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Show THE TIME OF THE WORLD JEROME AS A JOKER. Humorist Has Soma Amuaomont Hardware Shop. W. W. Jacobs, the writer of bnmor-fiu- s stories about sailors, described, la i recent letter to a friend in New York, a practical Joke that had beea clayed by his neighbor, Jerome K, Jerome. Mr. Jacobs said that Jerome once wanted a file. He entered a hardware shop end nodded politely to the youth behind the courier. Have you got, he said, the last edition of Tennysons poems?" No. sir, said the clerk. This is hardware shop." Hey? This la a hardware shop. Oh, said Mr. Jerome, 1 dont care about the binding. Cloth will do as well as anything else." But we don't sell hooka here, the cicrk shouted. hardware This Is shop." Oh, wrap It np In anything." The clerk, with an oath, came all the way round the counter and pnt hia lips to Mr. Jerome's ear. Hardware shop. No books here. Hardware," he shrieked. Thank you. I'll wait." aald the other. This waa too much for the clerk. He disappeared In an Inner room and in a moment returned with the proprietor. The proprietor approached Mr. Jer' ome sternly. Well, what do you want, anyway? he said. A small filo," waa the quiet answer. . Speak to Your Equals. It the In tores t In the prog-ro- for ct.mpiitatiou of time In the variof the Russlan-Japaueswar and ous cities of the woi Id. Thus bciueeu San Francisco and yet so universal is the eonfuslen over the difference in the time between London there is eight hours difference, cities in the Trued States and the while betw.en San Francisco and Port scene of the conflict In the Oriont that Arthur there is sixteen hours differ-eucIn other words, when ii. Is noon few can tell at precisely what hour of the day or night, or even the day on Sunday in San Francisco it is 8 of the week, important battles have oclock on Sunday night In London been fought or are taking place. The and 4 oclock Monday morning In Port schedule of docks printed above, fur- Arthur. nishes an excellent and accurate basis Similarly the above tabic shows the So deep In 6 n e. NO NEED FOR NICE POINT OF ETIQUETTE. DOCTORS. commanding Officer Proved He Could Handle the Situation. MaJ. James E. Macklin, who is in charge cf the local United Slates recruiting station, la not a firm believer in doctors. He haa an idea that he knows what he needs better than a physician, so he usually dooa his own doctoring. A few years ago the major waa stationed with hla regiment In Arlxona, and ordered to take a large detachment of men op a maroh. The evening hi fore he left cn his long march the ciVonel of the regiment came to him in pin apologetic way and remarked : I'm sorry, Macklin, but I haven't gut a doctor to send with you. Ob, don't let that bother you. colonel. remarked the Tm really giad major cheerfully. you havent got one to spare. Hed be in the way. Give me an ambulance and that's all I'll ask." The ambulance was ready next morning when the troops left. We'd only been out an hour, said Macklin, In telling the story, when a young soldier came to me with the complaint that he had some stomach trouble. I chucked him In the ambulance, prescribed a remedy of my own and told him to stay there the remainder of the day. That night ho was well. I had very little sickness on that trip, and what I did have I handled without the need of a doctor. Indianapolis Journal. 200-mi- le Behavior of Diplomats Tersely Put. The meetings of Count Cassini, the Russian ambassador, and Mr. Taka-hlrthe minister from Japan, at the State Department, and their endeavors to be polite to eacli other reminded an official who waa at a foreign court during the war with Spain of his similar experience. He said: At the outbreak of the war 1 directed a note to Spains representative suggesting that we decide what we should' do when forced to meet each other. As meetings would be Inevitable I urged him to advise me immediately what form of greeting he desired to have pass between us, if we were lo greet each other at all. The distinguished representative of Spain thought the question one of great moment, and referred it to the dean of the diplomatic corps. In a few days I received a note from the distinguished representative makiug an appointment lo meet me. He waa very proud of ills English, and always insisted on addressing me In my own longue. After making many profound bows and wishing me well he make known his wish as follows : I haf aeon dean. Dean, he say we bow ourselves when we meet, but not speak ourselves. Question a, The career of Sir Edwin Arnold, who died in Ijondon last week, was one of peculiar Interest, from the days of hla prosperity to those of his aflllc-tloo difference In time between San Since the author began to fall and oil the principal cities ii the In health hla devoted attendant has world from which news of the war been the charming Japanc.d woman in China Is being ur may be rect red. Imd-ulTherefore, by cutting out this s of rluck dials and pasting Sir Edwin Arnold, one of the oldest up for ready reference you may a rur- - of Englands literary and journalistic ately compute the difference In tame .knights, la dead of old age, after suf- at any hour of the day or nigh be- ferlng for years from partial paralytween San Francisco and any o the sis. Aa poet. Orientalist, and newscities named above or other point ad- paper writer be bad been easily in jacent thereto. the fore front of literary circlet for a full quarter of a century. Hit work was almost as widely known In Amer- GEN. GORDON AT HOME.! tea as In England, and hla fame had spread to the four corners of the Southern Chieftain Retained world. Even within the last month Customs. article! from hla pen on Japan and Gen. Gordon retained many antethe crisis In the far Eaat have been bellum customs on hia home puita In the American papera. published tion in Georgia. One of these wo the Sir Edwin nlwaya bad n aeft spot In sunrise review. Every moral at hla heart for the mystic Eaat, from sunrise, except in unpleasant w either which he got hla third wife, and which of the two winter months, GeniGor-domuch of hla better work. He had his old horse brought ty the Inspired waa an authority on every modern door for his morning ride. Hj Oriental nation, and was never tired of In the saddle as erectly aa In tl singing the praises of the hardy days. and especially hla Japanese Every hand in the field knew has whose gentle disposition wife, review, and before every gafcln to mold. English public little group of negroes the men auan done much to the active iup-- ; and smiling and ready to go to vork, opinion and bring It Mikado's of claims In the the port the women spruced up, and every lit tie child washed until It shone, with present war with Russia. Sir Edwin was born June 10, 1833. Its woolly hair done up In n dozen little knots. Educated at Oxford. Morning, ginlral," said all the men,1 Sir Edwin Arnold, best known to the aa they ducked their heads. as the author of The I.ight of Morning, bcaa, said all the women public and The Asia Light of the World, and every little pickaninny ducktd itq head to the ground and said Horn waa educated at University' College, lng. boas." aa well aa it could speik. Gen. Gordon always replied to every one by name, asked after the children, how they were growing and what their health was. Such was the sunrise review on the Gordon plantation. Kansas City tan-cisc- e Ante-Bellu- n Jap-anes- e, !ta Star. The Garden of Eden. in Mosfcow. According to the best authorities, The continued activity with which It was in Armenia that the "Garden tlie searching of refuse heaps in quest of Eden," spoken of In the book of Gen. Gordon Always Chivalrous. Most of the i Many stories are being told of the of treasure is being prosecuted makes Genesis, was planted. to remember that the evidence in support of this theory la late Gen. Gordon, most of them re- it inlen-stlnwere topographical. The Bible sayi that lating to his chivalry and gallantry sifters and sorters of t of the once wealthy and organised. A case the garden was watered by a river to women. A Kansas City Star writes that he will is (.ii record of one woman who in running through it which afterward never forget the general's reply at a eight years was able to build house divided into four hcadB. The names of reception in London once, when asked property out of the profits of her these are given as Pison. Gll.or, HidIt seems dekel and Euphrates. There Is little if he had time to be introduced to grubbing ami gleaning. Time to bo Introduced scarcely credible that Moscow is difficulty about the latter, and Hiddesome ladles. to the ladies?" came the gallant re- built upon London rubbish. Such, kel is cummoniy Identified "i:h the tort I would have time for that if however, is the case. An enormous Tigris, both of which rivers rise in the mountains of Armenia. The othI were on a cavalry charge." Another heap of refuse at the Cattle-bridgof what is now Caledonian road, ers are located by assuming tl.em to eud same told the by correspondent. Ftory, Quotes the general's comment iiik.ii which was the grand center of dust- be Aras and the Knr. streams which seeing the picture of Napoleon's Cor- men, scavengers, horse and dog deal- also rise In the Armenian Lins. In old documents Armenia is eften onation" at Versailles, where the em- ers. kuackerinan, brickmakers and peror takes tlio crown from the Pope other low hut necessary professional-Ist-s- . referred to as the "land of the four had lain In that position since rivers, or the cradle of the human after ho has blessed it, ami, first placrace. Though Armenia does not go ing it upon his own head, then places the great fire. After the destruction Jose- of Moscow upon the visit of quite back to the time of Adsm, the It upon Josephine's. Buying. the Russians, by some means, countrys history Is traced to Xs first phine, I crown thee also." Gen. GorThe greatest military ge- caine to hear of this dust heap. They ruler, Ifalg,' the great grandson of don said: nius of the world, but he threw away bought it, bricks, bones, rubbish and Japheth. the lore of a devoted woman, and all, shipped it off to Moscow, and his evil genius pursued him ever upon It founded the resurrected city Mean Insinuation. which travelers know St Senator McComaa tells a good story after. James Gazette. on himself. He says: . While professor In a law school In Cpposites. Looked Like It. Washington 1 had my class "I have carefully studied the matme one night, and in the course of my reA Southern Adonis, not particularter, and it seems to me that we are ly celebrated for his personal attrac- marks bad occasion to Illustrate the fitted for each other." Flic gazed up at him with her large, tions. on completing a somewhat proYoii no! tracted toi'et one morning, turned to dark eyes. ter servant his and of the smallm- -s of the inquired: example h'M.nln yourself,' she said. world I look. rp.enr?' do How tban to state he looking replied. this," my own experi"Singly was ence. Now, ail of you know that I Ticndiii, massa plendld! at the mat ter as wo should, in the come from a little town in Maryland strictly sc online sense of the word. Ebony's delightful answer. "Do you think I II do. Caesar? he where the peoplo are given 'ii'.her fu You nrc light. and 1 am dark. You arc short sail I am tall. Von arc asked, surveying himself in a glass, staying at lumie. and yet win u I was in Europe not long ago I wn. In Paris, sprightly, viviifieu. I am somewhat and giving Caesar a piece of silver. and here I saw a man from my own see look massa. m.ber In so we volt fact, mid "Guy! sober phlegmatic. then apa.n, when are opioito-- and opposites should fierce in all my life. Yon look Jls as town, John I was In Venice. I met John X hold as a linn! ; marry " "A lion? Why. what do you know then again in London, on the strand, Yes. she raid, "opposites except I ran across him. I came In, me, and in or.) reipecl. hut that is enough. I about a lion? You never saw one, while Caesar. visiting at Ycllowstoiw Park I i.antiot many you." Neber see a lion, massa! Guy! I met him again, and then aga'i In wh-i- t re. ct do you mean?" ho see Massa Peytc n's Jim ride one ober .I say, Professor, broke ;p one of asked, almost fiercely. the class, with a sly look In fils eyes, to de mill ebrry day." She snileu. wouldnt it have been cheaper in the 'Why, you fool, that's a donkey!" "You pro like me In this," she said "Can't help dat, massa, raid end to have paid John X and let1 I never could earn my awn living. him gof" Cassar. -- Life. London e to-da- nlablcitin'glve . X; -- that the notion of equality prevails. The London Figaro reports the following In- he married In the far east In 1897. Grieved and shorked by his marriage to the oriental woman his third matrimonial venture the family of Sir Edwin was won over to the little wife of the talented Englishman. Sho waa Mlsa Tama Kurokawa. i stance: Aa a magnificent steamer, the property of tho Peninsular A Oriental Company, was steaming Into Southampton harbor, a grimy floated Immediately In front of IL An officer on board the steamer, seeing , this, shouted: volumlnnui writer on the Clear out of the way with ths As press. long ago as 1889 ne said: barge! "The hardest work of my life has The lighterman, a native oLi been done on a daily newspaper, 1 Emerald Isle, shouted In reply, have written more than 8,000 edito- ye the captain of that vessel?! ' . rials. "No," answered the officer. The Light of Asia was begun in Then spake to yer equals," Mia the Im the captain o thin" September, 1878, and the finished epic lighterman. In eight books was pat in the hands 0f the printer, published aud on the Progress In Fifteen Yean. market by July 1879. It made a great Fifteen years ago there were perstir and ran through many editions. haps 100 electric ears in the whole they are in- all parU of , Sir. Edwin was knighted by Queen world. Victoria In 1888. lie was often lion the glolio. Even Seoul, the capital nf ored with titles. He was a fellow of Korea, has an electric railway, built Bombay university and of the Iloyal by an American. power Fifteen years ago a Asiatic society, officer of the AVblte was thought to be a Elephant of Siam, also of the Crown generator horse a 10,000 pudtf" of Siam and the Rising Sun of Japan ster, bnt today Is not big enough to attract second class of Imperial Medjidle, generator attention. third class Osmanieb, and commander any unusual Fifteen ago electricity was years of the Lion and Sun of Persia. thought to be almost as much of n Sir Edwin was three times married, fad a ,t WM business. It employed W erlnodEliza-- ; few men. In one plant alone, P th1-12.000 people employed, and 18G4. Hla second was Fannie Chan- three out of every four are skilled- cing of Boston, who died in 18w.- - In workmen. 1897 he married Tama Kurokawa f Sendai, Japan. She survives him. No Questions Asked. ' Old Brother Cooley is a colored A curious fact in regard to The Light of the World ia that it was en- philosopher, but he la superstitions In tirely dictated In a Japanese garden to the extreme. He tells this story: I race wuz in a house what wna a Jatauese secretary. In tho death of Sir Edwin Arnold haunted but I didn't know IL Dar a star of the first magnitude disap- wux a bright fire burnln In cfo room pears from the sky of literature, a 1 wux In, w'ea all cr a sudden de do writer of marked ability from the opened, en a man with Ills throat cut ranks of Journalism, a publicist of re- shuck hla head at me! Now, I knowed nown from the field of diplomacy, and right well It wux a hant, en de only a gcr tie and loving spirit from the hu- thing ter do wux tor ax him In de name er de Lawd, what does yon man brotnerkood. He was, first of all, of course, a want?And did you ask him?" poet, and wh.le some poems have to suh Bless God, 1 wns too No, acnievc greatness ills poetical productions had greatness thrust upon them. feared dat hed tell me I" fripite Homer nods and so does Sir Edwin, Constitution. V but he also scintillates, and those who Victoria's Queen Baby Days. have devotedly loliowed the trail of The toyx and playthings of Qu& his poetic genius Lave gathered perwhich in their intrinsic valui haps as many pearls of thuughl an Victoria, JuLave been sirewn by any other pout do not compare with the priceless will appeal to the sentibilee presorts, of his era, it will be a lung time before see them. They are The Light of Asia," Wila Uadi in ment of all who of the at the replica Orangery at Kenconare the Garden" ar.d Japonic a" of the Palace the birthplace sington signed to that limbo lo which the adQueen. race of has tho tr.ator a.isin vancing When a little child she spent many sei.tue::d all poetry. hours In the quaint old buildAs Sir Edwin was long a resident of happy mure than 200 years ago designed ing, Japan, and married a Japanese wife fur the famous Queen Anne. aud was perl eel Iy united in heart to Some of the dolls boar the marks, that laud and nation, it is a pathetic of the affection lavished upon them fealure of his death that he should The arm off by the little Princess. pass away just as Japan is about to one. the leg off another and the paint realize his fend aud insistent prophecy rubbed from their checks. tnal rhe would take rank with the most progressive, civilized and powerThis Congressman Blushed. ful nations on the globe. Representative Hedge of Iowa, yesterday seated himself in one of the Condemns Youthful Marriage. cIiHirkeepers chairs at an entranco to Judge William D. Dlckcy of the New the house, where visitors are always York supreme court took occasion the coming with Inquiries for members. other day severely to condemn clergy-me- n "Will you take a card In for me?" and justices who marry minora. asked a timid inquirer. While holding court In Middleton Cards cost ten cents each." answerJuLge Dickey granted an interlocutory ed Mr. Hedge, quite abashed, but, to decree anr.u.licg the marriage of a 10-- j the amazement of everybody around ear-oll;oy uu-- girl who bad eloped the timid inquirer began to dig in his a year ago aud were married by a Jus- Jeans, and produced a dime, which ha In the in.-- placed in the Iowans nand. tice in N:irrow.iiurg. dome his horn r said It was a shame Ti nt was morn of a Joke than Mr. that ministers; of the gospel aud Jus Hedge ccmld stand. Giving back the j Urn of the luce louid be purauided coin, he fled in confusion. Washing-tuto marry children for the take of a $3 Post. coal-light- . - To-da- y ' 200-hor- i To-da- 0 ' correr-iiomlon- n. la not in America alone Lady Arnold. Japanese Widow of Blr Edwin Arnold. Oxford, being a prizeman there in 1853. He became master of King Edward's school at Birmingham in 1854 and remained there until 1856. From the latter year until 18U1 he was principal of the government Deccan college at 10000. Bombay. Returning to London in 18G1 Sir Edwin became connected with the Daily Telegraph, doing much editorial and literary writing. The winning of the Newelcgatc prize 1853, the subject or his t of Bclsbaz poem being The a man of far An.oM n'kr1 above avc rave ability. On the death of Thonton llunL editor of the Tele- to ills post grap.i. Arnold zucece.h-cand for umny years was tin.-- most at Oxford in V-- " n . j feu. Reunited ty Their Child. Society Woman an Authoress. Mir. Cbir'Vii Marker, wl.r; km Just Rather a dramatic wedding cerea lairly ..nri mucieite, mony la reported from Fort "Scott. pubKislx-Some mcuil.s ago Mr. and write ti e Rtury i:i a'b:;j ra! in tlni.iicj Kuiibas. Mrs. H. L. 1 iallowcll .were (iivoried a mile from her l ixur.cuis pa.au- home, I h' . at l ilnrber . a: Hill, ini The itosiyn, of li.cou.i ibdity because one child, a small lad. and the young- me.st Imp'll t nit object in the place is it g machine on which Mrs. ster re! used to adjust himself to tho a type-ari- l Mac buy wrote thp story. In fine changed conditions. At last, on his weather site walked to and from her account, the couple decided to remarry. As they stood before the probaio secluded workshop and carried her look luncheon in a basket. She Is a joung Judge for tne ceremony the boy matron with some years to har credit holding between them, station his on the sunny Bids of SO. tight to a hand of each. Has Letter cf Thomas Jefferson. lett'T from Thomas . Jei.n.-nunw.tten liJ years ago to 0 e Indians of the Louisiana pur rimse. lif.s reec-- t.'y hec-from the archives of the Sac and Fox Indians in Oklahoma. Tire letter will be a feature of ihc Oklahoma historic exhibit ai the St. Iiuis fair. An autograph i uiu-arthe- Secret of Writing. The secre t of tho art of writing Is to have somewhat to say. aud to say just that and no other. Richard Grant White. |
