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Show I ALWAYS OUT. IN AFTER YEARS. Falhor Time had been swinging his trusty scythe for 20 long years, when they accidentally met again, lie was a bachelor of forty-live, bald and slightly disfigured, but still In the ring. She a spinster, fair and forty, but not as fair as she used to be. "Do you remember," she gurgled, "how you proposed to me the last time we met, and I refused you?" - "Well, I guess yes," he replied. "It la the happiest recollection of my life." ...... And seeing It was a hopeless case, she meandered along her lonely way. Riding a Hobby. "Splnks Is back from his vacation already." "Yes. lie says he had the time of his life." "A round of gaiety, I presume?" "Nothing of the sort. Splnks Is a stamp collector. lie met another crank with the same hobby. They sat around for ten days discussing stamps and then Splnks came home." Rather Antique. Gunn I have Just succeeded In perfecting per-fecting an Invention that will revolutionize revolu-tionize modern warfare. Dunn So? What Is the nature of It? Gunn A powder that's absolutely noiseless. Dunn Pshaw! That's old; women have been using that brand for centuries. centu-ries. Painful Recollection. "I suppose when you contemplate yonr books they recall many happy hours to you," said the bibliophile. "I'm afraid not," answered Mr. Dub-walte. Dub-walte. "You surprise me." "It's this way. Whenever I look at those books the first thought that occurs oc-curs to me is the hard time I had pnylng the Installments on them." APPLICATION. "Did your husband leave you much when he died?" "He didn't leave me much more than when lie was alive." Little Diversions. He plays a little poker And golfs a little, too; And yet they take up so much time He nothing else can do. Continuous Struggle. "I understand Mrs. Gadders' gowns are creating a sensation at the resort where she is staying this summer." "S5 they are." "I presume she is well pleased with herself." "Oh, a woman can never rest on her laurels where clothes are concerned. Each day dawns ushers in a new battle bat-tle for sartorial supremacy." Those Loving Girls. Hazel Young Dashley proposed to me last night, but I couldn't think of marrying him. He's too fresh. Aimee That's the one reason of all others why you should marry him, dear. Hazel Why, what do you nnenf Aimee The union of extremes usually usu-ally makes a satisfactory average. Common Type. "I don't believe I have ever known a more .consistent optimist than Dub-waite." Dub-waite." "Well, Dubwalte is like a lot of other oth-er optimists." "How is that?" "He doesn't care how much he worries wor-ries his ' friends and relatives. Just so he doesn't put himself out." Limited Understanding. "It does seem queer," remarked the party who seemed to be thinking aloud. "What seems queer?" asked the innocent in-nocent bystander. "That after getting a man in hot water wa-ter a woman can't understand why he should boil over," explained the noisy thinker. Merely a Suggestion. "Yes,", she murmuretl sweetly, "I have seen twenty-three summers." "It is Just possible," suggested the matter-of-fact young man, "that if you were to consult au eye specialist he might be able to do something for you." A Hopeless Case. "Papa says," remarks the fluffy-haired fluffy-haired girl, "that he will never consent to our marriage until you're able to support me." "Great Scott !" exclaimed the poor, but otherwise honest young man. "Does he want his only daughter to die an old maid?" , GOOD IDEA. L WM TO "Say, Ragsy, what does 'procrastination' 'procrastina-tion' mean?" . , "To put off." "Then we was procrastinated from that train yesterday." A Swift One. ! He ran for trains, he ran for boats, He ran for office, too, they say; He ran to business, ran to lunch. Then ran In debt and ran away. Not a Free Lunch. VI say, waiter," queried the seedy chap as he climbed a stool at the lunch counter, "what can you give me for breakfast?" "I can't give you anythteg," replied the man behind the white apron, "but I can let you have ham and eggs for a quarter." ' Provided For. ' "I understand that many celebrities eat here." "Yes, tills is a restaurant noted for that." "Still, celebrities are not, as a rule, generous to the head waiter." "That's true, but he fares quite well at the hands of people who come here to see the celebrities." Postponed Pleasure. "Is that the Gadder family out in their new car?" "No. That's Gertrude Gadder and a party of friends. Mr. and Mrs. Gadder, Gad-der, as well as the Juvenile members of the family, hope to enjoy a few rides when Gertrude has paid some of her obllgatious to society." Acquired Talent "Maw," said the small son of a pugilist, pugi-list, "paw isn't a natural-born fighter, is he?" "Of course he Is," replied the mother. moth-er. Why do you think he isn't?" "Well," answered the young hopeful, "I heard Mrs. Neighbor- gay that he acquired the knack of fighting since he married you." Nothin' Doin'. "In the last dozen of eggs you sent me," said the lady customer, who appeared ap-peared to be peeved, "there were two bad ones. Will you make them good?" '-'What I Make two bad eggs good?" gasped the astonished merchant. "What do you think I am a magician?" magi-cian?" Paw's Good Guess. Little Lemuel (reading) Say, paw, what Is the "pale of civilization"? Paw Oh, it's some new brand of face powder, I suppose. XiHM- J First Suburbanite What do you do when you haven't your rent when the landlord comes around? Second Suburbanite Untie the dog In the front yard. More About Mary. Mary ordered porterhouse. But It made her shiver - rf When she found the butcher hiW Sent two pounds of liver. Could Be More Expensive. "Some of those oriental monarchs have a great many wives." "True." "That's a rather expensive way to live." "So it Is, but I don't suppose any of those potentates are so foolish as to present each wife with an Individual motor cur." |