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Show f THE OLD IRISH REPORTER. The day's doings printed in the Irish newspapers news-papers are oftentimes as amusing as they are interesting. in-teresting. It is the attempt to mike much of little lit-tle Avhich captivates those who appreciate humor, "unbeknown" to those who inflict it. Ireland is almost al-most crimeless. Xo rush to f lunge a minute into a second tempts accident or calamity. Hence everything of a local character is treated at great length; nothing is omittetT With scrupulous fidelity the reporter prefixes or affixes titles to every "half sir" or Esq. The reporter is probably an old man who has been in the service of the newspaper for a Quarter of a century. His language and style of composition have undergone no change from the day he wrote his first "copy" up to the present. If it be a young fellow who handles han-dles the local matter, the "boy" is -content to follow fol-low the style set by his senior. Wo sincerely hope the old man and the boy will stick to their style. Any change from it would make us feel lonesome. It would sound as if the Irish were undergoing change and "borrowing words", from the Sasseri-ach; Sasseri-ach; that no longer were they, the simple, devoted, pious people we love to think they are. , Take, for example, an accident which the old reporter describes. The person injured. wa3 coming com-ing from a fair; when "the calamity overtook him." He fell out of his cart. The donkey was "not to blame; no dislocation of gearing belonging to the cart upsc the occupant. ; What,- then,, caused the accident to the Irishman? A little further on arr -explanation of the-"unfortunate occurrence" is related by the sympathetic old reporter. The mystery mys-tery is solved. "It was thought by those. AVll( wj. nessed it," he writes, "that Mr. McLaughlin h-., taken a drop too much at the fair!" Taken a dn.., too much! XV newly coined slang to expn inebriety, which the fresh American reporter won use almost every day. "Taken a drop too much" just as good language today as it was in ('('. ,11-nell's ,11-nell's time. "Mr. McLaughlin's injuries were in.t so severe as they might have been," concludes reporter. There you have it. Who among American Ameri-can pencil pushers can wind up a story of an u-. cident so philosophically as this one.1 ! Anon Ave come to a paragraph as long as yo 1 finger about a boy who had two of these u-eiV.; digits squeezed, "so it was feared amputation avowM be the result of the unforeseen occurrence." T';: boy retains all of his linger-. There is aiiot'.. ;-paragraph ;-paragraph to which the old reporter pays at;, n tion, but to which he omits either comnieiir that bit of advice' he is licensed to giA-- in o:-,i, to make the item solid and lengthy. Ir is a m. ;.. accident near Clonmel, or. rather, an "alarmi;" motor accident. "Lady Arranmose and Mi.-s ynr. ley were driving from Bessbomugb, near Wa ford, to Limerick, and when negotiating a t;r,;i on the Cahir road the car skidded on the -lippi ; -ground, knocked against a ditch and turned on ;-.'-"Xegotiating a turn" is all right for turn'nia ,i corner. At the end of the reporter's story. i - learned that, the damage was almost entirely -is tained by the engine of the motor. The good soul, however, does not put it in that language. is as careful to avoid offending the "quality" ,r he A-ould be of offending the parish priest's nii r, Therefore there is no suggestion from him that a jaunting car is much safer than an automobile. TL-jaunting TL-jaunting car where "first I saw Sweet Peggy." Tl,-jaunting Tl,-jaunting car where loA-e is promoted, and niatcho settled, and rough riding is fun galore. It n-.u--be such a rollicking conveyance that inspired "Mickey Free" to sing: And the English, bad luck to them, hate u?. Because we've more fun than them all. But, never mind. Our hat i.- doffed to the Irish reporter. The La Tribuna di Roma is evidently eciih.1 by a person who has had some training with th" yellow journals of the United States. Perhaps L-is L-is a real Yankee. In that paper of recent date appears ap-pears a letter sent to the Pope signed by a person named Guiseppc Darco. who is patriarch, or king of the Island of Galita, off the coast of Africa, Af-rica, in the Mediterranean. Darco, it appears. ti'l from the Papal States in 1S50, when at the age of 20. and a member of the Giovanne Italia. lie killed a political associate. Embarking in a small boat, winds and waves drove him to this uninhabited uninhab-ited island. Like Robinson Crusoe, he explored ir. It was the only sensible thing to do. lie found something richer than the he and she goats which laid the foundation for Crusoe's wealth. He found a cavern, as did Edmond Dantes of "Monte Cristo" fame, and in the cavern he unearthed a treasure; gold and silver galore, buried there by the traditional pirates of Barbary. He loaded bis inside and outside pockets with coins, embarked again on the rolling billow, and landed at Algiers. where a-courting he did go. . Returning to the island with an Italian wife, he raised a family, the number of Avhich would arouse envy in the brea-o of the proudest Mormon elder. At the age of 7:1. "Signor" Darco has fifty-seven children, grand-! grand-! children and great-grandchildren. He was undisputed, undis-puted, sovereign of this treasure island until one day a Frenchman sailed in, claimed possession in the name of the republic of France, and demanded that Darco pay taxes and submit to other disagreeable disagree-able things offensive to a king of an island". This explains the letter to the Pope, to whom Darco claims allegiance, and prays the Pope to dri-e the French from the island. And the Pope, in the goodness of his heart and for the welfare of , Holy Church, seizes the telephone and breaks the iieAvs to the editors of La Tribuna di Roma. And lo and behold! it comes OA-er the cable a? the best "scoop" since the1 conclave Aras written up. : 4 |