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Show Willis Knew the Came. Willie finally pt-rtiuadcd his aunt to play train ith him. The chairs were arranged in line, anil be IkhucJ orders: or-ders: "Now, 7m he the engineer and I'll be the conductor. U-nd mo your watch and get up into your cab.'' Then he hurried down the platform, timepiece In hand, "i'ull out there, you red-headed, red-headed, pie-faced Jay!" he shouted. "Why. Willie!" bis auht exclaimed in amazement. ' That's rlKht, chew the rag," he retorted. re-torted. "Pull out! We're five minutes late already." They have had to forbid his playing play-ing down by the tracks. Teaching Higher Branches. One day Mr. Smith went to buy a buBhe) of buckwheat for sowing. The man who sold the wheal was away, but his wife undertook to make the sale. She found a peck meuMure and they went to the granary. She filled the measure twice, poured pour-ed the contents into the bag, and began be-gan to tie it up. Hut, Mrs. I aw ton," said the man, "It takes four peck to make a buth-1" buth-1" "Oh, does It?" replied the woman, untylug the bag. "Well, you see I never had any experience In measuring measur-ing train before 1 was married. I always al-ways taught school." Everybody's. It Msde No Difference. Two women were mutually confiding confid-ing tbelr troubles. "You can't think how the high coat of living affects us," confessed one. "Why, my bills for clothes alone are more than twice as large this year as they were last year." "Mercy!" gasped the other. "I do not see how your husband can afford It!" "That's the answer he can't." said the first. "But he couldn't afford It laat year. 80 what's the difference!" Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. Insult Added to Injury. 1 "Well, did he pay you?" asked tho wife of tho dentist who had been to : collect a bill for a full set of falte teeth that be bad made for a man almost a year before. , "Pay me!" growled the deufnt. "Not only did he refuse to pay me, ( but he actually had the effrontery to , gnash at me with my teeth!" I Prattle. "Don't you enjoy the merry prattle of little children?" asked the sentl- , mentallift. , "Yes," replied Mr. Crouoher. '1 , like to hear them prattle. It seems ! 1 a shame that so many of them are 1 1 golag te grow up and drup this in no-1 , cent chatter In order to discuss the I tariff." Not Taking Chances. "Msdam," said the doctor, "what you need Is more exercise. Why don't yon walk four or five miles every day?" "And have people think we've haj to sell our automobile? I guess noL" Would Empty It "Well." said Mary, who prided herself her-self on her singing and rsnge of voice, -do you think my voice will fill , thst large room ton'ght?" "No." said her cruel brother. "00 the contrary. " Very Well. , He bad Just given her a check for her first monthly allowance. "I think." she sad coyly, "I shall have this photographed." 'To preserve as a memento?" he asked. , "N". o I can have It enlarged." Perhaps He Was. "This electric treatment benefits , rour system." said the doctor. "Yes," murmured the patlput. who was paying live plunks a vlit. "but , there are times when 1 feel m over. ! charged." ( Off the Water Wagon. 1 Aladdin rubbed his lamp and the 1 teal appeared. 'It s f Erst eight of a djlnnphlx ," Sighed Aladdin. And he rolled off the water waeoo. Judge. Man's Ingrtd tnts. Alice, aaed Eve. was helping her sooth r dut the dra.o( room, tine a b d()'n beneath tUe piano aei ber mother heard her exclaim: 'Oh. nioluei, I her 1 s Lou;j dual ua-iW ua-iW btrc ar t-'cd lo uiik- r,.i: |