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Show McGoofey's First Reader and Eclectic Primer . n Edited by H. I. PHILLIPS ' the Trojan wars a member of the peace conference.... a Kentucky derby winner lack of memory. Gnome is the name of a City in Alaska ....a type of dwarf a piece of electrical equipment a negative answer an-swer to a lady, as for example, "Do you - want to take me to a dance?" "Gnome, I do not." The tocsin is the sounding sound-ing of an alarm a serum used to ward off disease a type of Indian headdress a small flag flown at the masthead of rum-runners. DIET WARNING In the sultry days of summer 0 Be most careful what you eat; Certain foods should be avoided In the season when there's heat Pork is not a summer foodstuff To be taken to excess; Any meats in weather torrid Should be passed up, more or less. Thick soups are often harmful In a very torrid clime; And in eating "hot dogs" never Eat a dozen at a time. Sparing be of your potatoes When the day is very hot And you shouldn't feast on pastries Even when the weather's not. THE STORY OF SIDNEY 1 Sidney had talent For a time he was thought to be genius. 2 He showed an ear for music when he was a babe in arms. 3 When he was only three years old he surprised his parents by carrying car-rying a tune perfectly. 4 "Maybe he will grow up to be a great musician," said mommer. "Maybe a great singer," said popper. They were full of hopes. 5 They gave him music lessons when he was five years old and he showed such skill with the violin that they put him under a great master. 6 By the time he was seven Sidney Sid-ney was a boy wonder. 7 At the age of eight he gave his first public concert. It was at Carnegie hall. 8 His picture was on all the billboards. bill-boards. 9 "A second Krelsler!" thought Sidney's parents. Some of the critics crit-ics predicted great things for the lad. 10 And some of them did not 11 He made a tour about the big cities and seemed to be going pretty well. 12 Two or three papers said he was destined to eclipse Mischa El-man. El-man. 13 And then something happened. hap-pened. Sidney seemed to stop developing de-veloping or something. 14 Maybe it was something he ate. 15 Anyhow, you can see him, if you look hard enough, any night now, and without paying conceit prices. 16 He is a fiddler in one of those movie house orchestras employing 22-violinists, massed. MORAL Many are called but few survive It. Take all ice cold drinks with judgment judg-ment v Don't go wild on soda pop; And in eating ice cream sundaes You should know the time to stop. If you don't commit these errors You will be a prudent kid But there's still a chance you will be JUST AS SICK AS IF YOU DID! SCRAMBLED LETTERS CONTEST Rearrange these letters so they will spell the names of well-known birds and beasts: Woe. Caynar. Swallwo. Odg. Parrto. Thruhs. Cta. Wnre. Ctabrid. Ronib. Blueridb. Hsore. Swrropa. Goflamin. Gato. (If you fail to do the above work In less than three days, four hours and thirty minutes you are slightly slight-ly subnormal, and that's giving yon all the breaks). WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE SENTENCES? i I Whom have I we here? WehavePhilo. 1 i-ftS5 Who is Philo? t ffJK :'.' Philo is a jfe' yachtsman. SSWSvT' know Philo Is a ( iii0K& I aehtsman? 1 1 1 A B e c a u s e he tifliJ 11 looks so worried fca-r'-t lua J. and has a yachting yacht-ing cap on. Why is Philo worried? If yon had a yacht you would be worried, too. What is there about yacht ownership own-ership to worry -a man? You don't know half of it. But isn't a yacht supposed to be an instrument of pleasure and contentment con-tentment through which one finds surcease from care? Yeah, that's what it's supposed to be. Then why not in Philo's case? Because this is one of those years when half the yachtsmen in the country don't know where the next sheriff is coming from. Is the sheriff after Philo? If he isn't then Philo is the exception. ex-ception. But if Philo can't afford to run a yacht why does he put It overboard over-board ? He had an idea it would be harder hard-er for his creditors to find the boat in commission than if he left it on the ways. What does it cost to own a yacht? Well, J. P. Morgan once answered that question by saying that anybody any-body who had to ask that question should never own one. INTELLIGENCE TEST Check the word which properly completes the following sentences: Schottische is the name of the people of Scotland a dance a great composer... a dish something like Hungarian Hun-garian goulash. Baroda is a type of sailboat sail-boat an old-fashioned carriage car-riage a place in India.... a great movie director. A stereoscope is an optical op-tical instrument a device used on submarines something some-thing used by doctors to note heartbeats, heart-beats, etc a device to keep ships steady at sea. A gnu is ...a person who works on the Gnu Republic a member of a tribe of East Indian savages a fish found In tropical trop-ical waters '. a beast something some-thing like a buffalo. Memnon was a figure in 1 The fighter who had won twelve out of fifteen rounds was awarded the decision. 2 The convention keynote speaker speak-er refused to make any statement that he did not believe. 3 "I have looked over the terms of the new income tax." said the American business man, "and I think they're just grand." - PROBLEMS 1 If It takes a radio comedian 4 days and 17 hours to dig up enough old jokes for one broadcast how much better would his program be If It took about a half hour to think tip something original? 2 How long will It take a woman wom-an weighing 167 pounds to change the tire on a car 11 feet long while her husband, weighing 200 pounds, and 6 feet in height, is in the vicinity? vi-cinity? 3 Mrs. "A" takes 15 minutes before be-fore she can pick out a satisfactory cantaloupe; Mrs. "B" thumbs them for 20 minutes before reaching a decision; de-cision; It takes Mrs. "C" all day. How much time could be saved if they would buy bananas instead? 4 Williams had a speedboat 36 feet long; Arthur has a sloop 40 feet long; Walter travels by bus, Which of the three gets home on time to dinner? 5 The radio program wasl so good it put only half the unseen audience to sleep. 6 The newsreel weekly release contained no picture of a ship christening. chris-tening. 7 When stocks were at ridiculously ridicu-lously low levels the Investment expert ex-pert boldly advised purchases. 8 "Let's not park here," said the girl In her boy friend's sedan. "There's no electric light" 9 The. taxicab driver slowed down so a private car could cut In ahead of him. |