OCR Text |
Show Uncle Walfe : BALMY PEACE ((TN THE sylvan solitudes," said the A wild man of tin1 woods, "a man doesn't see any magazines and doesn't receive any bulletins from the health authorities, so he enjoys a peace that is never known in the busy haunts. you piaee a mop ou iuc longu. - lilliator, It will roll over, dead." "T rolil her that I had no alligators (in the premises, and consequently could not try the experiment, tun I assured her that 1 didn't care anything about the poison. I wanted my coffee at remilar hours. She said I'd have to keep on wantinc. She thought too much of me to send me to an untimely Grave. Ami, anyhow, she esplalm-d hr. Zinkfoogle had told how to make a substitute for coffee that was perfectly perfect-ly wholesome. She had followed his instructions, aud the result was before me. Perhaps it didn't taste as good as coffee, but it was wholesome. It would fill my veins with red corpuscles and restore hair to my bald head. It v:;s made of marrowfat per.s which haS been carefully roasted in a hot oven. "In order to got. a cup of coffee after that I had to make a sneak to the chop house, and the kind dished tip there made me old before my time. My wife cut out all my favorite dishes because be-cause Dr. Zlnkfoogle or some other magazine writer denounced them, and Anally I -was living on roasted reaa coffee and boiled spinach, and I concluded con-cluded that If I had to feed like the cows I'd live like them, so I came to the forest fastnesses." "'There a man simply has to subscribe sub-scribe for a lot of m a g a 7. i ties, as a matter of self-de-fen se. Canvassers are after him all the time. Some of the canvassers are lone widows w i t h m a n y children to J support, and others are energetic youmi ; men who are t ry-s ry-s ing to work their way through the veterinary college. They are deserving people, and you feel it a duty to help hem along, so the first thing you know your ma'.l box Is jammed full of literature, flavin;;' paid for it, yon feel that yon ought to read it, and your life is ruined thereby. "When I was young, the magazines tried to entertain people. They had good stories and a Poet's Corner, and a department devoted to timely jokes, and another to household hints and domestic do-mestic recipes. There was some sense in -reading a magazine then, for it soothed and sustained you. But nowadays now-adays the magazine editors consider It their duty to harrow your soul and make your hair stand on end like quills upon the porkful frolcupmo, or words to that effect. They are always viewing with alarm, anil trying to convince con-vince you that you take your life in your hand every five minutes. "They have a lot of health specialists special-ists writing for them, and these health sharps point out that pretty near everything ev-erything you eat and drink is a deadly poison. They didn't scare me to any great extent, for I am a most intrepid man, but they soon bad my wife so rattled she didn't know whether she was going or coming. "I always was passionately fond of a good cup of coffee, and my wife could make the best coffee, you ever heard of. She went to work at it like a learned apothecary compounding a prescription. There was no guess work about it. She took an honest nride in it. and her coffee was a reve- lation to every consumer. I used to lie awake at night wishing it was breakfast break-fast time, so I could have my morning cup of coffee. "But one morning when I went to the table the coffee was mis-sing. In its place there was a sickly beverage I had never seen before. I asked an explanation, ex-planation, and my wife said that no more coffee would he made in our house. 'The wonder is,' said she, 'that we still live and move am! have our being, be-ing, for coffee is a rank poison. If you read Dr. Zinfoogle's article in the Junkopolitan Magazine, you will see thai; coffee contains a large percentage of tamiin. which is so deadly that if |