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Show Not to be Made Light of. Marie Iireasler la as famous for her epigrams as she la fur her e-.;i.roaity. Au actor ut tho op ra licaio was recalling re-calling yesterday one of her justly famous bits of rcpar;ee. Miss Dressier was Inviting her friends to a birthday party. "There'll be u birthday cake, I suppose'.'" sup-pose'.'" some one remarked. "Yes, there'll be a cake, never fear," was the reply. "Aud candles, of tours j?" went on tho alleged wit. ".My friend," said Miss Dressier "this la t bo a birthday parly not a torchlight procession." Kothesler Herald. She Had Much to Learn. "Oh, mamma, mamma! John d d-doesut d-doesut love me any more!" "Nonsense, child. Whut's happened?" happen-ed?" "When be came home last night he didn't klsa uie. 'And he kept edging away from me whenever I'd go near him." "Did he, Indeed? My dear, he'd bad a glass of beer and didn't want you to smell It, It probably didn't hurt blm at all, but he was afraid of you. Don't make any mistake, daughter-It daughter-It he hadn't loved you any more, he'd have kissed you without hesitation. You've a lot to learn yet," Cleveland Pluln Dealer. Cruel Hubby. His love had grown told. "Oh, Harold," she sobbed, "when you married me you said that you loved every hair on my head." And Harold, cruel and merciless, pointed an accusing finger at the switch aud two "rats" near the mirror. mir-ror. "Yes," he responded, heartlessly, "but not every hair on your bureau." And lighting his cigar the brute strode off to his club. Johnny Knew. "Now, Jjhnny," said the Sunday school superintendent, "can you tell me what it was that caused the prophet pro-phet KUJah to go up?" "Ycth, thlr," said Johnny. "It wath the Payne tariff tar-iff bill." Harper's Wei k y. Among the Cannibals. "In my most successful novel," said I'pton Sinclair, at a vegetarian ban quet In New Y'ork, "I aimed at the public's heart and hit It, with my beef talk. In the stomach. "I was rather like the liungala missionary, mis-sionary, who, said: " "I failed, alas, to bring tears to those cannibals' eyes, but at least I mado their mouths water.'" As Others See Us. The Dog "Funny beings, these htl mans are. They teach their children to walk on their hind feet Just like performing dogs." Pele M le. The Difference. He "In China a fellow never sees his wife till after they are married." She "How itranse!" In Kngland it's the wife who never sees her husband hus-band after they are married. M. A. P. The Difference. "The proper study of a man Is man, you know." "Yes, but the proper stu ly of woman wo-man Is her clothes." To Keep it Neat. "Jack, dear," uerled tl,e fair maid at ten ball park, 'why does that man behind the h.tter wear such a big bib?" "That." explained Jack, "la Ui keep his shirt frcm getting mussed up w hen the I all knoc ki bis teeth out." Ne:d;d the Money. Physician Y'ou pay me f 50 dowa and 10 a week. Pat eat Sounds aa If I wer buy. li g a motor car. Phyfic aa No. 1 am. |