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Show THE PLOT OF 1891. The Success of the Liverpool Mission. Dramatis personae, Fussy James Anderson and Heavenly Cousin Callister. Scene Internal revenue office. Time Evenirig before Fussy's return re-turn to Washington. A. Ed, my boy, everything has transpired -precisely as I planned it. We can't lose now, whether Smoot is thrown out of the senate or not. I didn't come back to bask in the valleys of the mountains or hear the Tabernacle organ. I've fixed the legislature so that if Reed goes out, you, my dear cousin, go in. Follow me? C. Fussy, you're the Roscoe Conkling of Utah. A. (Complacently.) You know It. There is something I have not seen fit to divulge to you, but you may as well know it now that Reed has summoned me back, to Washington. I was sent here on a special mission, as the bearer of important im-portant documents to President Smith. Close the transom, Cal, my boy, while I whisper. In these papers Reed said he could cinch his seat f Apostles Taylor and Cowley were thrown out of the quorum. How's that for a little Fussy James-Reed James-Reed Smoot diplomacy? 0. Fussy, you are. the village wonder. But how did you succeed? A. (Winking sagaciously.) Pardon me, my dear cousin, but there are certain things which must be kept dark even from you. As you are perfectly aware, I, Fussy Jimmy, am the. greaj; original discoverer of Reed Smoot C. Wait a minute; I had a hand in that A. Silence, please. You remember that four years ago, I took advantage of the fact that there was not a Mormon in the congressional delegation delega-tion from Utah, and at the proper time and place suggested Smoot for the place. But President Snow thought the church needed the money, so Tom Kearns yas chartered. But even two years ago Reed would have had a hard struggle, had it not been for one thing. I foresaw the difficulty, and I we had him made an apostle. Then it was so easy it was almost a pity to do It. C. That's so. But it seems to me you overlooked over-looked your cousin Cal a little. I was ready four years ago, when I was state chairman, tb jump ln, and two years ago, I can't see why you didn't send me Instead of Reed and save all this trouble. Then last year, when I had the nomination for governor in my vest pocket, you and Reed threw me over like a shovel full of spear grass, and nominated Cutler. Really, Fussy, I don't like to complain, but Fussy (pompously). My dear Cal, calm yourself. your-self. There are some things that are a little too tdeep for you. I regret to have to say it, but you 1 1 i ii 1 1 ii iii i i J- jpH didn't figuro in the play at all, except as a sort of I misty background. I figured out the whole I scheme as Ipng ago as 1891, and everything has B worked out as I planned it without a single hitch. I You will remember that in that year Reed I Smoot, John C. Cutler and myself were on a mis. sion together in the Liverpool office. That was about the time of the division on party lines. All I had to do was to edit the Millennial Star, super-vise super-vise the work of President Brigham Young of the European mission, and act as a sort of walking walk-ing delegate for the mission. Smoot and Cutler were not very long on preaching, and spent most of their time at the office fondling coupons and discussing Provo Woollen Mill dividends. Occasionally I joined them in thes6 worldly conversations, and after a time wo all became deeply absorbed in Utah poll-tics. poll-tics. Most of us were Democrats then, but that doesn't matter. You know, of course, that I am a born leader, and what follows will consequently not surprise you. One day in the midst of a heated argument, I got a sudden inspiration. "Brethren," I remarked, "'I have conceived a fl masterful plan, such as only a member of the house of Fussy- could evolve. Let us all be Re- H publicans when we return to Utah. I, brethren, I will assume the leadership and direct all the at- fl fairs of the party. And, brethren, said I, If you'll fl be obedient, I'll make you, Reed Smoot, a United fl States Senator, and you, John C. Cutler, shall be H governor of Utah" I C. (excitedly). Jimmy, you are the eighth won- I dei' I A. Don't interrupt. For a while they could I not grasp the situation, "but they finally consented. I You will see that everything worked out just I as I had planned, and you will now understand H why it was Impossible for you to get the senator-ship, senator-ship, as well as the necessity for giving Reed an apostleship in order to land him. After that, un der my sagacious leadership, the Cutler end of it was easy. Today I stand upon a pinnacle as the first great unabridged edition of a maker and un-maker un-maker of senators, potentates C. (interrupting). Jamas, I see it all. But while you are doing this making and unmaking specialty, when are you going to turn a little trick for yourself? A. My dear Cal, while modesty is my predominating pre-dominating trait, I haye not entirely overlooked your cousin Fussy. Are you sure the transom is secure? Very well. Eyer since the ungodly Gentiles Gen-tiles began this crusade against Reed, I have been looking for a soft place to light. In the first place, Cal., it was necessary in your interests to throw as much discredit on Governor Wells as possible, as ho might be a strong senatorial possibility, and for this reason I stirred up the strife about the land board, being careful not to mention the name of Secretary Groo. But (stage whisper) In this land board business there was the main Issue. BBlBaBminBmiBmnunlar Interest in the land board waB stirred up, a bond ttill now bo required from the secretary, and the salary Is to De advanced to $2,400 a year. My dear cousin, that's a tidy sum, and when that is passed, I, Fussy Jimmy, maker and unmaker of senators, am to be secretary of the land board. q, (hysterically). Is't possible? A. Sure. It's all fixed. But it's time now for me to grasp a train and answer my summons and produce the documents. Cal, as you know, I have successfully managed the county and state, and now I'm to take charge of affairs at Washington, Washing-ton, But take my advice, cousin, and senator-to-be. Keep after Wells; have an eye on the Woollen Mills, and let the friction from the shaking of your feet keep the lobbies of the Legislature warm. Say, Cal, can anybody beat the Heavenly Cousins? C. (warmly). Not under the shades of Moroni. Mo-roni. But remember your promise. If Senator j3moot goes out A. You're it! (Hand claspB. Curtain.) NEEDED APPROPRIATIONS. |