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Show THE SAN JUAN RECORD Wednesday, October 3, 2001 - Page 14 Emergency Room Visit I guess I gave my too kind and loving wife a good scare the other day. Seems I was sick and then I blacked out, which caused me to flop over dead-lik- e on the deck out side. dont I think she would have minded, except we that were having folks over for a barbeque and it might have been uncomfortable to make them step over my corpse. Since I had house work to do, she kind of laughed and I heard her tell Turbo, Well dont this beat all? What will he think of next? He thinks just by dying he is going to get out of his house work. I have been known to go to great measures to avoid house work, so ofcourse her response was perfectly natural. But, I was laying there deadlike on the deck so she was rather alarmed and started slapping me upside the head a few times, just to make sure I wasnt faking it. After I woke up, she made me go to the hospital. I am pretty sure that she told the nurses to torture me some jest to test my resolve. There is nothing like going to the hospital to provide incentive to get better faster. At the hospital, after they saw I was still alive,, they brought in some trainees to practice sticking a live corpse with a ten inch needle. You can only teach so much with a mannequin. The head nurse lectured, You will notice how he winces with pain and gets squeamish at the sight of his blood squirting about...you have to be careful not to lose your patient at this point. You may want to get someone else to hold him up so he doesn't flop over and hit his head. Here now you try it! Honestly, I didn't think I was going to die until I saw the trainee coming at me with his eyes closed and holding a sharp needle with his hand shaking more than I was. Frankly, I have seen more accuracy during pin the tail on the donkey at a birthday party of sugared-u- p Since all this pain was not doing the trick and I was still determined to avoid the house work back home, the head ten-year-ol- Tb add to my humiliation, nurse said, Gary. This is put something in my IV that to I sent the world spinning. going hurt. they put one of those funny When a head nurse says, This is going to hurt, it means that you are free to lose your dignity and fall on the floor and sob. Which I proceeded to do to no avail. don't remember anything until I woke up in a hospital bed and the doctor said I was going to need lots of fluids and rest. Well I can tell you one thing. Don't be going to the hospital if you want to get rest and She proceeded to run a garden hose up through my relaxation. Just about the nose, down my throat, and into my stomach. About this time I time I would fall asleep, some nurse would come in and was willing to take my shake me and say, How ya chances with my house work feeling? Are you getting plenty route and I offered my advice to the pilot as I am a long time native of the area and know most of the scenic overlooks. The stewardess was awfully curt when 1 asked why they looked down at me, Well it looks like you are slightly and started repenting and of rest? You need some more pleading with everybody to blood. This is going to sting give me one more chance. just a tiny bit. But it was too late. They had And proceed to play pin the already called in their special tail on the donkey again. forces and strapped me onto a Frankly, I was tired of the gurney and put me in a game and didn't want to be the helicopter to fly me to Grand donkey (although many think Junction. I am a natural for the part) any Now this is my first time in more. After drawing out a helicopter so I thought we another quart or two of blood, might want to go the scenic she tapped the needle aqd I just wanted to anemic. little gowns on that are split all the way down the backside. It was awfully drafty. I wouldn't be caught dead in it, although the more they drew blood from me the more I was nearing the possibility. Here ya go Mr. Macho CaveGuy, just parade around in this cute little number for awhile and if that doesn't shut you up...and if that doesn't work.... well... there is always the rubber hose up your nose trick again." I wasn't in very good humor so I started rebelling and my too kind and loving wife said I wasnt being a very good patient But I started minding my manners real fast as they assigned me a new nurse.. .a large burly German lady that kept coming by and slapping her leg saying, Back to vork. Back to vork. De rubber glove gets you well fahster...de glove. and she would hold her hand up in the air and snap her latex glove. I shuddered under my pillow case and made my too kind and loving wife promise not to leave me alone with that woman. Finally, it was time to go home. As I left, the German nurse waved her latex covered hand at me with a disappointed look on her face. I think that next time .1 will scream out at her, Ya THINK Well Yah! Every person that comes by here stabs me with a didnt serve cocktails and needle and takes my blood. Of course the doctor did say honey roasted peanuts and if she wouldnt mind unstrap- lota of fluid, so I was looking ping me so I could at least see forward to my favorite drink the beautiful vistas. You can but they kept bringing me bet next time I will get the instead which tastes like preauthorization and pay for the syrup I use on my the first class upgrade. pancakes so I went on a I too was Perhaps talking hunger strike; which lasted much, I dont know, but they until lunch time. just do my house work. 7-- B USI N ESSIDI R E GfliO R M3 B U S I N E S SI D I R E GfllO R iY Hf S' LVUVhAl mtESTmm RINT5 Certified Public Accountant! 0TBM1?5ftKr5 ' .fe taxes and financial BLANPMt (435)678-3- 3 'btkiiijALiliwf SttMttUJUf UnSfftmt F I PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING SERVICES FOR ALL YOUR FARM EQUIPMENT NEEDS Mrfv 43&mb484 QpittVtU V HmJjtJt x Sc HARE R 6 Months 6.000 IHm on Approved Ssfvicss Coven Parts and labor HOT TUBS CHEMICALS GAZEBOS ACCESSORIES Customer Hodno Darryti & Lynne Darlington PO Drawer H 12978 Hwy 666 Cortez 970-560-26- or 76 S. 970-882-54- Repair E Service MontteeHo 12 396 S 1st Veach Cortez (enterprise. 435-587-23- 64 sjndancespasiCotTi , SPACt Devons 42 http:www.dand 970-565-08- 14 Private and confidential provider for most insurance plans Anywhere ki tha U.SJU ggsa-a-arajyji'flrA- JOHN DEERE HESSTON RHINO KUHN BRILUON S&c( Utah Licensed Individual, marriage & family counseling Our Service Work Is Covered by the NAPA AutoCare -Peaca of J D&L Enterorise MFE West. 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