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Show MEANT TO BE FUNNY ALMOST A MIRAC. Case No. 49,763. Mrs. M. Isted, of 1207 Strand street, Galveston, Tex who is proprietor of a boarding house . at that address, numbering among her boarders a dozen medical dents, says: 1 caught cold during the 'flood of September, 1900, and it settled in my kidneys. Despite the fact that I tried all kinds of medicines and eras under the care of physicists, ths excruciating twinges and dull aching across the small of my hack refused to leave, and trouble with the kidney From secretions began to set in. falls to then, ordinary describe the anneyanco and suffering 1 endured. The fearful pain through my body, loss of appetite, loss of ' sleep, consequent loss of energy, and, finally, indication of complete dissolution compelled me, from sheer agony and pain, to either lie on the floor and scream, or forced me into spasms. On such occasions my husband called in a physician, whose morphine treatment relieved me temporarily. I grew weaker and thinner .and so run down physically that nothing was left but skin and bone. All my friends, acquaintances and neighbors Anew about my critical condition, and bn one occasion 1 was reported dead and they came to see my 'corpse. At last the doctors attending me held a consultation and agreed that if 1 did sot undergo an operation I could not live. Preparations were made, a room selected at the city hospital, and they even went so far as to have the carriage brought to. the door to carry me there. 1 dont know why, but 1 something told me not to go, and abwant the I Now refused. solutely reader to grasp every word of the following: A friend of ours, a Mr. knowing that my kidneys were the real cause of the entire trouble, brought a box of Doan's Kidney Pills to the house, and requested me to give them a trial. 1 had taken vso much medicine that I was more thank discouraged, and had little, If any,. faMHln' any preparation. However, I reasoned if they did not do me good they could not possibly make me worse, so I began the treatment. After the third dose, I felt something dart across me like a flash of lightning, and from that moment I began to improve. The pain in my back and kidneys positively disappeared, the kidney secretions became free and natural. At present 1 rest and sleep well, my appetite is good, my weight has Increased from 118 to 155 pounds, and my flesh is firm and solid. My friends actually marvel at the change In mi appearance. Words cannot my own feelings. I am not 1 say 1 fcm raised from the dead. 1 am satisfied that had it not been for Doan Kidney Pills, taken when they wereL I would have been either lying in the Lake View Cemetery, or an invalid for the balance of my life. I will he only too pleased ft give minuter particulars of my case to any one calling on me, not, of course, out of idle curiosity, but if they really have kidney complaint and want to know what course to pursuo to get relief." A FRES TRIAL of this great kidney medicine which ;ured Mrs. Isted will be mailed on application to any part of the United 'States. Address Co., Buffalo, N. T. For sale by all druggists, price 50 cents per box. Anglo-Saxo- n -- ex-pre- sj put-rwhe- j Foster-Milbur- n CHOICE SAMPLES OF THE HUMOR OF THE DAY. His Disclaimer. said the American father, "there is nothing In the rumor that my daughter is engaged to the crown prince of Furrinland." Here he assumes a pose of conscious pride, and resumes: But she could have a crown prince if she wanted one. My fortune is now at such a figure that at the prevailing market .rates I could give her 15 dukes, 20 lords, 10 earls or five ordinary princes. Thus you may see that the acquisition of a crown prince would not entail painful economy upon MNo," me."- - Both Were Good. t He I think she wears a very short golfing skirt She Well, why shouldnt she? She has a perfect right He Her left looks all right, too. Explained It Didnt Fight "Did you know that your political antagonist had cast reflections on your truth and veracity?" "Yes." What are you going to do about it?" "Nothing. My pride forbids me to fight anyone except a gentleman. And a man who calls another a liar is no gentleman." . A Fair Philosopher. And you really think that the ignorant may be successful in life?" said the man who enjoys abstruse discussion. "Certainly," answered Miss Cay , eaftf-Hhs man who (hBWUghly lieves in himself has a great advantis frequently age. And based on the grossest sort of ignor ance. self-estee- ChLpigo, Nov. 15. , a very Some weeks ago Dr reputable and wldel known physi-iree- was callclan, living on ed to attend a very mpllrated case of Rheumatism. Upon arriving at the about forty house he found a mai prostrated years of age, lying ft his whole and serious condition, . feezed with the frame dangerously rescribed for painful disease. He the patient, but the min continued to grow worse, and on h unday evening he was found to be in a very alarm-eand elbows lng condition. The kn and larger joints were greatly lnflam- ed, and could not be loved. It was only with extreme din culty that the patient could be turnc in bed, with the aid of three or foui persons. The weight of the clothing vas so painful that means hsd to be a opted to keep it from the patient's b The doctor saw that would be of no aval! house, the members following him to the Almost Immediately th ones were addressed German. He bad heard of the family, and now c-- . 1 wh TROUBLE. . g 1 well-to-d- a diMmt-e- d 1 Family EXISTED ONLY IN FANCY. Set of Cheap Teeth. A Yienua dentist reports having Hawthorne's "House of the Seven made considerable success with artiGables" a Myth. ficial teeth made of paper treated by A cousin of the lute Nathaniel Hawa process of his own invention. am try his remedy, thorne, who lives In Salem, says there a bottle forth brought never was a House of the Seven Oil. The poor wife aphlled this rem Gables in that town. He tells the edy. The first applies ion eased the Boston Journal that Hawthorne came patient very much; aft ir a few hours down to visit me snortly before his they used it again, sad, wonder of death, and we rambled about the old wonders, the pain van (shed entirely! haunts of his early days. 1 was parEvery subsequent application improvticular to ask him to point out, if he ed the patient, and in two days he could, the famous House of the Seven was well and out. When the doctor Gables, because at that time the concalled a few days after, troversy existed in some degree. deed surprised, "There never was any,1 was his immediate reply to me. 'I never had Each to Hie Own. "I tell you, said the bachelor with any particular house In my mind when the crusty way of thinking, I don't I wrote the story. It was just a fancy bfiUev in this business of henpecked of xiy own." husbands. ! think a married man Cold neglected thousands of "So do I, livesLittle should exercise his will. sacrificed ovary year. Dr. Wood's Pina Syrup cure little cold cures agreed the lady with an alimony, "so Norway cutdi too, down to tho vary verge of big with interfere the he as doesnt long married woman exercising her wont" consumption. Oil ae Medicine. PUTNAM FADELESS DYES do not In Levantine countries they say the stain the hands or spot the kettle, exexternal use of oil prevents rheumacept green and purple. tism, gout and other kindred maladies, Wheat Crept. which are aggravated by external The agricultural book of the north-wechills, and that the Internal use of the territories shows that in four oil removes the toxic condition of the W. L Dtoglnttkotturt ttie ttantart of Us merit. , sM urn nwtl W. L. Paaglaa made years the production nf what baa in- blood which leads to the generation of year Walt (Haad Hewed rrorsm) ihaea In the Sni creased from 5,542,478 bushels to other menafarta aav these maladies. Is moath af lSOi than bushels, and of oats from Plague of Caterpillars. bushels to 9,716.132 bushels. Southern Russia is beset with caterYears of in Suing relief d In a night. pillars. Swarms of the Insects have .U'lOVKOlittZX&MMft Itching piles yield at onclto the curative recently taken possession of the tad and dmerfoea taaMera. Mffl propertlesof Doan's Ointmfit. Never toil. streets, Enamel. S" Calf. Calf. rwsiACaemn buildings, walls, gardens and At any drug torn. BO. fanmlhs in the neTSVffUTR UUfi ol Con, hi. The avBulna Feat Color have W. I JXIDfll The French Army. Kief, and all over the provinces much r.aitllnii I B1D, Bnd price am pad on bottoMl Shoe bg mail, 26a. extra. Jllut. Catalog free, The Gazette of the French Ministry destruction is being caused. Near Kief k' War shows that from Nov. 1, 1902, the other day an express train took o W. L. DOUGLAS, BROCKTON. MASS. to Oct 81, 1903, the French army will two houra to plough throu(h the bar1 men born ricade of caterpillars that blocked the When Answering Advertisements Klndlg consist of all ! Mention This Paper. between Jan. 1, 1857, and Dec. 31, 1881. line. W. L. S3&S3A9 st v SHOES SS i 4 able-bodie- Quite Consistent. Miss Mainchantz I suppose you've heard of my engagement to Mr. Jenka? Miss Ascott Yes, and I confess was surprised. You told me once that you wouldnt marry him for a million dollars. Miss Mainchantz I know, dear, but I discovered later that he had .two mil lions. IN A dying patient r overs through ths liter position of a 1: imble German. His t, One Explanation of the Origin of the College Yell Her Golfing Costume Only Wanted Just Reward for His Hard Work. "Dr. August Koenigs Hamburg Breast Tea," writes Mr. F. Batscb, of New Way of Making Cake Was Horlcon. Wfs., "enabled me to get rid of an obstinate cough; we foel very Not Popular. The editor of a monthly magazine grateful to the discoverer of this recently started a cookery page." A wofew days ago an athletic-lookinChinaman Enters Politics. man craved audience with him. She Chinaman Mon War, a was seen to be carefully concealing nominated for been has of Honolulu, something under her apron. "Are you legislature by the home the man? she asked, "who published the Hawaiian Is making a vigorous and rule party that new way of making cake?" He of his district. canvass Mix admitted that he was. You said, washing-sodwith the flour, and stir lira InM Cannot lie Cared In a little bran and sweet oil to give by local application, a they cannot reach tba iMirtlou of iha eur. Tnera is only one Ye yes, stam It consistency. to cum itcafuNM. anil that la by roaaii mered the editor. "And you said. Add way lunonul rcmiHlioK. lieufncaa la reused by nn of tho niucti lining of the syrup and a gill of vinegar, and two lull .oicil condition in (lamed Tube. When ihia tuba ounces of gum arable when the cake Kuatachlan sound or Imperfect bear-...- .. a rumiiltiiK you have and whoa it Is entirely cloned deafness Is la half The gum arable, you the remit, and uiiIckh tbulnttammatlon can be told us, was to give the rake a rich ap- taken out and thin tube restore! to ite normal hearing will be dealroyed forever; pearance on top." I believe you are condition, Bine eanea out of ten ere esusrd by catarrh, editor. said the right, wMoh la nothing but an Inflamed condition of trembling aurfacea. And the in- tbe muruH "Well, take that, then! We will give One Hundred Dollar for nay eaae a with woman floored him of UcafneKH dignant by catarrh) that cannot cured by llall'a Catarrh Cure Send tot weapon that felt like a club, but which be fme. Instinct told him was a chunk of ths circular, CHENEY OCX, Toledo, (X Sold by DruggtHtH, lac. cake. Fill are the beak Hall' THfc EDITOrt PU4YSICIAN. A SURPRISED d ,,0 .w c' y? n Monkeys Hard to Train. To make a monkey into an actor Is a difficult feat, because he is too intelligent to train into obedience. It Is, Indeed, a dictum with some showmen that the more intelligent an animal is the more difficult it is to train him to do tricks, says the Pittsburg Dispatch. This is illustrated in the case of the horse, which Is a peculiarly stupid animal, and has always to be worked mechanically; and yet horses are exceedingly easy to train. A donkey, on the other hand, which Is really more intelligent than a horse, is not easy to teach, because he always wants to exercise his own wilL Left Quietly. Mistress I hope you did not hare angry words with your last mistress on leaving your situation. New Servant Lor bless yon. no, mum. I just locked her in the bath room, took all my things, and went away as quietly as possible. Stray Stories. Girl Goes With Every Drawing. Book Clark ia a lucky fellow. lie has just won half a million dollars. Buzz What lottery gives such prizes? Book The matrimonial lottery, Ita Origin. CSV Life out of doors and out of the games which and the enjoyment which they receive and the efforts which they play they make, comes the greater part of that healthful development which in no essential to their happiness when grown. When a laxative is needed the remedy which is give a to them to cleanse and sweeten and strengthen the internal organ on which it acts, should be such as physicians would sanction, because its component parts are known to be wholesome and the remedy itself free from every objectionable quality. The one remedy which physicians and parents, approve and recommend and which the little ones enjoy, because of its pleasant flavor, its gentle action and its beneficial effects, is Syrup of Figs and for the same reason it is ihe only laxative which should be used by fathers and mothers. Syrup of Figs ia the only remedy which acts gently, pleasantly and naturally without griping, irritating, or nauseating and which cleanses the system effectually, without producing that constipated habit which results from the use of the e cathartics and modern and against which the children should be so carefully guarded. Ifimitations, you would have them grow to manhood and womanhood, strong, healthy and happy, do not them medicines, when medicines are not needed, and when nature give needs assistance in the way of a laxative, give them only the simple, pleasant and up gentle-Syrof Figs. Its quality is due not only to the excellence of the combination of the laxative principles of plants with pleasant aromatic syrups and juices, but also to our original method of manufacture and aa you value the health of the little ones, do not accept any of the substitutes which unscrupulous dealers sometimes offer to increase their profits. The genuine article may be oought anywhere of all reliable druggists at fifty cents per bottle. Please to remember, the full name of the Company well-informe- d, ' T old-tim- Xn. Wlnlaw Soothing ehlldrm tensing, (nftnu tlie ganin, realire wind colic. SScaboUtab A Plague of Rats. Petersburg is fighting a rat plague of tremendous proportions. For three days following, early trains of the suburban Newskl steam street railway have been stopped by swarms of rats, wandering to the river for drink. When a grain elevator was opened the other day it was found that the rats had devoured 5,000 sacks of corn. The police are distributing rat poison to all responsible householders free of charge, and soldiers armed with sticks watch the road to the river where the rats get their morning tipple. 8chool Book Covers. Even with ordinary care the covers of school books become grimy and worn in no time, while the destructive boy or the careless girl completes the operation with extra dispatch. Table oilcloth or enamel cloth, as it is sometimes called, makes an excellent covering, and possesses an advantago over silesla or cloth in that it is easily cleansed with a sponge or wet cloth. A variety of covers and many pretty effects are to be found Jnen amel doth. THE CHILDREN ENJOY SL CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO- .- it printed on the front of every package. In order to beneficial effects it Grump Where m earth did those tudents get that college yell? Hump Why, once upon time they ways necessary to ths genuine only. upset a hornets nest. A Good Excuse. He was wandering in Ireland and came upon a couple of men "in holts" rolling on the road. The man on top was pommeling the other within an Inch of his life. Ihe traveler intervened. "Its an infernal shame to strike a man when hes down, said he. "If you knew all the trouble I had get him down, was the reply, you eouldnt be talking like that." , LAm i |
