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Show Battleships go to the scrap heap almost as fast as pugilists do. Smoke costs Chicago $21,830,000 a year, not to mention the agony. The process of dying poor is easily achieved by nine men out of ten. A Chicago woman takes taxlcab - rides to cure the blues. Not her husband's, hus-band's, however. Thieves in New York stole a wagon load of cheese. The police, we presume, pre-sume, are on the scent. A man went mad in a barber's chair in New York. Probably the barber was talking winter baseball gossip. It is now possible to go around the world in less than half the time it took Jules Verne's hero to make his trip. Possibly this world would be better off if there were no pistols in it. At least, there would be more people here. There Is more money in being an ex-king of Portugal than in being an ex-president of the United States, but there is less excitement. Hello! Here's Vienna exceeding the 8,000,000 mark. Some of those old-world old-world towns are getting nearly as big is a young American city. A new golf rule reads like this: "The lhaft may be fixed at the heel or at iny other point in the head." Is this olf language or what is it? A New York man who had lost his memory was found with $60,000 in his pockets. Probably discovered on a witness stand at an investigation. It is said that a St. Louis man kissed kiss-ed a girl 15,000 times in one month. Must have used a kissometer to keep the count. It is said by a glove dealer that Chicago Chi-cago men have reason to be proud of their small hands. Since when have email hands been a source of masculine mascu-line pride? One of New York's millionaires is going to marry a telephone girl because be-cause Bhe was always polite to him on the wire. Why spoil a nice polite telephone girl? A popular danseuse makes oath that her entire property is worth only $250, which may account for her economical eco-nomical use of stage dress. The "singing sparks" invention of the German professor will have no influence in-fluence on the sentimental sparking songs of the American parlor. Madison Square garden. New York, Is on sale at $3,500,000. Anybody want a nice little garden, centrally located? lo-cated? Gardening is fine for the nerves, the doctors tell us. The general manager of the Chicago Chica-go telephone company says that the question, "What's the time?" ia asked of his operators by Chicago subscribers subscri-bers no fewer than 52,000 times a day. There ought to be a good market in Chicago for clocks and watches that will keep time. A girl in Vienna was recently fined 86 cents for scratching a man's nosfl In the.street with her hatpin. This ia the first poetic retribution which haa overtaken the elongated feminine hat' pin, and it is so because the enormity of the offense was equaled only by thi hugeness of the fine. An English physician drank two billions of typhoid germs in Thames water without ill effects. The marvel of this bold experiment was the vitalt lty and constitution which withstood the water that proved too much tot the germs. A Greek poet has come to this country coun-try for the purpose of raising money to build a Greek battleship. Most poets are so busy raising money to buy their meals that they are willing to permit other people to look after the raising of funds for battle ships, A scientist in Melbourne claims that he has found proofs that Amerigo Amer-igo Vespucci discovered Australia in 1497, and that afterward the explore went away and found South America, This seems to leave Intact the honors of Christopher Columbus as the discoverer dis-coverer of America in 1492. Some authorities au-thorities have asserted that Vespucci reached this hemisphere a year bet fore Columbus. However, it is not a, matter of vital importance. There is no doubt that if both. Vespucci and Columbus had failed others would have found us. |