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Show Babies. Babies are one of the Incidents of marriage. There are fewer marriages every year. They have great larks sometimes with young couples by Ignoring the notice "Boy Wanted," and coming as girls. Another Joke thoy are fond of Is minting In couples. They are not much to look at, and a man has been known to knock another an-other man down for telling him ho was once one of them. They cry a lot at first because they want to ask who they are, and can't. Fathers would generally throw them away, but tho mothors will uot have It. A mother's love Is the most wonderful won-derful tiling In the world. An ugly feature of babies Is that they are apt to grow up Into small boys. Small Boys, Email boys are looked upon by tho devil with some pride as one of his most successful Inventions. After careful consideration ono Is forced to tho conclusion that they havo not a single good quality. They are never thoroughly happy unless they are killing either their sister's favorite doll or their little sister. They are only truthful when drawing attention to tho physical peculiarities pe-culiarities of their father's visitors. Thoy will not be affectionate unless their hands and mouth are Janimy after tea and you havo a now suit on. And they are so noisy that man led men who own one of them can sleep In the parrot house at the zoo. And when once the small boy is here he stays. You may try what you will to get rid of him. Perch him for the first time In his llfo on a bicycle, bi-cycle, and allow him to rldo down the steep hill without a brake, and It will be the good old lady crossing the road who dies. Send him to the river with a little boat to sail, and it will be tho little boat that gets drowned. Place a box of matches in his way, and It will be the handsome Persian rug that becomes ashes. Tits parents will al-, ways be baffled. That Is the average small boy. Even religious people have been known to ' have one. There Is another sort who Is always quite good. He Is much worse, and, fortunately, dies young. Women. Women were put here to make thai world look pretty, though the fashion papers have never guessed this. They are fond of dressing, except at dances and dinner parties. A great traveler onca met a lady friend, whom he had not seen for many years, at a dance. "Why, how you have altered," said the lady. "I declare, I should not have known you from Adam." "Nor I you," retorted tho man, "from Eve." Another hobby Is talking. They aro quite as garrulous whoa, tober as men aro when In their cups, and their conversation con-versation Is often just as woll worth hearing. As a rule they have more heart than head. This is apt to render them thoughtless. A woman will walk to the end of the street, then turn sharply sharp-ly round without looking to tee whether there Is any ono Immediately behind her, and, as a consequence, gouge your eyes out with tho end of her sunshade. Sometimes she will beg your pardon, but I have known ono Just flip tho eye off the ferrule Into the gutter and sail screnoly on without with-out saying a word. They used to bo called tho gentle sex. But one day a man saw some of them entering a dry goods store as tho door opened on tho first day of a clearance sale. It has been remarked that they look nice at prayer, so they keep tho churches going. At tho same time, tholr versatility Is really wonderful. They can bo splendidly dishonest, and unconsciously so, and lady company com-pany directors aro only a matter ot time. They think a man a fine fellow when they are engaged to him. But the sad thing about engagements Is that they often lead to marriage. Still, In spite ot all, women aro quite one ot tho nicest sexes, and If only they will keep silly Instead of trying to be men I cannot help thinking there Is a future fu-ture for. them. Their patlenco Is certainly cer-tainly wonderful. The poor things have no pockets. , v Men. Men aro what women marry. Thoy drink, and smoke, and swear, and havo over so many pockets, but won't go to church. Perhaps If thoy wore bonnets they might Thoy are mora logical than wdmon, and also mors zoological. Both men and women have sprung from monkeys, but the women certainly sprang further than , tho men. "And what are the principal shots In "billiards?" asked the fair young dam- vaol of the wise young man. ' "The kiss, the follow, the bank and the draw," he replied. "How lovely!" she exclaimed. "It Is almost like a courtship. First the lover geta a kiss, then he follows the .girl all about, and then " "And then," Interrupts the man, -who aspires to pessimism, "and then they get married and ho goes to the bank and draws, for that Is his cue, unless he wishes to be frozen." (For the benefit of the unsuspecting reader we will stato tbat "cue" and "'frozen" also are billiard terms. There aro still more that might be worked Into the llttlo Jeu d' esprit, such as -scratch." "break," "drive," "Up," "t ble," "run," etc., but lack of spac's prevents carrying the theme to thi bitter end.) |
