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Show 'j THAT REMINDS ME- j i a the Scotsman tells this story, it can-not can-not bo peeled of proving false to-, (07rishrtrTnd: insisted that a Scotch-I Scotch-I jn lr,s" ... hj house instead ot Plaving the host in detail. een in treat nghirn to all places of amusement. ins all the cab tares and the ret Y n n the visitor was returning to Diinet m. ' n-: n-: irishman sew him down to steamer and they went together to hae a last C'w. look here." said the man from Dunedin. "I'll hae nae. mair o thl. Here ve've been keeyin' e at your J i mor-.th. a-.' uayln' for the s; and eb.s end so one I tell you 1 11 stau nae mair o it: We'll Just hae a toss for this one!" AN EMBARRASSING HONOR The obsequiousness of those who nope to advance themselves by being exceed-I exceed-I Inclv j.olite to their superiors in offtc. I sometimes assumes an amusing: aspeet. V certain head of a government partment was invited, says a daily ft! per, to dine with others at a table witn a cabinet cab-inet minister. During the dinner the tor-mer. tor-mer. who happened to be placed between a door and a window, ami had said not time ti-me .-t all. beirpn to sneeze. "Are you taking cold. Mr. Brown? asked the cabinet minister. "I believe I have the honor and pleasure." pleas-ure." answered Mr. Brown, bowing very respectfully. NOT STICKING TO HIS COLORS. 'That butter's too white. Give me two pounds of this. It has more color In it. "All right, sir. Anything else?" "Yes. I want half a pound of uticol- orcd Japan tea." ! t ONLY A SUGGESTION. Bonis Give me a rhyme for "civil. I am writing a poem. Naggus Try "drivel." ADVANTAGES OF FOREIGN TRAVEL. For us Americans, no education Is complete com-plete without a trip abroad. There is so much to be seen paintings, marbles, palaces, pal-aces, cathedrals. When one has trawled and seen all this, with whatever else nature na-ture and art have to display, he Is blessed far and away beyond the Impecunious drudge who " is tied to his desk. Si thought this American couple, who had "exhausted the sights of the continent in thirtv days." and were on their way home with devout thankfulness. A fellow-passenger in discussing the sights of the Old World with them mentioned Rome. The husband could not remember whether thov had visited Rome or not. He appealed" to his wife. "ClHra," he said, "did we take In Rom or didn t we?" "Rome? Rome?" responded that lady in deep thought. "Why, yes. We were there. Don't you remember? That's the place where I bought your socks." CHOICE OF EVILS. "I hate to have to pack up again, Jake." protested the wife. "This will be the thirteenth time we have moved since we came to town, and that's bad luck." "But we're owin' $1.1 rent on this house. Ifctrg," he said, "and it'll be a heap worse luck to stay here and have to pay it." i:ncleallen. "There is no experience in life, my boy." said Uncle Allen Sparks, "but will be good for you if you make the right use of it. Even when you do a mean thing you hate yourself for it, and that's always al-ways a useful exercise of the mind." HOW SHE RECKONS TIME. Girl With the Gibson Girl Neck How long since you were vaccinated? Girl With the Julia Marlowe Dimple -The last time, I think, was just before my sixth engagement. GREATER SUPPLY NOW. The old-time sages who In figures were expert Said, "Every man before he dies Must eat his peck of din." But in these later days. 'Tis figured that of things unclean He eats about a ton. CAN BE DONE. Impatient Husband (on the outside What are the Revolutionary Daughters doing now electing delegates or quarrel-inr? quarrel-inr? Doorkeeper Both.' HAS ITS AWKWARD FEATURES. "There's a fellow somewhere down-town that looks exactly like me. I am taken for him a dozen times a day." "That's funny." "Yes, but it isn't as funny as it used to be. I've found out he owes a small bill at nearly every cigar store In town.' |