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Show As She Understood It. "Madam, you are a little run down. You need frequent baths and plenty of fresh air, and I advise you to dress-In dress-In the coolest,, most comfortabl clothes; nothing stiff or formal." When the lady got home, this is how-she how-she rendered to her husband the advice ad-vice given to her by the doctor; "He says I must go to the seashore.3 do plenty of motoring, and get some-new some-new summer gowns." Philadelphia Times. The Essence of Politeness. A little girl paying a visit alone tor-tbe tor-tbe first Ume was carefully instructed, how to behave. "If tihey ask you to-dine to-dine with them," her father said, "you. must say no, thank you; I have a--ready dined." It turned out just as her father anticipated. "Come along, i Millie," said her little friend's fath- j er, "you must have a bite with us." i "No, thank you," said the little girl with dignity. "I have already bitten!'" Ducks. Bridget was fond of waiting at the j door of the church and compliment- ' ing the priest on his sermon. One day the priest remarked after an unusually un-usually strong "ibit o' blarney": "Now, Bridget, you know that your compliments fall off of me like water off a duck's back." Nothing abashed, Bridget replied:-"Yes, replied:-"Yes, father, but the ducks like it."' Today's Magazine. An III Wind. "Cheer up, old. boy," advlsei tie-married tie-married man. "You know 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to-have to-have loved at all." "Yes," agreed the rejected suitor,. Jingling a bunch of keys in his pocket,, "better for the florist, the confectioner, confection-er, the messenger boy, the restaurant waiter, the taxicab man, the theatrical theatri-cal magnate and the jeweler." Neur York American. How He Grew Up. "Don't complain when the children, around you make a little noise," said the man with a kind heart "Remember "Remem-ber you were once a little boy." "I'm not forgetting it," replied the man with a perpetual grouch. "I was one of those little boys who are always al-ways compelled to sit around dressed up and watch the other -boys having a good time." Washington Star. The Great Attraction. First Girl I like a man with a past. A man with a past is always interesting. interest-ing. Second Girl That's true, but I don't think it's nearly as interesting as a ' man with a future. Third Girl The man who interests me is the man with a present and the more expensive the present the more Interest I take .in it. Exchange. Temporary Wealth. "What ihas become of that pref.y -waitress you used to have here?" asked the traveling man. "Oh, she's an heiress now," said tko hotel clerk. "Somebody died and left her a bunch of money, eh?" "Nothing tike that. She's on hei vacation, that's all." Breaking the News. A young man, an only son. marriea against the wishes of his parents. A short time afterward, in telling friend how to break the news to them, he said: "Start off by telling them that I am ' dead, an then gently work up to tie climax!" Answers. Specters of the Past. "I see a man has Just been arrested for a crime committed in 1870." "That kind of news makes me nervous." ner-vous." "Why so?" ' "When I was a young man I -played the cornet." Louisville Courier-Jour- ual. Barbarities of War. She (viewing the flagship) . Whal does he blow that bugle (or' He. Tattoo. She. I've often seen It on their arms, but I never knew they had special time for doing it. Life. Safety First. "You have an excellent motto fol this railroad, sir. 'Safety First' Inspires In-spires confidence In the public." les, sir. And we live up to it. No passenger travels a mile without paying first." |