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Show v ' MILLARD COUNTY CHRONICLE, DELTA, UTAH I Ruminating on Ruminants, I Or Cogitating About Cows 1 By BAUKHAGE News Analyst and Commenlalar i WASHINGTON, The subject of cows recently has been called to my attention. i In the early days, a cow was supposed to be an animal of the bovine species. Now it is just a three-lette- r word meaning rumi- - nant There is another three-lette- r word which also sometimes means a ; ruminant of which I will speak later. 1 Before I knew that a cow was I either a member of the bovine spe- -' I Cies or a ruminant, I thought it was When applied to cows instead of capitalists, the cold has the opp-osite effect on longevity. Accord-ing to a recent article in Food In-dustries, a McGraw-Hil- l publica-tion, the Russians .lave produced, by means of a chilling process ap-plied from early calf-hoo- cows which live with a high output to 15 years, yield up to 100,000 liters of milk and give birth to 15 calves. The process is simple. One se-lects a calf from selected parents. It is put in an unheated barn where the temperature is kept at five de-grees fahrenheit. The barns, I take it, are much like the ordinary Soviet citizen's dwelling except that there is plenty of bedding and the calves tor H ft. il direi " lor's s t "',. :lai V 1 s ; j oring "',f ilaime. f" rchest t v - ,, H ;iini.if.'i.. jviJ something fearful which was eu-p- h e m istically ad-- : dressed as "Bos-sie,- " and which (I was told) would not hurt me. I took the former statement as cor-rect, but had grave doubts about the latter. Later I was taught that spelled, not bossie, but cow, and still chased by one. This 0j ( later I was ,j mu caused additional doubt concerning of the free information furnished by one's the St elders. Then came Hhe crossword puzzles. lfe pu Dj I saw that "three, horizontal" was a ny Oi three-lette- r word meaning ruminant, rough Having heard of the word "rumi- - t will note" by that time, and thinking statu that, thinking or, if you will, rumi-- i I nating, was a fairly common prac- - g. n tice among the genus homo, I wrote f Ut down "man." Later when I met a Marc number of congressmen I was con- - H SY vinced of my error. EEK." whic Now I know that neither defini-te ho: tion is entirely wrong. A cow ru-- : minates when it chews its cud ' (having chewed it before) , and a of coi man ruminates when he chews an yjgijg idea upon which he has chewed way ' before. "alll In some ways h0wever, cows and th" men difer-- In fact' cows even differ in some respects from women, al- - new though all three creatures mart, ngemi woman and cow are mammals, the Jtah highest form of vertebrate, those cloi which (the authorities inform me) 1,t"e nurse their young with milk. Just lethe how man gets int0 tl?is category js aurice a little beyond me, but that is what of t the scientist says, and I am willing iduct to strain my credulity a little. After est p ail, I suppose that my father, who Tabe paid I0r the milk which I drank a ' ;:; when I got so I could take it out of r :;. a glass, nourished me in a manner p of speaking. We will let it go at ra. saj that, although it seems to me that a n-- of man assumes a little of what might ih Syr be criticized as the gland manner a dei of speaking when he tries to get vn'cn more than a grade B rating as a mammal. But to return to the differences between cows on the one hand, and ' men and women, on the other (and - , I think no one will contradict me ;i when I say there ARI? differences): Y r !' One thing a cow cannot do that a VjM man can, is blow its own horn. And Pi21i as we know from listening to the iyf soap operas, it is easier to make a .f,f woman slip than to make a cowslip. This is Pat Walker of Woodland, Calif., queen of the Poly Royal celebration at California State Polytechnic college. With her, to do a spot of ruminating, is one of the college's better beef sires. Domino Prince 63rd. His mother ' was one of the aristocratic rumi-nants who even now chews her cud in pride over the elegance of her son. are provided with earmuffs. A citi-zen of the U.S.S.R, dpesn'need the earmuffs because h'e is only al-lowed to listen to what the govern-ment thinks is good for him, and if his ears freeze it's all right with the censor. The results of the chilling process on calves appear remarkable, but not for a moment would I doubt the veracity of the writer despite my early experience with erroneous in-formation concerning cows. The other type of ruminant upon which these ruminations are based is illustrated in these columns. The Old Order How It Passeth After the grey winter days New Hampshire avenue almost sparkles these spring mornings. The elm buds are spreading and the shadows of trunk and limb make sharp patterns on the wide expanse of the huge Belmont house. This house now is occupied by the East-ern Star no family ever could have done more than rattle about in that palatial mansion. I suppose there will be few such palaces built in Washington any more one after an-other, they are being torn down. The Leiter house on Dupont Circle is gone and a family hotel is rising in its place. Many other, mansions, too big for embassies even, served as boarding houses for war workers and now they are empty and for sale. One huge house which I pass oc-casionally is opened when the third generation, which still retains some of the original fortune, comes to Washington for a wedding or a party. After that the house is sealed up again, the burglar alarms are attached and the old residence goes back to dreaming of the past. A part of this section of Wash-ington Dupont Circle is being sealed off for a year while the roadbuilders burrow under the grassy park to make an underpass for trolley cars and automobiles. This will be the final Dlow of dis-figuration to Connecticut avenue, which has yielded gradually over the years since I first knew it, to the vulgarian invasion. A block below Dupont Circle that once was gay with the chatter of nursemaids and children of the foreign diplomats stood the British embassy. On the site today is a filling station. Americans have eaten bananas since the 19th century but still many misconceptions concerning them ex-ist, says Middle America Informa-tion. Not, we hope, that they should be kept in the refrigerator. Two-third- s of all divorces are granted to women. Is that because of male chivalry or the lack of it? '!X 1 Now what has a cow got that you and I haven't? Answer: Cat- - ;n ' tie are closely related to the buf-- ne falo, the bison and the yak. I defy 'ne f 1 any genealogist to produce a bison, ed il i: a buffalo and a yak in one human )ody t' family tree. On the other hand, , . in the branches of a cow's family that ,s tree, there are no monkeys, 0jng. In some ways the cow has superior ,ns gQ. abilities. For instance, I have seen a cow r0" over without spilling a rft ope' drop of milk, which is more than t way any man, carrying a similar amount expen. of lacteal fluid, could do. roduct Philologically, the cow seems to the w have somewhat of an edge on man, ules ai at least for those who believe in the capitalistic system. The Latin word 'j for cattle (as of course you know if you just looked it up as I did) is "pecus." And the word pecuniary is derived from that, and the words rrTI cattle, chattel and capital are to abaaal each other what cow itself is to buf-falo, bison and yak. All present-da- y breeds of cattle, 1 am authoritatively informed, are descended from the two types, large and small, known in prehistoric times in Europe. However, in re- - cent time- - (and now we are getting down to what started me ruminat-- " ing), something new has been ad- - , ded. We now have developed what might be laughingly called "hot and "cold cows." Jcows" "hot" are the Brahmas which ; have been insinuated into our own j American strains to inure them to our southern latitudes and for other j purposes. As you know, Brahma ' cattle are known by their humps. A braw Brahma has a large hump just abaft the shoulders, a d the others of lesser rank have smaller humps getting down to something not much larger than a fever blister. 1 The "cold" cow is uite a differ- - i ent thing. As might be expected, it On comes from Russia where they in- - vented the cold war, the cold shoul der and th-e- common or Siberian yj cold, which is used to correct false ideologies, longevity and monopolis-ti- c capitalism. WEEKLY NEWS ANALYSIS Lewis Bailies Taft-Hartl- ey Law; Baruch Sees Total fiMilizatEon'; Eisenhower Repeats Ilk ISefeal ' Released by WNTJ Features (EDITOR'S NOTE: When opinions are expressed In these columns, they are those of Western Newspaper Union'a ftcwa analyst and not necessarily of this newspaper.) I 'Greatest Killer' TO WALLACE: Veiled Hint Henry Wallace, whose third party movement was coming more and more to follow the standard Com-munist party line, had reached the status of a complete pariah as far as President Truman was concerned. In his St. Patrick's day address in New York the President had re-jected angrily any notion of accept-ing Wallace's support in his cam-paign, even if it cost him the elec-tion. Then, during the course of re-marks made at a dinner meeting of Greek-America- in Washington, Mr. Truman turned on still more heat. He issued an acidulous, thinly veiled suggestion that Wallace take his third party movement to Russia where Mr. Truman obviously thinks it belongs. "I was going to tell you that the Greeks had a Henry Wallace," the President said to his listeners. "I was going to tell you that the Greeks had a statesman, an orator, a dema-gogue. . . . They had the greatest demagogue of all times, Alcibiades." (Alcibiades was a famous Atheni-an who, after committing certain indiscretions, was forced to flee Athens. He went k Sparta and there betrayed secrets of his coun-trymen which were instrumental in bringing about, the fall of Athens.) Mr. Truman continued: "If imi-tators of that ancient Greek con-queror want to see . . . liberties subverted, I suggest that they go not to the Rocky mountains that's fine country out there. He ought to go to the country he loves so well and help them against his own country if that's the way he feels." r ) . v - ; i i LABOR: Lewis Fight John L. Lewis and the y law were locked in a mortal struggle. His United Mine Workers wero still out of the pits in a "volun-tary" objection to the companies' alleged refusal to provide them with a pension plan. Most of the 400,000 miners were out fish-ing. Lewis himself was out gunning for the y law, enactment of which was largely the result of his activities in the first place. After the miners had gone out, President Truman, acting under the law, had appointed a g board to investigate the difficulties. But when the board asked John L. Lewis to testify, he refused. Then the board issued a subpoena requesting that he appear. Again Lewis refused, stating that the board had no right to demand his presence before it. ft, W ift.ni.g. w,tl-- : rf tbtfim Glenn L. Martin, pioneer air-craft builder, revealed that the U. S. has developed an offensive weapon superior to the atomic bomb. He called it a "radioactive cloud the greatest killer of hu-man beings ever devised." Martin said also, '.'I'd be in favor of using it before I'd become a slave to another nation.". Aw, Drop Dead iliililiii :'?xt--" 7l'! f ? - - He said he based his disinclina-tion to testify on the facts that: Neither he nor the UMW had 1.done anything covered by the y law, thereby nullifying the President's invocation of the law, and Two of the three board mem-- 2 bers were "biased and preju-diced and in honor should not serve." Finally, minutes before the dead-line, the burly, d chief appeared. It was obvious, of course, that the UMW chief was out to break the y enactment. Apparent-ly he was determined to, drag the pension dispute all the way through the courts preferably as high as the supreme court to get a final verdict. And any way it turned out, the process would react for the miners' immediate benefit. While the courts would be mulling over the matter the date for the annual renewal of the mine workers' contract in June would be approaching. The longer the present dispute remained unset-tled, the worse the nation's coal situation would grow, thus putting Lewis in a good bargaining position to extract a favorable contract for next year. MOBILIZE: Controls ? Bernard M. Baruch approves of selective service and universal mili-tary training for the present quasi-crisi- s, but he does not think that is enough to meet all the implications the world situation holds. The financier and presidential ad-viser called also for an "economic mobilization plan" and said that America's failure to muster all its resources now for peace would leave "no alternative but to mobilize for war" in the future. Baruch told the senate armed serv-ices committee that he was afraid that if the nation suddenly and with-out preparation were called upon to mobilize and prepare for a big war, such forces of domestic inflation would be set in motion as could blow the country wide open and leave it defenseless. He suggested the appointment of someone to "watch the impact upon our economy of the partial mobiliza-tion we are entering upon and to maintain a constant inventory, bal-ancing all our growing commitments against our resources." It had not been a hidden threat, but Baruch's statement had focused attention on the possible danger that a sudden spate of military spending could bring about ruinous inflation. As a result, talk of reviving the defunct OPA was being heard in Washington. Baruch's warning touched off informal discussions in congress about the possibility of re-viving wage-pric- e controls, rationing and other curbs on the domestic economy. This, of course, had been an in-tegral part of President Truman's famous program against in-flation which he proposed last year, but most congressmen virtually had gagged at the thought of reimposing price and wage controls, and the President was accused of trying to set up something like a "police state." Now, however, congressmen were not so sure. They were beginning to wonder if the military spending necessary to contain Russia might not have to be buttressed by con-trols at home. LUCIUS CLOBB On "War Nerves "Pharonie," said Lucius Clobb to his helpmate as he arranged a quiz-zical wrinkle in his brow, "d'you think we're thunderin' toward an-other war?" "Soon as you open your mouth I figure we're in for at least a sldr-mish- ," retorted Pharonie. "If you spent half as much time cultivating my peace of mind as you do your soybeans we wouldn't have near the arguments we do." She impaled the elder statesman of Paivhooley coun-ty on a spearrlike glance. "Dang it, Pharonie, why do you have to drag your rockin' chair mili-tarism into everything I set out to do a little talkin' on? One of the reasons you married me m the first place was to get security. Now you got security but you still want to fight." The light of creative achievement gleamed- - briskly in Lucius Clobb's eye. "Say, by gosh, that there gives me a right smart idea for an aphorism. Nothing I like better than an aphor-ism. What d'you think of this Pha-ronie: Between 1941 and 1945 we were united with Russia in the bonds of holy warlock, but now the honey-moon's over, the lock is busted and there ain't nothin' left of the orig-inal idea except war." "Mister Clobb, you can put that out in the corn crib with the rest of your aphorisms," commented the critical Pharonie. "Mebbe so," sighed the elder statesman, "but it worries me not knowin' how to feel about this here world situation. I'm gettin' on toward 69, so could afford to think that in order to have peace and a secure foreign policy we first got to rig up a strong backbone at home. And a strong backbone right now means a strong army and navy and air force." REPEAT: Ike's 'No' Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower, d boy of both political parties, said it once more: He would not be a presidential candidate on any-body's ticket. There had been a lull following his unequivocal refusal of Republi-can overtures, and then the . sentiment was resur-rected in the hearts of no fewer than four widely divergent groups. Probably the most unique ap-proach was being made by Torrey Stearns, a New York public rela-tions man, who harbors the opinion that Eisenhower is a Republican.' He conceived a "People for Eisen-hower" movement. The method is a nationwide solicitation of voting citizens to send in postcards bear-ing this signed testimony: "I want to vote for General Eisen-hower for president in November. I am a citizen of voting age." "On June 21," Stearns announced, "all of the statements will be pre-sented to the Republican national convention as indisputable evidence that the people of the United States demand the nomination of Dwight D. Eisenhower for president." But Eisenhower was having none of it. Speaking through a statement by Maj. Gen. Floyd L. Parks, army press chief, he indicated that "his no politics statement of some weeks ago" should "apply to all parties and groups of voters." Few people can appear more hu-man than this quizzical simian as he bestows a suspicious glare on photographer Arthur Sasse and obviously is thinking he wants his picture taken about as much as he wants a hole In the head. Sasse, staunchly unafraid in his belief that no animal would attack a photographer, has been taking pic-tures at New York's Bronx zoo for 28 years. HOMEBODY: No Meeting With the arrival of spring and th yearly rebirth of hope eternal, a second-han- rumor suddenly was re-vived across the Atlantic. It had to do with the rebuilding of the stripped gears of East-We- rela-tions. The rumor, which was being cir-culated widely in Europe, said that President Truman was planning a trip to the continent for a Big Three conference with Attlee and'Stalin. Another version, as given cur-rency by newspapers in Turkey, re-ported that the President might go to Europe sometime in April and possibly visit Turkey and Greece. All this was good for a flurry of excitement, but in the end it turned out to be nothing more than a clutching at straws. Mr. Truman, the White House an-nounced, had no plans for leaving the country, and there was no pros-pect of a Big Three meeting. SPIES: In Germany Conditions were getting back to the cloak and dagger state. With a dramatic flare, radio Mos-cow charged that Russia had un-covered an American-directe- d spy ring of former German army offi-cers operating out of western Ger-many, Austria and Sweden to learn Soviet zone secrets. Leader of the group functioning in the Soviet zone had been captured and had confessed, Moscow re-ported. The broadcast claimed, in part: "He confessed he was a member of an illegal Fascist organization ex-isting in the western occupation zone of Germany, consisting of officers of the former German army who are being used by the American in-telligence service for espionage in the Soviet zone." PIPELINE: funked x The Canol pipeline, that project constructed dur-ing the war as a means of getting an emergency oil supply from Nor-man wells in Northwest Canada to Alaska, is ending in the junk yard. All that is left of it now is being trucked out for shipment to junk dealers in the Midwest United States. Fifty trucks work night and day out of Johnson's Crossing on the Alaska highway haulins salvn I'llliyj Sallies in Our Alley The Naked City: Her name was Ann Parrish ... A kid . Came here from the stix two years ago . . . With a flaming yen to be an actress . . . She had no "contacts" ... No nothin' . . . Just ambition . . . Lived in a fur-nished room ... In the 100s . . . Went to a dramatic school . . . Her story is similar to hundreds you hear around Broadway . . . These kids live in smelly hall bedrooms . . . When they could be home with the family in comparative luxury . Like other kids her age she loved oandy bars . . . Pastries and ice cream sodas . . . Then she thought she was getting too plump to get a role in a flop ... So she went on one of those diets . . . When she had dizzy spells, her doc warned her . . "But there's a chance in a new show," she said . . . The other ayem when her alarm clock went off it frightened her to death, the coroner reported . . . She achieved in death what she couldn't in life . . . The newspapers, quoting the coroner, said: "Occupation, actress." Man About Town: Gael Sullivan of Mr. Truman's brain-tru- st will resign if Jim Farley is taken into Demmy councils. ... Ed Pauley, the Prez's pal, told chums in Cali-fornia he wouldn't be surprised "if the donkey nomination went to Ike." . . . Carlyle Blackwell, ex-fil-m star, was badly hurt when two bulldogs jumped him while out for a stroll in Miami Beach. Howcum the state department is allowing Max Schmeling a passport to come here and fight. at his age of 43? Didden he do enough fight-ing for Adolf? ... In the Stork the other night Randolph Churchill re-marked he was departing for Lon-don. . .'. "Oh ho," said Wwhal Wwag, "duckin' the draft, eh?" . . . Mike Romanoff is now the West coast Billy Rose with mor'n 8C papers carrying his col'm. . . . Billy, himself, after struggling for years to become famed as a showman, songwriter, art collector, story-teller, magazine essayist and winds up with the nickname; "Broadway Rose." Governor Folsom of ma'am, had this comment on the N. Y. gazettes' roastings of his recent kissing spree: "Awl Ah wanta know," he said, "were mah name spelt raht?" . . . Diamond merchants say Bobo's ring cost Rockefeller 42 Gs. . . . Skewp: Bioggers insist that "S" in Mr. Tru-man's name is merely an initial. It stands for Shippe (rhymes with Mississippi), according to an old dinner guest list at a Providence, R. I., St. Patrick's Day affair. Our biggest worry isn't for-eigners who think we have all the money in the world. It's those Americans who think wer have all the time. Eunice Skelly, widow of star Hal Skelly, finally has won $100,000 set-tlement from the N. Y., N. H. and Hartford railroad for the accident that killed Hal 16 years ago. . . . Marcel Vertes, fashion illustrator, has turned to cartooning in his latest book, "It's All Mental." Even psy-chiatrists howl at it. . . . Latest feud is between Henry Morgan and Carl Brisson because Henry called him the "male Hildegarde." . . . Cloth-ing mfrs. are openly discussing (in New York hotel foyers) their "hun-dreds of thousands" of orders for uniforms. . . . Botany Mills (biggest of wool factories) has started pro-duction of khaki cloth, again. . . . The $237,000 Florida Governor Cald-well won in a libel suit from Collier's will be turned over to A & M, the Negro college. "Dear WW," writes J. W. Stower of the Detroit Times, "if you feel that newsboys benefit from the experience, we'd like your thoughts on it." The best way to start any ca-reer is selling newspapers on street corners. For one thing you meet a better class of people and, for another, they meet you. The Cinemagicians: A generally acceptable tear-tugge- r, "The Mir-acle of the Bells" gets its applause expressed in long sighs. When the yarn threatens to be mired in senti-mental goo, it is rescued by Valli, MacMurray and Sinatra. . . . "The Challenge" is a passable sleuth-happ-chiller that scares up several tingles. . . . "Mary Lou" has a frail script playing second fiddle to F. Carle's pianoing. ... "Spring," a Russian import, is the most ludi-crous Kremlin product since last pop-of- . . . "Marshal of Cripple Creek" tells how the fear-less got those pretty little notches on his shootin' irons. What a Switch! Dept.: All the candidates who are getting big build-up- s say they'll run. Ike, who doesn't need any, says he won't. News Item: "Gerald L. K. Smith, the rabble-rouse- violently ill from arsenic." Oh, the poor, poor arsenic. Tailored Classic Foc Juoios few Smart Shirtwaister A. shirtwaister this junior sion ia easy sewing, has f ' tern pieces.. Try a bright caS t?? used Pattern No. 8285 comes In. slus n ,. FASHION, our complet. p"S,,,' aine. Free pattern printed SlVZ also free knitting directions. Send your order tot SEWTNG CIRCLE PATTERN DEW 530 South Wells St. . Chicago Enclose 25 cent, in cotai lor uci pattern desired. Pattern No site Address Ain't It So A man wrajped up In hlmD makes a very small package. A chip on the shoulder always indicates that there Is wooi higher up. The reason women always win arguments Is that only the men will argue with them The best way to kill time i to work It to death. 1 WATER I i m .laiiiiMif of LIFE' Are you going through f'K tlonal 'middle age' to women (38 to 52 yra.)?'Ooa make you suffer from not n feel so nervous, hlghstmns, Then do try Lydla E. Pmtt Vegetable Compound to re11"" symptoms. Plnkham'5 Compo tv also has what Doctors call v machlc tonlo effect ycjjtjuU LYDIA E. PINKHAM'S " And Your Strength and Energy la Below Pa' It maj ba cansad by '' a.y function that pwmiu wasta to accumulate, for ln peopla leel tired, weak aao "" when the kidneys tail to ramo acids and other waste matter ro blood You may sutler nigslnf g,, rheumatic pains, besdschel. a',np getting up nights, leg P"10' Sometimes trequeot and ,c J i, with smarting and birniel other sign that something l the kidneys or bladder. nroroP There should be no doubt tistp' (f treatmeut Is wiser thaa nePVi oo Doon'i Pills. It Is better to W medicine that has won coustryp!, proval thao on something le.M. " j tal known Dona's bsvs been tried ed many years Ar. si all drul Get Doan s today r1 BUNDLE FROM HEAVEN New Minor Planet 'Swims Into Ken U. S. astronomers have revealed the discovery of a bundle from heaven a strange new minor planet which moves around the sun at high speed. The planetoid is only about two miles in diameter. Although there are about 1,600 of these minor chunks of matter, all circling around the earth like the sun, most of them travel in orbits far larger than that of the earth and do not come any-where near it. It is the fact that the newly dis-covered planet cuts through the earth's orbit that makes it unusual. Only four other minor planets have been found which do this, and they have since been lost to astronomers' telescopes. |