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Show Is it not time now for the joy riders rid-ers to quit? The reckless autoist and his liberty lib-erty should be parted. Europe without a war scare on its hands would be unhappy. Why become excited if you do not happen to own any sheep? Possibly you wouldn't like to be the ice man if you had to carry the ice. Mark Twain's estate foots up nearly near-ly half a million. Evidently he wasn't Joking for nothing. And now the fair ladies have taken up the practice of wearing false eyelashes. eye-lashes. False woman! Indiana farmers break into print by predicting an early winter. Rushing Rush-ing the season, as it were. Women are displacing men In all walks of life. One ot them has been killed In an aeroplane flight. The eastern woman who died and left ten sets of teeth evidently was well equipped to chew the rag. A new ocean liner is to be called the Gigantic, and in this case no 3oubt there will be something in a name. Now comes a learned scientist and proposes that the snake shall be sub-itituted sub-itituted for the cat as the household mouser. Doctors tell us that the oJd oaken bucket is unsanitary, but it strikes us that our forefathers were healthy individuals. The hobble skirt is to go, which will be a loss to the contemporary humorists but a decided gain to society so-ciety at large. A Chicago traction road has awarded award-ed a gold medal to a polite conductor. Buch a rarity In Chicago certainly merited some recognition. A Western oil man has lost his wife In New York for the second time. Always thought opportunity was supposed sup-posed to knock only once. The Denver man who )as an aching ach-ing void where his appendix once held forth also has an aching void in the vicinity of his pocketbook. New York is going to keep a card Index of the drunkards, which shows that the bigness of an undertaking loesn't daunt little old New York. It is to be illegal in New Jersey for women to wear birds on their hats. The women will doubtless be able to find something equally expensive. The insect that bit a St. Louis clergyman and stopped a wedding evidently evi-dently wanted to show that his sting was more effective than Cupid's dart. A Tacoma man on a bicycle won a race with a wild cat, but he cannot hope to compete with the French aviator avi-ator who won a battle with an eagle, i . Squirrels are busy destroying the Kansas corn crop. Don't blame the squirrels. If they were not destroying destroy-ing the crop something else would be doing so. Pennsylvania has a book agent one lundred years old. Undoubtedly he Is tough enough now to stand all the illeged witticisms that will be printed ibout him. i Mary MacLane, silent In a literary lense for nine years, says confidentially, confidential-ly, "Take it from me," in giving an Impression. Im-pression. This phrase is not countenanced coun-tenanced even in the discerning use a! slang. Tearing his shirt from his back, an Ohio man flagged a train and saved It from a wreck. That was good for t mere man. but the regulation article tor flagging a train in an emergency is a red petticoat. The New York Tribune has heard of a woman who desires to draw Ave pensions pen-sions because she was married to five men who served in the Civil war. It looks as if she had tried to turn matrimony mat-rimony into a sort of progressive pension pen-sion game. They have put a man in a lunatlo asylum in Ohio because he believes he has invented a telephone that will enable en-able him to establish a direct connection con-nection with heaven. If they are going go-ing to shut up all people who think the universe listens when they speak the asylums will soon be overcrowded |