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Show THAT REMINDS ME- He Wise men hesitate. Only fools are certain. She Are you sure? He I'm quite certain of it! Then she laughed New York Herald. $ There is no fluctuation in the price of wild oats Philadelphia Record. Grump Do you call this steak fit for a Christian to eat? Waiter We hain't anxious about de religion of our customers, boss. Landlady You'll have to pay in advance, ad-vance, sir. You are a stranger. New Boarder Oh that's all right, ma'am. I'm an easy fellow to get acquainted ac-quainted with. "Gracious, how fast you're running!" remarked the dressmaker's lapboard. "You must be in a great Imrry." "I should say so," replied the sewing machine; "I've got to make a train." Old Closeby H'm! Now that I have finished eating, I think I shall go out and getweighed. Walter I wouldn't advise it, sir. Old Closeby You wouldn't? Why not? Waiter Because, sir, you might have to tip. "Won't it be splendid when we can talk to the people on Mars!" exclaimed Mr. Meekton's wife. Mr. Meekton roused himself from his semi-dose, and exclaimed: "What's the matter, Henrietta! You haven't got all through with the people of this earth, have you? V- Mrs. Stockyards Well, why doesn t she marry him? Miss Sparerlb Oh, she says there's a stain on his family escutcheon. Mrs. Stockyards Well, good gracious! Don't they keep any servants who can scrub? Chicago Dally News. "Do you think it would Improve my style?" inquired the 'varsity man who had got into the crew through favorat-ism. favorat-ism. "if I were to acquire a faster stroke?" "I would improve the crew," replied the candid trainer, "if you got a paralytic stroke." Tit-Bits. "It must be frightfully cold this morning." morn-ing." said Subbubs, looking out the bedroom bed-room window. "I guess it is pretty chilly," said his wife. "It must be. There goes Harry Vane with hi shabby fall overcoat on over his new spring suit." Philadelphia Press. O Edmonla Mrs. Topnotch Is what I call Impertinent. Eudocia In what way? Edmonia Why, she Is not a Colonial Dame: but when she came to the Colonial reception she had on a more elegant frock than any one of the Dames. Detroit De-troit Free Press. |