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Show Page C4 - Till7 DAI IV III RAl D, Provo, Utah, Wednesday, July 7, 1999 Fundamental changes come from the heart "The only change that matters is a change of heart. Every other change alters us cosmeti- LFSCfSLTDOL? ddd mm CONSIDER THIS A A A "74e cally but not fundamentally, modifies how we appear or what we do, hut not who we are. Our hearts change when resenty ment, anxiety and give way to openness, sensitivity v if self-worr- and gl Y THEDMLYHERMD """T " 1 ib uimi ... im :iuiww riitii I AdMlnfc . rfhiTMJ love of life." These are the opening words of a manuscript entitled, "15onds of Anguish. Ikinds of Ijove," by a man I greatly admire, Terry Warner. Dr. Warner discusses how we tend to get all mixed up in relationships with others, how our attempts to find solutions lead us to "only think of cures that make us sicker." lvt't me illustrate. When you have a heated disagreement with you spouse, you are likely to ardently defend your position, and to be critical of that of your "opponent." Your frustrations increase as (s)he, with fervor equal to yours, champions herhis view at the expense of your own. AT THIS point your choices seem limited: you can up the ante by becoming more passionate, but experience tells you that this will only prolong and deepen the hostile feelings between the two of you. Ironically, we tend to provoke in others the very thing we hate. That is, what we want is validation, understanding and acceptance, not the criticism or defensiveness that we often run into. For instance, if I give a stern, harsh lecture to my teenage son, do really expect him to respond. "Why, thank you, dad. for demeaning me and pointing out my weaknesses. I am humbled by your stinging observations and loving criticisms. Your painful words have inspired me to change."? Persuasion is a gentle art, not a coercive txil. I believe that the solutions to many of life's problems are paradoxical, that they're closer at hand than we might think. They are at once most simple in nature, vet also terribly difficult and elusive. The shortest distance between two viewpoints is a 1 straightforward attitude characterized by honesty and humility. Such a "change of heart" will naturally lead to an acknowledgment of your spouse's point of view. Likewise, while there may still be consequences for my son, I'll be less likely to discipline him in an intemperate, manner. I conclude with a story, told by Stephen Covey, which illustrates how bonds of anguish can become bonds of love. Stephen Covey (S.C.) saw a friend of his on the street one day and asked him how things were going. The man mentioned that all was well, except with r old son, whom the his man described as insolent and rebellious. After hearing details self-servin- g Steven M. Gentry of the man's struggles, S.C. invited the man to one of his seminars. After one evening of the seminar, the man felt buoyed by the information and insights he'd gained, and he went home, intent on straightening things out with his boy. He went down to his son's bedroom and said, "Son, I'd like to talk with you." Glaring at his father, the boy responded, "We have nothing to talk about," and he slammed the door behind him as he left the room. Following his second experience, the man felt rejuvenated with things he had not learned from the first evening. He went home committed to resolving things with his boy. However, he got the same response. love. 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Letters of dark pigments with a natural praise have flowed in ever substance... also fades. ..and since my article ran, telling helps protect against further, how wonderful EB5 Wrinkle darkening. This new discovery Cream is. To my other readers, is known as EB5 AGE SPOT go into JCPenney and buy a jar FORMULA it's wonderful and I and see for yourself how your urge you to buy some. I know skin will feel softer, velvety, you'll love it.. .and since all EB5 firmer and visibly healthier and skincare products come with a money back guarantee of younger locking! and are Now, regarding your question satisfaction about age spots.. .I'm so glad available in JCPenney cosmetic you asked! I've heard about an departments, you can't go wrong. Orem 15 226-104- I about that pharmacist's 50 SCERA Provo (Bowling) RESTAURANTS & FINE DINING 20 25. 15. 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