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Show Good Taste Today BY EMILY POST Author of "ETIQUETTE," "THE BLUE BOOK OF SOCIAL USAGE," ETC. VALUES FAR ABOVE MONEY DEAR Mrs. Post: We are Invited out a great deal, and why, I don't know, because we have so far not been able to return anything. We do send candy, or sometimes flowers, and a book to people we know like these particular par-ticular things, but outside of that we can't return their dinner, week-end and theater Invitations. Ought we to stop accepting those? Oh, If only we had more money I Answer: One need never return Invitation In-vitation for invitation. The only thing that matters Is to show our appreciation apprecia-tion of the kindness shown us in the best way we can. In other words, by the book, candy, flowers, or by things costing time and thought and heart, which are often more valuable than things costing merely money. Nor Is It at all necessary to feel that you are unable to give a party. Remember that a young couple living In a single room, which has a folding sofa-bed, so that the room can be made Into the semblance of a sitting room, can perfectly per-fectly well ask friends they care for (after all, others are of small Importance) Impor-tance) to come to their "home-In-a-room." Where people do things with modest mod-est hospitality, and fall, It Is not because be-cause of their stinted means, but because be-cause they entirely overlook the fundamental fun-damental fact that the success of a party is far more dependent upon the spirit of hospitality actually the spirit spir-it of friendliness than it is upon lav-ishness lav-ishness of provision. Would you know the real secret of successful party-giving? It has not a thing in the world to do with money. It is simply the gift of never outgrowing outgrow-ing a child's imagination. In other words, the spirit of "let's pretend" that enters iuto the play of all children. Unless you can enter into the spirit of this hospitality, unless you can delight de-light to ha"ve the friends you tike share your festival, your party even though it be given in a palace with rows of lackeys and a ton of choicest viands will be but a heavy procession of over-richly over-richly laden minutes. Whereas, If the enthusiasm of your welcome springs from innate friendliness from joy in furthering the delight of good fellowship fellow-ship beneath your own roof you need never doubt that those who have accepted ac-cepted your hospitality once will not eagerly look forward to doing so again and again. TWENTIETH CENTURY CHANGES ry EAR Mrs. Post : Please go into detail about the etiquette of present-day card leaving. I am of the 90's, when the convention was strictly adhered ad-hered to, but people are getting so casual cas-ual about cards and visits that I am not sure how much of their old meaning mean-ing may still exist without "dating" us. Answer: Going out in the afternoon, as we used to do, and leaving cards at two or three dozen front doors without with-out even asking whether any of those on whom we were leaving them were at home, Is at present totally unknown to everyone on the hither side of fifty. Few people even pay party calls except ex-cept after a first Invitation from strangers and only the rather precisely pre-cisely brought up pay these. There are many occasions, however, when cards must still be left. First of all, a card of sympathy is left at a house of mourning; a card of Inquiry at a house where there is serious illness. And of course, people go to see neighbors and friends, and if they find them out, they necessarily leave their cards. Formally, Formal-ly, and on strangers, a lady leaves one card of her own and one of her husband's hus-band's on. each gentleman just as we used to do. But going to see friends, one usually leaves just one card of one's own and only when they are out. Perhaps I can make my answer clearest by saying that cards of empty form would "date" us unmistakably and would be thought absurd by all younger people. But all cards that have real Intention of friendship or kindll 'ss are used today just as they always have been. Dear Mrs. Post: My sixteen-year-old daughter would like to entertain about four couples of her own age. They don't play cards (or most of them don't) and our house Is too small to dance. Could my husband and 1 take them all somewhere, and would it be embarrassing for the boys to let us pay all the expenses? Or don't girls invite boys to go out with them even under those circumstances? Answer: Certainly your daughter may give a party as many as you are willing to let her give and nothing noth-ing could be more proper than to have you and her father take her and her friends somewhere. A hostess as well as host should always pay the expenses ex-penses of the guests whom they have invited. R by Emily Post. WNU Service. |