OCR Text |
Show SPOKEN IN JEST. Ozark Mountain- Nwb:- "Tug Wilson" tells a good storv about an ex-Kentucky colonel of the "Quality Folks" sort, whom he once met in western Kansas. "The colonel was an enthusiast on the Irrigation scheme that was sweeping over Kansas at that time.- He was so positive in his theories and so high tempered that few people cared to disagree with him. One day, as he ' was standing in front of the office, talking with several friends. 'Pink' Barclay. : that lives over on Snake creek, came along. ' and, after shaking hands around, turned to the colonel colo-nel and said: "Colonel. I've got forty acres of land lying close to Snake creek that I want to irrigate, and I would like to ask your advice about it.' 'Very, well, sah.' responded the colonel; 'my advice is. dam the creek." 'I did do that.' said "Pink." 'and cut a ditch down across the land, but I couldn't, get. rise enough. 'Then I would dam the ditch, sah.' re plied the colonel. 'That's just what I did do.' said 'Pink. 'but the hogs rooted holes in the banks: what would you do about that?" "What would I do?" snorted the colonel: 'I would damn the hogs, sah! I would damn the hogs!' " John B. Gough. whose early training as an actor had given him a good equipment equip-ment for his later work as a temperance orator, and who. because of his effective manner, seldom met with opposition from those who listened to him in public, was lecturing In -a- nearby town, and, after painting the tavern as a piece of contamination contam-ination even for the abstainer, asked: "Don't you all agree with me, friends, that there is nolnlace a man should go, and of which he should tell his mother and sisters, unless he might take them, too. there? -Should there be any such place?" "Oh! y-e-s," came drawllngly from a rear seat. The audience was roused from its spell of admiration for the orator, and turned to look at the owner of the voice. Gough smiled as though he thought no discussion discus-sion Dosslble. and blandly asked: "Where, friend, would you go, telling mother and sisters, but refusing to take them with you?" "The barber's." was the reply. r |