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Show A GREAT SCHEME NIPPED IN THE BUD The Geeville Trumpet Blast of Freedom Stands Pat. By-Product of Pork Fails Utterly as a Weather Prog-nosticator. Prog-nosticator. By ED MOTT. Cold weather had co-r.p on quite early that fall, and I was writing a hurry call for stove vood on subscription subscrip-tion to the Trumpet Blast of Freedom, to go In the paper that week, when one of the fattest men I eve'- saw came into the office. He was In his shirt sleeves, and wore a broad-brimmed broad-brimmed straw hat. Without noticing my surprise, and before I had time to recover from it, he came up close, and in a mysterious undertone said: "Am r correct in assuming that you are the editor?" I told him he was. "And publisher?" "Yes," I said. "And publisher." Business manager went along with It, I assured him. He then said: "Then we can come to business. 1 see by scanning the columns of your estimable paper that you are not running run-ning any clothing store advertisements. advertise-ments. The local tailor shops seem to ignore you. The patronage of the outfitters of men as to garb doesn't show up a bit In your paper, which I see you furnish at the ridiculously low price of one dollar a year, In advance; ad-vance; one fifty If paid at the end of the year. Worth three times the money. I say I see the shops that make clothing their business don't seem to have discovered you." There was only one tailor and one ready made clothing store In Geeville, and it was true that neither of them had taken advantage of the Trumpet Blast's columns to boom their trade. In which particular, however, they wera in no way unique among the tradesmen of Geeville. "No," said I, smiling at the protest against this delinquency of the clothing cloth-ing men that seemed to lie in the mysterious stranger's manner, "they haven't come in yet." "Well," said he, with no little post-tiveness, post-tiveness, "we'll bring 'em In! Just listen to me and act, and we'll have the tailors and the clothing store men tumbling over each other to get here first with thei" ads. I've got a cinch on 'em that is yours if you'll listen and act. I've killed It and It's all right." This startled me some, and I looked up quick. The man didn't look crazy, but I thought he certainly must be. Anyhow, I kept cool and said: "Killed it? Killed what?" "My pig." replied the man, glancing around as if he was eager that by no :hance the matter should go any further. fur-ther. "I've killed my r'S It's all right. It's got a nub on the small end bigger than a prize rutabaga." I was sure now that the man was loony, but I thought it best to humor aim. and I said: "Your pig has a nub on the umall end bigger than a prize rutabaga?" "No. no!" exclaimed the man "Not the pig! It's milt. The pig's milt but, there! Maybe I'm 'way ahead of myself. Perhaps you are not aware Df the pig's milt?" I had to admit that I was aware of the pig's, milt 0"ly in a general anatomical way. "Don't know It as a weather prophet?" said the stranger. "Not the slightest as e weather prophet," I replied. "Ah," said the man. showing satisfaction. satis-faction. "Few do know the pig's milt as a weather prophet. There's where this cinch of mine is. That's what's Solng to make the tailors and the clothiers come across to you if you'll listen to me and act. Yes. Weather propheting. That's about all there really is to the pig's milt I have known It Intimately for forty years, and that's all the use I've ever discovered dis-covered that it had. If you think there is !.ny other use the pig's milt puts itself to, see the dictionary. Look It up." The man seemed so eager that I should know, and I wanted to keep I an the right side of him so much until I help of some kind might come in I that I turned to the dictionary, and I the "milt." The principal duty of milt, according to the dictionary. I : found to bo this: j "Milt; a viscus situated in the left liypoc.ondiium, under the diaphragm; ! see melt." "But you needn't see melt," said the man, nodding his head as I read 1 Trom the dictionary. "If you see melt It will merely advise yon to 'see milt' Having seen milt, you will of course serve no purpose by calling on It , again, and you have learned a!l there Is to learn In the dictionary about mllt. But long familiarity with It and perennial observation of It have taught me that pig's milt is a weather jrognosticator so Infallible that. 7 lolks only know it, the Kentucky goose bone and the woodchuck bur row and the corn husk covering and the muskrat nest and all the rest ol the old weather prophesying stand-bys stand-bys would find their occupations gone. Infallible? Why, say! For forty years, -whenever I kill my pigs in the fall, I have read the sign of the milt the very first thing, and then know a thing or two. That's what I've done this. fall When I killed my pigs the other day I directed my attention'as usual to a spot under the diaphragm of the most prognostic-looking pig I had, and removed the viscus from the left hypocondrium. Now, in going for the pig's milt in its unfailing capacity ca-pacity of weather prophet, let me tell yon in passing, just notice If the big end of It, the small end of it, or the middle of it is bigger than by normal nor-mal condition It ought to le One or t'other of 'em is bound to be so "If it's the big end. get things ready for the coming in of an early winter, and a winter that'll make things crack If it's the mk'dle part that ia exaggerated, you needn't count od having any fun skating or sleigh-riding' sleigh-riding' with your girl not before the fag end of January. "That's the way the pig's milt casts the meteorological horoscope. I have looked it over for this year, and 1 want to tell you that the small end of the milt has a nub on it bigger than a prize rutabaga. So you can keep right on wearing your last summer's sum-mer's clothes until almost time for johnny jump-ups to push their noses up, and then you can tide over the weather that may drop down for a spell about then by taking the old ulster from the peg, for it'll be too late to buy any new winter clothes. Too late. No use at all. "Yes, yes. Put your trust in the viscus situated in the left hypocon- He Looked So Hurt I Felt Sorry for Him. drium, unr"er the diaphragm, and do you follow me? See the cinch? In your mind's eye do you see the tailor9 and the clothiers on the run for head of column, next to re .ding matter, in your invaluable Trumpet Blast ol Freedom?" I tried to see it, but somehow my mind's vision seemed all blurred, and I told the pig's milt expert so. "What!" he exclaimed. "Don't see how important it will be to tailors and clothiers to keep this quiet? Don't see how, if this should get out and abroad, the winter overcoat and the winter suit market would just go bang to smash, and ruin stare the tailors and the clothiers in the face? Why! Days alive, man! They'll pay to keep this dark! Go to 'em with It. Say to 'em, 'Here! Column ad., six months, full rate, or see this go in the paper! Come across!" Will they come? Say! I wish I had time to handle this for you myself, but I haven't. I've got to get right back home. But don't laugh at me when I tell you that I will turn the whole cinch over to you for the ridiculous figure of two dollars, for I" Just then the office door opened and in came Snippers, the tailor, and Joback, the clothing store man. "Put it in the Trumpet Blast local3 this week," said joback, coming etraight to business, "that Snippers and Joback has j'ined stores and ii goin' in as pardncrs. And we wont t two-colyumn advertisement put In tills week, sure. Two colvumns, and run 'em right along, for Joback & " Snippers is jest goin' to boom things. Boom 'em heavy." I looked around and saw the man with the pig's milt cinch going out f the door, and he looked so hurt that I felt sorry for him. (Copyright, by V. G. Chapman.) |