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Show | LL MLL 7 Canyon Reporter, April 19 - May ee 2-Wasatch 17, 1995 Canyons Shi KK eports: a ee ee Page Late and out-of-date; please use the information below mostly for phone numbers. lt is spring in the Wasatch and many of us our getting out our shafts, cleaning our balls, and getting ready for the most frustrating experiences of our lives...golf and love in the Wasatch. The Alta open is this Monday and by the time you read this | will be in the house, dateless, at under 140. The Alta Prom was last week and was far better than my high school prom. In fact several of the men who gussied themselves up for the Alta prom were quite a bit more attractive than my high ~ school prom date. The Alta prom is how all formals should be...com- | pletely decadently informal. ‘ 3 4 ‘ t : & Alta an Alta Snow Number Lovin’ in the Wasatch is the only thing more difficult than hitting a of lifts Base Oe one iron. The sad truth is that most of us have a better chance at shooting a 69 on the links than achieving it in a more amorous milieau. One season in the Wasatch | dumped twenty five pounds hiking where Alta neglected to place lifts, came in third in a “raccoon eyes” contest, fell head over heals in love, and generally felt good about myself. The woman | foolishly fell for enjoyed my company for a short time and then notified me that | was running a distant second in a three way race for her affections. | don’t know who the third string chump was, but he had to be a ski bum in the Wasatch, as we must be the only people this hard up. No amount of fine home cooked meals, all-nightholding-when-|-should-be-sleeping, or general sensitive nineties stuff were enough to keep me in the hunt, and | headed home holding the shabby red ribbon for runner-up. Second place in romance is akin to second place in traffic court: you’re still a loser, and you’re out a pile of money. In college | pulled a C- in a course that was called ‘ ‘practical statistics,” subtitled “How the intellectually bankrupt can complete their math requirement.” During one of the sessions the teacher meandered on about ratio and proportions and due to some trick of weak proffessor- i. ; 501-742-3333 I i short 501-572-3939 | 2g 5 of 3 7 mountain 452 : operatin ; . Cost of an all area adult L ift "Ticket Cost of a half -day adult [iift ‘Ticket Ti $25 $79 Half Day: 9:15 to 1:00 or 1:0 to 4:30 Brighton Brighton’s Snow Report Number d 801 1-943-8409 Number of lifts operating Base Depth mid mountain 6 of7 126” Cost of an all area adult lift Ticket $28 Half DayTicket $25 Half day starts at 12:30 Night Skiing Available Mon-Sat ! ial skill he magically finished with a mini lesson in micro economics and supply and demand. Years later on the plaza at Snowbird his little lesson struck a chord of truth with me, and the practical part of the title finally made sense. | have chosen to live in a place where men are as plentiful as Ramen noodles in a dorm room. The male sexual food snowbird Ww | chain in the canyons is topped by men named Sven who drop ungodly eighty foot airs, and land on their trust funds. | drive a rusty eighty three Toyota pickup, quail at ten foot cliffs, and am the biological equivalent to Plankton. | am the bottom feeder in the food chain of love, and there is precious little to nourish. Yes it is true there are some who flourish under the harsh light of intense competition. My wiley friend of Spanish descent is like a pig at © a trough, and | envy his ability to make these challenging dynamics work for him. When my winning lines of “looking for Mr. | well here he Ss” go head to head with “Hi | am one of the Beastie Boys” it is bound to be a lackluster season. Then again, it might not be the canyons, | n as little as six months, you could be trained as a massage therapist at UCMT, one of the it could be as Rob positive difference in peoples’ lives by learning a caring and healing profession. @ AMTACOMTAA accredited programs Number of lifts operating Aig, efi FON 7 6 month 730 hr. day or 1 year 712 hr. evening program ee RA Kee MASSAGE* THERAPY l (801) 521-3330 for enrollment information and a 1995 catalogue or stop by our facility. UCMT ¢ 25 South 300 East, Salt Lake City, UT 84111 chased the baddest Taylor Made Irons ever to set foot in the Wasatch, and the only fickle mistress | intend to tempt this summer is the notoriously mercurial game of | golf. Se gh9 Base Depth mid mountain 138” Cost of an all area adult lift Ticket $40 1/2 Day Ticket $33 Half day starts at 9:00 to 1:30 or 12:30 to close Solitude Solitude’s General Information Number you Bresee!” ‘Which is why | pur- r @ Nationally accredited through ACCET Financial aid available to those who qualify coon 801-742-2222 Voye said “It’s just nation’s top massage schools. Make a # Snowbird’s General Information Number — 801-534-1400 Number of lifts operating a Base Depth mid mountain unknown Cost of an all area adult lift Ticket $29 Cost of a Half day Ticket $23 Half Day Starts at 12:30 — Back Country Avalanche and Weather Info: 364-1581 UDOT Road Conditions 964.6000 : ; : ) 4 |
