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Show hot whanaon except A DATING PRIMER By Caroline Arlen movie Batman, the evil Joker poisons (ioth..m Citys cosmetic With each newscast about the rising death toll due to poisoned -thair spray, mascara and what-nhe anchor man and woman appear increasEventually, ingly less and less nude-uthey deliver the news as regular homely people, replete with dull skin, pimples, straggly hair, sagging eyes and blotchy foreheads. The audience laughs. Isn't it strange we laugh not Inca use the newscasters were once so falsified? Rather, we laugh at the sight of them so plainly revealed. In an age when we say we want to know the true you and complain about masks, it seems odd w'c would find such an encounter with reality so hysterical. It makes a person wonder: What b the appropriate" one between being tor. take and too revealed? A similar dilemma holds true in the arena of emotional and psychological cosmetics, particularly on first dates. In our I society, people think they have the right to ask personal and provoking questions of their dates, even if theyre virtual strangers. Put such an epidemic would be moot if the populous did not feel an obligation, and sometimes a desire, to answer these questions with not only honest, but overly honest responses. One elicit of our society's rampant -babble mentality is that people often turn innncuoU) questions like, What are you thinking? into either a venue for unburdening themselves or a directive to unveil themselves. And there is nothing more inappropriate than the manifestation of this condition on the dating scene. One of the most dangerous questions a person can ask on a first date is, What are you thinking? Today's society decrees: Be honest, tell all, and don't hide your true Tf. However, if you are the recipient of the question, various options exist. Total honesty is often a big mistake because vh.it youre thinking should rarely be spoken. An edited or cosmetically-altere- d version is often a sound alternative. i he In - ot p. reiid-influenc- ed psycho- lor example, let's say youre a mar on a date you just noticed a babe at the bat. Your date whom you like, says, Whats on your mine!.' Well, the honest answer would .iih! be, Im thinking altout that other gal's boobs.' Blit inayle your date doesnt need to hear rhat. Instead, you could relate what you were thinking 10 minutes ago and say something like, Im sorry, was just rhink- 1 14 Cross Currents - February 4, 2000 ing about how Jacksonville's tight defense is an integral, organic part of human life. Take cooking for instance the interplay of going to contain the Ram's offense." ingredients and how we present them. No points made with her. Rut no points Rather than serving up a trough of mush which the food will become in ones stomlost. Or, lets say you're a woman and your ach, we cut and finesse and control the disdate asks if you are enjoying your meal. play. Is this being fake? You might think your date has a right to Your immediate thought is: The food is his and know a terrible truth about yourself. And hut new girlmy great, friend, who's 20 years younger than me, yes, eventually, they probably do. Bur most just sat down at the next table and he's likely they have a terrible truth too. And stroking her leg and he never stroked mv there's no sense in spoiling the very real beauty that is so often the beginning of Well, thar might be just a little bit too love, that has nothing to do with the skelemuch information for your poor, unsustons in your closet, or the big boiler of a pecting date. A simple response like, The pimple you covered with make-uAs for the third date: that is when you food is great, would be enough this early You tell him or her that in addition to being in the game. could even mention the but tin- leg thing w'ould be rich, handsome and kind, you habitually sleep hanging upside down from a rafter, erring to much on the side of spewing. level armored tights and are Batman. with the of weaf honesty Deciding which you answer probing questions can also depend on what youve determined to be the interviewers level of genuine interCaroline Arlen is a freelance writer living est. Some questions come from a place of in Durango who Isas personal experiene with sincere curiosity. Just as many come from a committing all of the aboi simple desire to prove to you and to them- mistakes. selves they are interested in other peoples play-acti- on you steer dear of revealing too much too soon, here are some subjects to avoid on a first date: e Any information about To help - I" 12-ste- e p r lives. Then there arc the questions posed with the singular hope thar you will ping-pon- g it back to them. In other words, when your date says, Tell me all about yourself," you could do precisely that: Well, I was born on a snowy day in February, and on and on. Or, you could cut to the chase and say, Oh, but 1 want to know all about you. Most questions, however, seem to be just crude attempts to fill time and space. So when your date asks personal why you got questions divorced, or why you dont have children, or how you got that scar on ycur forehead - (thats actually a big pimple) -- they don't necessarily want, expect or need to hear the whole truth and nothing hut the truth. In fact, many wouldnt even notice if you responded by making a swift turn down another street with a comment like: Speaking of which, did you read the Enquirer today? My goodness! And off you go on a much more comfortable topic: sexual encounters with space aliens. We all say were tired of games, of cosmetics in all forms: physical, emotional and psychological. But games and cosmetics are about crimes you've committed, e Quotes from your shrink, e Flow many you've 'had.' e The wildest place you 'did it.' e Your desire or lack of desire to marry and have - children, e Sexual transgressions during your college year abroad, p. - programs, Funny stories e Your pimple; your date's pimple; pimples in general. A comparison of most embarrassing moments. -- 'Sleeping arrangements with your pets. Any personal quality you consider so incredibly wonderful you can't help but go on about it for hours without interruption. Any topic that will likely result in unstoppable fits of screaming, tears andor flailing. How much you do or don't want to see your date naked. Qualities you least like about yourself. Details about problems you're having with gingivitis, athlete's foot or bowel movements. Anything prefaced with, Tm probably going to regret saying this.' |