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Show Marchs Feature EAUm Ilf's of the Month 10 Off MARCH ONLY a crock of gold Special Orders Available v by Chris Westcott Luck of the Irish? Since when? Even their patron saint, Patrick, wasn't lucky. Or even Irish for that matter. A Welshman, Patrick was captured and enslaved by the Irish. How lucky was that? Okay, so St. Patrick later drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Big deal. If the Irish were truly lucky, St. Patrick wouldve driven out the British! Consider leprechauns: If theyre lucky, rich guardians of golden treasure, why do so many of them have jobs getting stuffed into boxes of Lucky Charms cereal? Lucky leprechauns would have invested wisely in the stock market. Theyd own stock in cereal companies, not be the surprise in the box! For years my kid's waited for some hairy little dwarf to pop out of his cereal box and shower him with marshmallow upink hearts, blue moons and green clovers. No matter how hard I try to explain it to him, he just doesn't get it that anything Small and hairy in a box of cereal is not a good thing. I hate shattering his hopes about leprechauns, especially after the heartbreaking scene last Christmas when he found out about Santa Claus. I just figured any kid old enough to register with the Selective Service w'ould realize a fat man, in disguise, entering your house in the middle of the night on Christmas wasnt there to leave gifts. Anyway, everything associated with St. Patrick's Day is green, including bruises. When I was in school, you had to wear green to school on St. Patricks Day, also known as Pinch Day. Wearing green wasnt just a quaint holiday tradition, it was against puerile there was always Without fail, pinchers. d moron who one completely green-daconveniently missed seeing the green paper shamrock my mom pinned on my collar as pinch repellent. As soon as I turned my back on the little troglodyte, hed inflict a wicked pinch and crow, Youre not wearing green! Always a good sport, I returned the combo and, favor with a pinch-twiself-defen- se st Hey, stupid, wait a few days and this will turn green! Bruising aside, the St. Patricks Day green theme extends even to food. March being smack dab in the middle of Lent, meatless Fridays turned me green. Fish usually comes out of an ocean, lake or stream. In New Mexico, years ago, fish came out of a can in a lot of little smelly pieces. Our choices included tuna and salmon (both described as flaked to make you feel better about picking through looking for bones), and the more cosmopolitan sardines in tomato sauce. (It would still be years before some gifted genius gave the world fish sticks.) One of my moms Friday night specials was especially effective at turning me green: salmon patties and creamed carrots. Rebelling one Friday night, both behaviorally and gastrointestinally, I refused ro eat the stinky lumps lurking in glutinous gravy. Mom invoked her standard admonition, Christine, there are starving children in China who would appreciate this food. Yeah, right, like things werent bad enough for them already! Nauseous and reckless, I blurted out my now infamous response, Well, then. Lets just box it up and send it to them. If things had been green before, they quickly faded to black. My dad, after enduring just two fish Fridays, started fasting Friday nights. Tricky devil, my dad. He not only escaped those fragrant fish fragments, he came across as pious too! But by the end of Lent, dad wouldve been willing to offer up his liver Friday night if mom would have just fried it up with some bacon and onions. So, on St. Patricks Day, if someone dressed all in green (and it isnt the Jolly Green Giant) wishes you the Luck o the Irish, run like hell. Its probably that maniac from school, demented by the prospect of endless fish fragment Fridays, out on a twist-pinc- h rampage. D u' V I I I 6786 Hwy 160 South, Cortez c 970-564-09- Mon-S- at or 35 800-683-09- 35 Sun. by appt. 10-- 5 - Dont settle for a broker. Trade up to a partner. At Piper Jaffray, weve never lost sight of the fact that you are more than an account number. Thats why our Investment Executives take time to your - your feelings about risk and return, investment objectives, and more. Once we learn about you long-ter- m understand your needs and expectations, the real partnership begins. Together, well plan a program that can help you reach your investment goals. For common sense investment strategics that meet your needs, call today. A Rewarding Relationship Qbancorp Piper Jaffray. Chris Westcott, free-lanwriter and.mul-tipl-e liies in Durango cut survivor, paper with her understanding Imsband and son. ce Robert O. Hill Rodney R. Swearingen John :. Ogier jKJDOffilBiW (StrDPDSQEaJDOSB Due to a brief bout of dyslexia, the phone numbers of the Christmas House Bed and Breakfast in Ouray were inadvertently transposed. The correct numbers are: (970) 1 1199 Main Avenue , Suite 201 , Durango , CO 81301 970 Not 1 385-694- 9 FDIC 800 856-694- 9 Insured No bank guarantee May lose value 325-499- 2 -8- 88-325-XMAS Seal lilies products ami are ottered ihnntvh Itpcr Jajia member sire and lae.. a subsidiary of I '.S. Ihuii mp sen-ice- hie., 7Wi-l7J- Cross Currents apologizes for any crossed wires this may have caused. March 3, 2000 - Cross Currents 5 |