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Show out the Aawrleaa FIm exes, marriage will ensue.' Good fire. THE CURRENT HUMOR AmericanTbeYouth A STRANGE PADDLER. PAT puts I have come, ah gracious, child, if you go pairing off Trained to Kitlagalah Small Hlaias Ha to my marriage consent to your friends like that you will find beg your na- - lly Ilia Owner's lluiuak BITS OF WIT ANH GOOD NA- - with your daughter. yourself in the wrong box one of teva AN OCKLAWAHA RIVER STEAM S ith Side young lady has a dog A American Father Haa she accepted days." TURED SATIRE. ER A QUEER CRAFT. a buf terrier whuse intelligence Xow Ted is one of those foolish , you? ! entitle him to honorable mention. Yea people who are pleased to laugh at Some af Iks Beaatlss of ths Little Florida This dog's name is Iat lie waa A St. I'atrlrhs Day Malady A one's little attempts at science, and so she promised to elopa with yon lias Klvsr Tkat Steals Along I'ader Danas originally christone 1 Patrick liffar af Assistance Indignantly if I refused my consent?" forth; at leaii he does at mine, se I Ovsrksaclng Hosgks of IalBMtto, Declined by I'nele Fetor Native O'Leary Kilduff, in honor of never take into consideration anyYea" kwamg Oak, and Cypress. notable line of 'terrier" from Bless you, my children." Nsw Sharp Palau, YOU believe In thing he says on the subject. 1 said he which descended, but around tha York Weekly. nothing to add fuel to his indignation pel mi try?" is The state of Florida produces some house he known simply as I'at Bo many people and disgust, but captured the book I Ktadly Directions. Now Pathos recently distinguished have naked me and took it up to bedwith Msa'i Heavy llnrdsn. ut nothing in its me to study ?uefr Hold up yr hands! in Footpad a himself that him I a way that question, snd at my leisure-leav- ing He von Science If I am able to Mra la not border' the gives alligator, him to put the Lone Citizen I haven't a cent with to wear the badge of the ChicaI never can make others more an and the right than queerer around, I should think carry bahy ungainly sway, me. Just loaned all I had to a friend. up my mind how When go fire department His story, aa to he. Now 1 most firmly made up my mind Ocklawaha river steamer. ought you Go ahead. to answer it I Footpud (in disgust) one first boards the little craft with his owner gives It to the Chicago Prof. De Science Yon forget, my have frone in for and stuck to it too, in spite of Ted, or its odd succession of Times, is this: Among the accom- Youll find the idiot asylum three dear, that an average man haa to carry decks coop-lik-o other the science in a any stupid person that ths enin which iat has been squares to th left. an atmospheric pressure of fifteen small way for gagement between Langton and Eva the thing seems lUe a toy, and why plishments as a drilled, doesn't turn over It part ot the liberal educan't tout, while women, being smaller, do Tha rarrlwr-- a Sauls you some time, would come to nothing, and 1 thought cation to which every Old Lady Your paper hasnt been not bars to carry over ten or twelve though I never over it ao much it became a conviction. imagine. They say down there that a dew would float It, and probably dog is entitled, is that of extinguish- delivered at my house for three daya tone really studied it to any great extent Ted always says that it was fortun- heavy lira He was first taught to put and 1 certainly find it wonderfully in- ate that we left for Scotland just then, it would. The narrow little tub suits ing havent reeelved Tha Drean-Kys- d Moastaa out the flames of a burning match it?Editor snWhat? You1 see so its well, that however, purpose it all! borne it's or he would have always declared outrage! teresting. Wife (with a determined air) X aw his on clapping and crew by of are rather it proud one has been stealing it! I cannot bring myself to believe that the events which followed were captain want to see that letter. Then a of paper would be igOld Lady Oh, no. it's the fault of that the extraordinarily good shots due to my interference. As it is, I its looks, and will brag that there is nited and bit Husband What letter? thrown his at and tha feet, like in If the it nothing you worth the country. make isn't when carrier, it stealing, people telling the charac- feel quite innocent, as I only heard let them They will be That one you just opened. 1 know of the paper was gradually insize to glad brag creased until he was ter of their subjects are all chance, the story in fragments from the long you know. New York Weekly. the handwriting that it ia from a able to by a are. But had atop capns always they neither can I see any greater improba- letters we used to receive from friends much and you turned pale when woman, had a that conflagration better envelujied The Dangaroaa brag about the beauty bility in the character leaving an im- at home. read it. 1 will see it! Give it to whole newspaper. It didn't matter you of the solitudes tropical through We gathered a good deal from Langpression on the hand; but I must adme. sir!" how dry the newspaper waa it could they sail. mit that until the events which I am stons own letters to us both. At first which 'Hera it ia it's your milliner's not bum fast enough to discourage The Ocklabranch little of the about to relate took place I did not these letters were full of Eva. Eva bilL" New York Weekly. Pat aa known Silve? waha, Springs put any faith in prognostications of does this and Eva thinks that, which extends about ten miles But dogs, like people may be clever in an the fnture. He Help (or It. and so on, until we sick and tired easterly direction before mooting the without being useful, Pat seemed I had asked a few people la after of Eva. By degrees got Mr. Sinks I dont like the looks of we noticed that river proper, affords realize to this and to chafe under the perhaps dinner one night, for some music, con- Eva was less frequently quoted snd moat that young man who calls to see Clare that gave him no opporinteresting features of the en- conditions versation and such like, and was Langton mentioned in one letter that Mra Binlu lie looks exactly as yon a Philadelphia Times tunity to earn his salary. But at tire says trip, rather taken aback when that foolish he had been at the Newton's several writer. did when yon first eame to see ina source of these length the opportunity came. One the At "Was 1 any such dude as that?" little Eva Barrington, whom I had times snd that they had an awfully springs the peculiar formation of day the family went away from homo asked with her fiance, suddenly said: nice girl staying with them who sang rock, "Yea you were, and yet I married shell and sand at the bottom and left the house in iat's charge, Oh, Mrs. Gordon, do please tell me divinely, etc. etc. No name waa men- makes the water as clear as a mirwhile a carentcr was making some you, in spite of all my parents could say; and I am afraid that, in spite of my fortune by my hand; I hear you tioned but of course I stuck to it that ror, and every object, animate and repairs in an upper chamber. When are so clever at that sort of thing! all we can say, our Clara will now ha it was Vera Gray. inanimate, from the surface to the the carpenter had completed his I should like to find out how she Ted said: Nonsense, the Newtons lowest just aa big a fool as I was." Nsw a distance in some work ho departed, leaving Pat alone York Weekly. knew 1 went in fur palmistry. I am know dozens of girls. Why should it places ofdepths over eighty feet ia plainly in the house. The remainder of the sure I never told her. be she? From the silver floor story la based on circumstantial evidiscernible. But it was Vera, as we heard after- below the water bubbles up with such dence, but it is not the leas trustHowever, of course, I could only Wesson If Sympathy. aay I should be very much pleased to ward. force in places as to make a moat ap- worthy for that The carpenter, who Lady You look ilL tell.her what I knew, and proceeded Meanwhile we had letters now and preciable current Here and there was an inveterate smoker, undoubtI have been sick, but am Shop-gir-l to poke and prod her hand about, then from Eva herself, which were the banks of the narrow stream are edly dropped a burning match or better now. The doctor said it was bending back her fingers and thumbs always full of the preparations fa the hidden from view by clumps of water spark from his pipe at he waa about The Hoy Whatll yer gib me, Uncle nervous prostration, from trying so aa far as 1 could (1 only hope I hurt weddingi the trousseau, presents, and cress and wild flowers, but in the ab- to leave, and the pine shavings .on Peter, ter hold hard to smile snd look pleasant when yer lines fer yer? her!) and all the other rites and cere- so on, with very little mention of sence of this verdure one can see the the floor were soon in a blaze, with Unde Peter I'll gib yer er whack in I did not feel like it. monies that the professional palmist Langton. We also saw an announce- abrupt shelving sides inlaid as the prospect that the house would der jaw. Yer rapscallion, y o t'ink 1 can sympathize with yon. 1 know ment in the paper that the marriage though by the work of human hands soon be in ashes. But Pat stood on I'se gwine ter trust er fiery animal all about it indulges in. I never saw such a hand as hers was to take place early in the next with the most exquisite shells and the burning deck, wheuoe all but he like dia yere Iiom wid yo'? Puck. Have you ever worked in a store?" was. There were scarcely any lines month. When Ted saw it he said: s tones The suns rays reflected had fled," and, taking the situation Worse. I've moved in society." on it and it was hard and cold to a Had Studied Doll Aauloasy-Littlfrom these mosaics of nature suffuse in with a quick mental grasp that Now I hope you are convinced. Ethel (after the party) I don't Tha Art of Advartlalag. Oh, no, said L 'There's many a tha clear waters with every prismatic would have been a credit to Fire degree; I could only tell her that she was phlegmatic and rather un- siiptwixt cup and lip, and they're hue and leave a picture on the mem- Marshal Swenio, ha pounced upon feel well a bit. Museum Agent Whst's wrong with the flames and soon had them under Mamma What ails you, dear? ory that is not easily effaced. our new midget? He doesn't seem to sympathetic, and her horribly turned not married yet Between Silver Springs and the control, though not until he had in thumbs showed that she was also We did not hear from Langton for Little Ethd The big weight that draw. selfish. She had an excellent pro- some little time after that, and it waa point where the Ocklawaha empties been frightfully singed and bad sus- makes my eyea ojien an' shut I Manager Of course not See what tumbled down on'to my luinick. fessional line, and ought to have gone only a week or twj before the day into the broad waters of the St tained one or two painful burns. a mesa you've made of the advertiseWhen the the family returned in for art or science instead of settling fixed for the wedding that we had a Johns the it re sms makes over 960 ments. You've put his height at three Mha Knew Him. down into unroraantic married life. inches and short note of thanks for our present turns some so abrupt that the stern evidence of Pat's bravo struggle to feet Make it thirty-si- x of the little steamer will strike save the house was too plain to be Mother (looking over the paper) 1 told her various other things, but (which Ted would send, though I dewill come with a rush ths people The man who keeps the candy store in I am afraid she was not too well plei clared it would not be wanted), and against the yielding, spongy trunks mistaken. the next block haa committed aniddeL Head tha Newspapers- ed with the character I gave her, but the information that the happy (?) of the palmetto trees along the bank, 1'roof Positive. Little Daughter (thoughtfully) Did Wise Father My son, if you would n begged me to try her fiance. Langton pair were going to the South of France while the bow is in A member of a in club From the upper dock one could easGore had always been after my own for their honeymoon. lout his umbrella in the club, he furget and give some one two sticks succeed in life, you must form two Ted my ideal of a man. lie was at The wedding day passed over we ily imagine that the boat was plow- and was resolved to draw attention of candy for a penny? good habits, First you must always I could not go home for the event and ing its way through a forest, for in to the circumstance He caused tha attend strictly to your business; and that time about Nothing to llladar. should think, but being a grave, quiet Ted made me furious by drinking the some places the trees, oranching following notice to be put up in the second, you must subscribe for a newsDora I'll tell you what let's da man, seemed older. I never could health of the bride and bridegroom at from either bank, overlap and form entrance hall: 'lhe nobleman who paper and read it every day. some bower. Let's theatricals. a veritable Where the took private get up bon Why should I take a newsdinner. Yon see even then I did on own an umbrella not hia away Clara I can't act. not give in, but said that till stream runs comparatively straight such a data la requested to return paper? Dora Neither can L fifty yards these trees It." The committee took Wise Father Because if you are not I saw the announcement in the paper for forty aor beautiful umbrage picture. The at this statement, and summoned known as a newsmpor reader, you will I should not believe the wedding had present of branches the palmetto the member who had green A Javaalla Shampoo. be constantly called away from yout come off. composed it I hem. Mra Do Neat business to serve on juries. heard I Bister Little Ted flew at the Times every morning mingle witn the swamp oak and before said, sir," Why, they are Invariably decked "shouU you suppose thatthey after for a week, hoping to convince with say that tar soap waa good for cleana no) waving lines of silver man had 'taken me. We also investigated the Morn- mosa long, Fatsat Strains. your umbrella? ing the hair. I wish I had soma From the deep and seemingLittle Brother Don't think wi ing Post, Standard and every other ly uninhabitable solitudes the boat Weil, he replied, the first article paper we could get hold of, but no will make one of its sudden turns in the club rules says that 'This club got any; but I'll go to the street pavers bo compoaod of noblemen and and get you some tar, and yon can put notice was forthcoming. and disclose to the astonished view shall who soap on afterward. and since the At the end of the week I received a a little gentlemen,' orange grove in all its beauty stole my umbrella could person have not letter from a dear old maiden lady at of green leaves and golden fruit been a Aa Omitted Detail. home, from which the following is an Here, gentleman, he must have been while the steamer is taking on a nobleman. Argonaut. Mother Dinner ia over, and extract: of its the cargo oranges, passenger Of course you have heard of the dessert is all gone. Didn't I tell lall,,. has the opportunity of roaming at MeteorolfliKlrhi limits to be in at 0 o'clock? scandalous behavior of the bride that will through the grove, and, if the Do you have much Indian sumwas to have been Eva Barrington. owner shares the usual Southern Boy (with sn injured air) Yon in Colorado? didn't tell ine that dinner would be Fancy her running away on the very generosity, or is not on the premises, mer Yea, we have a great deal more ready at 0, morning of the wedding day, and with the additional opportunity of eating g one of those officers, too. the luscious fruit (resh from the tree. Indian summer than you do here in Ha Was Walooma. East." Shocking, indeed! I can't say Mr. Once more the little craft resumes the I wonder ao?" I am collecting bills for ia Collector that why to much Gore seems to take his loss its tortuous journey, and as the day Because we have more Indiana, I Sugar, Spioe & t'a "WELL or ALL THE HOT I HATH HEATH.' heart. He started for Normandy yes- wanes and twilight creeping up reckon." Housekeeper (a Vaasar graduate) make out how ha, with all his clever- terday, seemingly in the highest easts the shadows of the many trees hills, are you? Very well; Collecting across the water the scene assumes ness, unselfishness and delightfulness spirits. JESTS AND JOKELETS. I have two or three of their bills wliieb Ted's feelings and my tri- a new and weird aspect In tha gray have ever could Imagine proposed altogether, are welcome to add to your colThe Impecunious It is just as easy yon to such an utterly inane specimen aa umph! I gloated over that letter, light of the early evening the overIrof. Fongs (disgustedly) Ray, New York Weekly. lection. with: concluded the love way, which, by if yer dont take Kt Patricks that Eva. hanging branches, with their long to love a girl with money as to Crawley, Mrs. Newton has adopted a charming lines of waving moss, seem to move one without it The Heiress But it How is it that all the nicest men one Day outer yer pianist's reppertory I'll Waa tad a Cliaaga. knows throw themselves away on girla niece, a Miss Gray. They are all in to and fro like so many grotesque isn't so easy to get her. trow up me job Every time de snakes WlffcTS Ilow de do? Sinks What a magnificent library who are not half good enough for Paris at present figures and even beckon the boat on. hears dat I can't coax er dreg em There, I cried, having read this Then, as the shadows lengthen and yon have! Winks Yes. When I Biffers Congratulate me, old boy! outer de box. Puck. them? But I suppose as long as they alive! man Pm Ive tbe happiest got the night comes on. the pine fagots think of the pile of money Ive sunk out now perhaps yon will apologize. don't know it, it's ail right. Oh, well, yon know I always said in the little chimney over the pilot in that collection of books it makes me a wife who can run a whole house I read Langton'a hand, and I think Tart of Haasty. without the least bit of help I marnot a bit suited to each house are lit and send a broad glare feel quite intellectual. Mrs. Upton Seeing my daughter I may aay that 1 did not make it out a they were ried a servant satisfacgirL and that was all the of light over the water and through I never noticed that she Little Girl I wish I was a princess. bit better than it really was, though other, ever Wiffers (a month later) Hello, every day, the surrounding woods. So strange Don't you wish you was a prince? got out of Ted. this was he and the others all said I flattered tion I particularly whst's the matter? Trouble with your afternoon I discovered that thebut A few years after we went to pay a and novel are the scenes presented Little is him. Eva waaiquite jealous, though Boy No, I don't Why not?" wife? Mrs. Mr. and vlBit to conditions at night that '"Cause a prince has to wear bis SunLangton under these long beautiful. she ought to have been pleased. she has Biffers (dolefully) Mr. Upton Eh? This afternoon? The next person to come under in- Gore. Vera Gore is even nicer than one is tempted to stay on deck until day clothes every day. notice. me Vera Gray had been, and I always a late hour. Even when sleep does Mra. Upton Yea. We entered a She Do yon really and truly love given spection was a girl I did not know at to do assert its sway in the little 6x10 He street car and two young gentlemen Love I alL Mrs. Newton bad brought her, maintain that I had something me. Harry? Why, you? Native Advantages. emimost stateroom the brushing of the have a fondness for that nuisance and all that I could tellabout her waa with bringing about that gave us their seats. crunches of the trees against the evena of yours. She Oil, brother of that she waa very charming. Yet, nently satisfactory match. Winters windows,' or the bumping from stem now I come to think of it, I don't be- Magazine. Why Hhs Slept. to stern as the boat la chocked in its Hurry! You have made me so happy! lieve she waa a bit pretty, only one Mamma Now You said that at Mrs. when Freddie, A Mbs af XeaL yon Housekeeper apparent deaira to take a shorter cut couldn't help falling in love with her Work hards you always got up in the weather is so bad. Brother overland, are not infrequent moans come to the table I want you to act The at once. morning without calling. Gibbons," said one of the pillars of of keeping one aroused. Gradually, like a little man. Freddie Ah, what 1 told her character, and just ms I New Girl we can't expect an the stream widens, howover; these is the use of acting like a little man that the church, had finished I noticed a most peculiar audience this evening. You have nut done that here." when you get served like a little hoy? loTt behind small inconvenience are seldom sees, No'm. You see. at Mrs. Work-liurd- 's line, one which one very Mamma, dear, said Janet, at what reformed prize and daylight finds the odd little Gibbons, Evangelist the smell of the cookin' always At 8 very clearly and distinctly marked; and fighter, rose to his feet and looked craft puffing along through the wide time in the day was I born? then I remembered having seen the over his small but faithful congrega- waters of the St Johns waked me." And what o'clock in the morning. game mark in one of the other hands tion. Not time was I born?" asked Jack. I had been doing. No Waste. until 8 o'clock." Ah, cried Janet, I'm not in business for the gate I'ndemlood Oao Kind. Ho I turned to Langton and said: "Just money these days, brethren. " he Ree here, Jock! You and I my birthdays longer than yours. was Tom before Black court the George let me look at your hand again. And said, taking his place in the pulpit in the capacity of a witness in a Well," said Jack, what's the use of married about the same time and on I looked carefully, and there, sure There' nearly a dozen of us here chicken-stealin- g born before it's time to get up? similar incomes, bat you are saving being and the case, judge e line, only and we'll enough, was the off the sermon anyI think yon might hia mind. some doubts had Preceptress money, while I am in debt. How is it? in pull the hand how." hardly so distinct as that onname Do you know the nature of an well take your daughter out of our Jack Your wife is economically inwaa her of the girl Vera Gray Mrs. Malap. Hardly isn't she? asked. oath?" he seminary, clined, day Hosbaad. when A Disappointed I said nothing at the time, but she doesn't make a faux that Yea" boss?" What's Tom, passes dat, inquired allour friends had gone 1 scandalized Sympathetic Friend I hear that The telegraph linemen have it much Mine isn't When she wants a cske, forward to catch the words pas that is the talk of the whole Ted by flying downstairs to the library your partner has skipped with $20.-00- 0 bending she buys it of a baker." Do you know the nature of an school. Mra. Malap' Well, mebbe, if easier in Africa tliun they do in civilseveral of your money. and coming back armed with shes got as far advanced along as ised portions of the globe. Judge. oath?" Business Man Yea; but that's not face makin' one a day, she prob'ly don't primers and other works on palmistry. hia Oh!'' he exclaimed, lrL A Prsrllrsl My good girl. said my husband, all the ungrateful scoundrel did. 'Deed I does, boss; need to stay in school any longer.' Heart aad Fair Lady. Falat Miss Pruens Edith, Mr. brightening. Delioarder 11 do? he did else 13 hat o'clock, Friend are you aware that it is When a Williamsburg papa went I been drivin mules for gwine He Are you good at conundrum? I have long loved you. sud now cau He neglected to aint nine Business Man and that the servants arc waiting to from the city a few evenings onter home years?" bhe Ye. conceal my imssion no longer. Will and ha with wife him, along take my out the lights?" pnt daugh-- J ' He Well, here is one: If I were you 1st my wife? sgo he found his I can't help it," I cried in high ex- has been flirting with her for the in a state of great excitement to propose to you, what would you Ha Had Not Hera to I'hlr-mgter Wait. Mr. Daughter I the ungrateful last six months, I can't go to bed until citement Site bstled about full of a valuable ay?" Di Hoarder, until I sneak to Teacher, in a physiology lesson hound. Texas Siftings have found out what this means. The next process in digestion la secret and eager to be questioned; for Ihi you fear she will refuse conAnd I proceeded to tell him what I had an important domestic cwnt hod ocA Llttla Too Fort Bills. called cbymification. this sent1." During Directions. t'saal Ths Ve searched noticed in the two hands. ia turned around and around curred in the house next door during Friend You have a portable heater It if n't thut. I wish to icru if you Old Maid la he hurt much, doctor? the food stomach. through the various book, and were the day. What is the matter, Bessie?" in this house. 1 presume? in the lore me" but Not much, truly pretty Doctor exclaimed: Ted when Oil, papa! she just giving up Mr. Suburb- - That's whnt it i. I supHut bow run she know'.'" Tommy Traddles Please, air, is asked the father. . shaken well up Well, of all the rot I have heard, what they call the danse du replied, you can't guess who was pose. It jumps about three indie cm tell in lew much Old Maid, eagerly Then he a that Just listen: When these lines are obUfa ventre? born I von in yoiii- Inkii.I id!!." it urc rake doctor' tim; very be, bo aint taken, served i any two bands of opposite ready to ant Mo-Phel- A4-aal- av tnin. - e mid-strea- well-know- . fast-lookin- . nice-lookin- g; a, Yi-s'- self-sam- X d - to-da- d - |
