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Show WIT AND I1UM0IL THE IICKLE MAIDIX. At T o'clock elie lts nml ilaiii. 'Wlirdoonn'Uiccome? Ilelahot At ljo clock (tlio tit unit jwn. "ilcurmo! Why doesn't lio iro" Muntcy'i Weekly. AT T!l ALTAH. The wedillnar wan all that could bo mpposed. Tho titldo wns liolh Mthoitml ira). And, If unytlilwr. accroed na tlio' alio was glad That nobody mivo hor nway. v Philadelphia Ttmca. No vice goes alono oxcopt ndvlco. which is always u lone Drake's Magazine, Mag-azine, Wo believe it is thn railroad on-glncerwho on-glncerwho whistles at his woik. Yonk-crs Yonk-crs St'ateman. No man is ns good at homo as his picture looks in a neighbor's album. Atchison Globe. A man's heart is blamed for lots ot things for which his liver Is rcspunsl bio. Ashland I'nts. "I ilvo on my wits," said Scrlbblor. "How do you like flat life?" asked Cynlcus. Pittsburg Dispatch. "Why nro you in mourning?" "For mv rich" uncle, whoso heir I nm. "Is he' dead?" "No." N. Y. Sun. When n man is walking ou his uppers up-pers tho presumption is that ho Isn't woll heeled. Uinghamton Leader. "I say, Charley, that man over tlioro must bo a millionaire." "No. I gues not. Ho looks too happy." Vlicgcndo Blatter. Sick pcoplo should "cast physio to tho dogs" and go to tho races. Any ono can he bolter there. Binghamton Jlepublican. A doad man Is given moro charity than ho cau mako uso of; a living man isn't givon as much as ho deserves. Atchison Globe. "At least I can tako things in a philosophical phil-osophical way." said tho burglar us ho lifted out a pano of glass with a rubber rub-ber sucker. Klmira Gazette. When a man and woinau hnvo been mado ono the honeymoon is tho time upttnt in endeavoring to discover which is that one. Yonkcrs Statesman, She "John, what do you cook in thoso Jack pots you havo at tho club that you somotlines talk about in vour Bleep?" He "Soup." AT. Y. Herald. "I can't go Schubert," oxclnlmod Mrs. Skimgullot nt tho conceit. "But you can go Chopin every day iu tho week," retorted her husband. Musical Courier. . Psalmist "Why do tho heathen rage?". Cynlo "Probably becauso so llttlo of tho money subscribed for thoir conversion ever roaches thorn." AT. Y. Herald. Mrs. Gummy "Edison says .that no 1 experiment wrach'ho has tried atrnight ovcr ailed." Gummy "Then ho never tried lo walk his baby to sloop." N. Y. Sun. Diguifiod Strangor (at news-stand) "Which of thoso papers is tho most highly respectable?" Newsman "This ono. I guess. Nobody bttvs it." N. Y. Weekly. Whon wo consldor the henpecked husband wo nrc moro convinced than ovor that woman was mado cl tho backbono and not of the sparerib of man. Dallas News. "Wo mndo a big mistake Adam," said Eva utter thoy had settled outsldo thogardeu. "How, dear?" "Wo should havo insisted upon having that inntter arbitrated." N. Y. Sun. "So Col. Playton has all your mnn-evP" mnn-evP" said ono Congressman to another. "Yes." "How dltl ho get it?" Ho took it by fours. I was backing a full hand." Washington Post. Noror ho nt your placo of business wheu a porson wants lo borrow money mon-ey of you, becauso If yntt nro in you will bo out, but it you uro out you will bo lu. Somerville Democrat. "I know whoro Gilbort got his idea for his twenty lovo sick maldons nnd JJunthorno." "From Oscar Wlldo, wasn't it?" "No. indeed. From a Bumnior hotel." iv. Y. Herald. Mrs. Snodgrass "Your husband complains that ho cau't smoko tho cl- f;ars you bought for hliu." Mrs Sulvc-ey Sulvc-ey "Woll, I can't wear tho bonnet ho scloctod for me, cltlior. N. Y. Sun' Grlmago "Solby, to bo confidential, why did you marry a widow?" Solby "Woll, to tell tho truth,! wauted somebody who could correct my mistakes mis-takes in courting." Burlington Fret lVess. Strangor "May I ask what your profession is?" Ministor "I am a soldier sol-dier in tho nrmy of tho Lord." Stranger "Just tho man I've boon looking for. I am a ponslon agent." Binghamton Leader. Fannio "I undorstand, Mario, that you broko your engagement with Mr. Earthlelgh." Murle-"0. no. I didn't dear. It just camo apart, don't you know, after tho season closed." Washington Wash-ington Star. Tom "I hear your engagement with Miss Ilosoleaf is off. What was tho trouble?" Harry "O. I got dead broke and had to break tho contract so I could pawn tho ring I gavo her." Boston Herald. St. Petor "Woll, Gabriel, aro thoy all hero?" Gabriol "Yes, all except a fow messenger boys." St. Petor "Whero aro thov?" Gabriol "I don't know. I tooted for them thrco hours ago." AT. Y. Herald. "Yes: ho proposod iu tho romantlo stylo, lio began, 'On my bonded kneos lot mo swear,' nr.d so on." "Does ho over talk that way now?" "No. Ho just sweurs without asking permission." permis-sion." Indianapolis Journal. We'll write it down till i. everybody sees it , Till everybody is sick of K seeing it i'j Till everybody knows it f j without seeing it II that Dr. Sage's Catarrh Rem- cdy cures the worst cases of W chronic catarrh in the head, I catarrhal headache, and " cold n I in the head." In perfect faith, its makers, I the World's Dispensary Med- I, ical Association , of Buffalo, 1 N. Y., offers to pay $500 to I any one suffering from chronic I catarrh in the head whom Vt they cannot cure. Bi Now if the conditions were VJffl reversed if they asked you to H pay $500 for a positive cure jAi you might hesitate. Here arc 4Vm reputable men, with years of honorable dealing; thousands H of dollars and a great name H back of them and they say .aVm "We can cure you because JaVJ we've cured thousands like AVJ you if we can't we'll pay jH you $500 for the knowledge H that there's one whom we iM can't cure." H They believe in themselves. Vj Isn't it worth a trial? Isn't ThTe any trial preferable to catarrh? Pn |