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Show Just To Laugh. AS OTIIKUS 8KK US. "I think it is shameful the way that girl spits slang," said a Newton girl to a friend. "My! If I twirled my talker the way she does, my bloomlngold dad would tan my duds till the dust was thicker than files In fly time." "You betcher brass and served you right," replied the other oung lady,"My parents par-ents arn. sunflowers of the same hue and If I should make a raw ciack in my conversation they'd thrash the rosey cussedncss out or my angelic anatomy quicker thanchalnllghtnirg. And they proceeded to suck the Juice of a lemon thiough a stick of candy. "HOLY. HOLY. HOLY." "Amcricky is a molghty advancin' place," said Patiick Ilooley as he looked mound uponagrouo of admiring admir-ing f i lends, who had Just lauded in town fiom the mother country. "Whin I first coom over, I got a job on a section and was called number siyen. I vvoikcd thcio and saved me money and aftct a while I bought a saloon. Thin I was called Mister Ilooley. After a while I got inllooln-slial inllooln-slial and urn for alderman, and whin 1 was elected they called me the Honorable Hon-orable Mister Hoolej. Wan day T thought I would go to church as 1 had stayed away for a longtohncso I whit and just the inlnit 1 slipped Inside the door the whole choir sehreeched out, 'Iloolev Ilooley! Hoolej !Lord God Al-might),' Al-might),' and I Med." Mining and En-ginceihig En-ginceihig Review. WHAT TnEr WKAK.' ' Wonder what varmlhta woman will wear next, says a crabbed old bachelor journalist, as sho Is now arrayed in silk worm dress, sealskin sacquc, os- trlcfc feather and beaver hat, goat skin shoes, whale bono stays, kldskln gloves, , 'tortoise shell buttons, spitz dog muff, mink tall collarette and dl- legator hide purse. Solomon in all his glory had not such a menagerie as these and yet many lorcd them no matter what they wear. HAD HKEN IT ALL. An Irishman went to consult a doctor. doc-tor. The doctor told him that there were no two ways about lt;lf he didn't stop drinking whisky ho would go blind. The Irishman weighed both possibilities In his mind, and came to this decision: Well, I'm "2 years old now, and I believe I've seen about everything that's worth sceln' Here is a small boy's essay on the My. "The III Is a little animile that gets in the butter In the good ole summer sum-mer time. If haz eight legs, 4 to walk on; two to shuflle together an' two to tickle with. Flics arc found all ober Amcricky, but mostly on bald heads. He aic the caused of much cussing by folks what he pestcis by his tlckiln' legs. The Ml cannot be stuck up for cc has eyes In his back light behind the shoulder blades. The Mi loves to get on the baby's nose and sliufllo his-rcet. his-rcet. It is fun to leave him bee on the baby's nose of your mother ain't ciaun' to land on yer for It. The Ml is commonly called a Mi, but he has another an-other name. Pop calls him a helluva-nuisance. helluva-nuisance. A Holse woman became the mother otHiiplcts the other day. When her husband was told of it he said: "Triplets? "Trip-lets? Gosh, that comes from voting for Roosevelt. I'm going back to the Democratic party." The editor of an exchange recently intimated in his paper that if a certain man didn't quit calling on his heigh-bois heigh-bois wife, there would be trouble. Next day llfteeu men asked the editor conlldentially if lie had any lcfcrencc to them. |