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Show JOHN HENRY ON SUMMER RESORTS. By HUGH McllUGII IGBORGB . HOBART1 "Tho Afternoon Parade." Mo for that summer resort gag Oh! fine! I fell for a Saratoga set-back this summer, but never no moro for mine. At night I used to sit up with tho rest of tho social push and drink high-balls high-balls to mako me sick, so I could drink Saragota water In tho mornlug to mako mo well. That's what Is called reciprocity, because be-cause It works both ways against tho middle. Isn't it tho limit tho way peoplo from all over the country will rush to theso fashionable summer resort with wldoopen pockotbooks and with their bank accounts frothing t the mouth! Tho most popular fad at every summer sum-mer resort I'vo over climbed Into Is to watch tho landlord reaching out for tho coin. Husbands mako bets with their wives whether the landlord of tho ho-tol ho-tol will get all their money In an hour or an hour nnd a half. Both husband, nnd wlfo loose; bo-cause bo-cause the landlord generally gots It lu ten minutes. At some of the hotol dining-rooms It costs six dollars to peep In, olght dollars to walk In and flftcon dollars to get near enough to a waltor to talk soup. You can seo lots of swell guys In the dining-rooms who aro now using a fork In public for tho first tlmo. This reminds mo of an experience I had In a certain summer resort dining-room not long ago. At a table near mo sat Ike Goose-helmer. Goose-helmer. Ike Is a self-made man and he mads a quick Job of It. Iko was eating with his knife and doing It so recklessly that I felt like yelling for the sticking plaster. Aftor I had watched him for about flvo minutes trying to Jugglo tho now peas on a knife, It got on my nerves, so I spoke to him. "Ike," I said, thinking possibly I might euro him with a bit of sarcasm, sar-casm, "aren't you nfrald you will cut yourself with tho sword?" "Oh! no, no," Iko answered, looking at tho knlfo with contempt; "thoro Is no dangor nt all. But at tho Palmer house In Chicago Ah! thero thoy havo sharp knives!" Ike Is beyond the breakers for mlno. Tho races at Saratoga wero extremely extreme-ly exciting. A friend of mine volunteered to pick out tho winners for mo, but aftor I , lost eight dollars I dccldod that It would bo cheaper to pick out a now frlond. But I do love to mlnglo with society at the summer resorts. It Isn't generally known, but one of my great-grandfathers was present when tho original 400 landed at Plymouth Plym-outh Rock. My great-grandfather owned tho rock. A couplo of nights after the original origi-nal 400 landed on Plymouth Rock tho leader of tho smart set, Mrs. Von Tweedledum, gavo a full-dress ball. My great-grandfather looked in nt tho full-dress ball and was so shocked that ho went nnd opened a clothing storo next day. Socloty never forgave him for this Insinuation. But say, Isa't It immenso the way "Ike Is a Self-Kade Man." tho doings of those society dubs aro chronicled In tho society papors? In caso you haven't noticed them I would like to put you wise to a fow; SOCIAL GLINTS FROM THE SUMMER SUM-MER RESORTS. Among tho smart setters now present pres-ent nt Saratoga Is John J, Souse-builder, Souse-builder, tho well-known millionaire from Cincinnati. He Is horo to follow fol-low tho races, but hu seems te have an Idea that tho horses llvo In the hotel barroom, because that is where ho docs most -of his following. Cornelius Sudsllftor, tho well-known Inventor of tho patent chowless chow-chow, chow-chow, Is paying deep attention te Esmeralda Ganderfacc, tho brilliant daughter of old man Tlghtftst Gnu-dcidce, Gnu-dcidce, tho millionaire Inventor of a system of opening clams by steam. Cornelius and Esmoralda make a sweet and beautiful plcturo s they stroll arm In arm to tho post office, Mercedes and Peter. whero Cornelius malls a check for the weok'a alimony to his former wife, who Is visiting lawyers In South Dakota. Da-kota. Hector J. Roobcrnlk, well known In society, is spending tho summer at Atlantic City. Hector was formerly a Bohemian glass blower, but ho Is now rich enough to leave off tEIio last part of bis occupation, so ho calls hlmsolf Just a bohomlan which la different. Hector Is paying deep attention at-tention to Phyllis Kurdshelmer, tho daughter of Mike Kurdshelmer, the millionaire inventor of the slippery olm shoo horn. Gub Beanhotstor, tho widely known bunion broker and society man of South Nowark, is summering at Capo May, whero ho mingles with tho other pets of fnshlon. Gus finds It very hard to refrain from looking at people's peo-ple's feet during tho bathing hours, but otherwlso he la doing qulto well. Hank Schmltplcklo and his latest wife from Chicago sailed on the steam, ship Mlnnohaha last week to spend tho season In tho BrltlBh capital. Tho Schmltplckles will occupy tho villa at No. 714 Cottagecheeso placo, Blltherlngham Park, near Speakeasy Towers, on tho Old Kent road, Bays-- water, across from Shorodltch God save tho king! Mercodea Cauliflower Is Bummerlng at Narragansett Pier, and her fiance Mr. Peter Cuckooblrd, Is dancing attendance at-tendance upon hor. It will bo remembered re-membered thnt Mercedes Is tho daugh-tor daugh-tor and helross of Jacob Cauliflower, tho millionaire manufacturer of boneless bone-less tripe, which has become qulto a fad In society slnco tho beef triiBt got chesty. Peter Cuckooblrd Is a rising ris-ing young brlcklayor on his father's side, but on account of the fortuno left him by his mothor, ho Is now butter-flying butter-flying through lifo in a gasoline ba-roucho ba-roucho with diamond settings In tho tires. Hank Dobbs nnd his daughter, Crys-tallne, Crys-tallne, sailed on tho Oceanic yestorday for tho Riviera. Beforo tho steamship steam-ship pulled out Hnnk admitted that ho didn't know whether tho Rlvlora was a city or a new kind of cheese, but If money could do tho trick ho Intended In-tended to know tho truth. Mr. and Mrs. James Shine von Shlno wero divorced yesterday at tho homo of tho brldo'a pnronts In Newport. New-port. Tho coremony wns very slm-plo slm-plo but oxpenslvo to tho ox-husband. Considerable alimony changed hands. Tho prlvato cottago of Mrs. Offulrlch Swollswoll at Bar Harbor has been beautifully decorated In honor of tho npproachlng dlvorco of their daughter, daugh-ter, Gladys, from her husband, Porcy Sklddoo. Percy Is the woll-known manufacturer of tho revorslblo two-step two-step so much used by socloty. Cards aro all out for a divorce In tho family of tho Von Guzzles, but owing to a typographical error In tho cards It Is Imposslblo to s&y whqthor It la tho old man or tho son. Both employ hlondo typewriters. (Copyright, 1901. by O. W. Dillingham Co.) |