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Show J . L LIFESTYLES EDITOR: ERIC D. SNIDER THE MIAMI HERALD O) 1 ..' v ' Ladies, attack swimsuit season face forward Ladies: It's time to get in "hape for swimsuit season! If you tart a program of diet and exer-xis- e NOW, in just a few weeks you can shed that extra 10 pounds, so when it's time to "hit rlhe beach," you can put on that 5iew bikini with the confidence lhat comes from knowing that you will immediately take off that new bikini, put on a liathrobe, and spend the rest of "the weekend in your bedroom, weeping and eating Haagen-daz- s straight from the container. Because let's face it, 10 pounds is not going to get the job done. Not these days, when the strict Sodily standards set by and top Hollywood stars dictate that no woman is supposed to weigh more than her lipsuper--Imode- ls stick. these celebrities stay rso impossibly thin? Simple: They e have personal trainers, who advise them on nutrition, "give them pep talks, and shoot Ithem with tranquilizer darts I whenever they try to crawl, on limbs, toward the packet of rice cakes that constitutes the entire food supply in ; How do full-tim- hunger-weakened mantheir sions. For most celebrities, the : biggest meal of the day is tooth- -' 37,000-square-fo- ot paste. (They use reduced-fa- t ;Crest.) But you don't have a personal Strainer, which means you have Zto rely on. willpower. And of Jcourse you don't HAVE any willpower. If you did, you'd be doing stomach crunches right ow, instead of reading this worthless column. But there you isit, lumplike, while the millions 3f fat cells in your thighs mate furiously and give birth to 1 jjgigantic Hum MJLE3Rfl Fourth-grade- rs Dave Barry -- SUNDAY. MAY 19,2002 THE DAILY HERALD (www.HarkTheHerald.com) 0 : Dl litters. Perhaps you are thinking: "But look is out! The super-thi-n fashion industry recently jdeclared that larger sizes were fashionable! Even Vogue magazine ran a photo spread wherein some of the models were normal Shuman females!" 2 No offense, but: You moron. IThis is a TRICK, a prank that 2the fashion industry plays every few years. It causes millions of normal-size- d women to -- go to the chic clothing stores, Hooking to buy the clothes they Ethe Ssee in Vogue, only to discover Uhat the fashion industry jmakes these clothes only for mutant women who wear size zero or lower. "I'm sorry, but we don't have 3that in your size," you will be JJtold by the snotty salesperson, who enters and leaves the store via the mail slot. "You might try across the street, at Big Betty's Duds for Whales." So what CAN you ladies do to for swimsuit season? prepare --You can do what we men have 3aeen doing, with great success, I 78-pou- Sfor so many years: nothing. SMost of us men have no prob- lem parading around the beach 3n a bathing suit, even if it yeveals that we have enough epare belly tissue to create a new person. What is our Secret? Why are we so secure iibout our bodies? Simple: We Jjiave no idea what our bodies --whole jjook like. This is because of the way we iise mirrors. Most women check lout their body from all angles, in 3his order: (1) front, (2) side, (3) back. Naturally, the last two views are the ones they remember best, and over time they come to see themselves as consisting Almost entirely of a stomach and 2a butt. Z Most men, on the other hand, Jiever look at anything but the Jront view, which is the most flattering. I'm a perfect examFor decades, having looked ple. See PARRY, D6 battle cooties, learn to waltz By JOHN CURRAN Associated Press Writer WEST CAPE MAY, N.J. Nathan Ten-year-o- ld Langston puts his right foot forward, eyes down, and makes his way across the floor like a man head ed to the electric chair. Emily Whissell is waiting for him. It's time to waltz at West Cape May Elemen tary School, and Nathan is in no rush to start. "C'mon guys, don't go over there mumbling, with fumbly hands," instructor Tom Cupp calls out. "Act like she's got your favorite j&i q ............ Emily and extends his right hand, his eyes still focused squarely on the hardwood floor. "Hello, my name is Nathan. Would you like to have this dance?" he says. She nods. Then, their hands meet and he backs up, step by step, until they get to their starting spot. Cupp hits the play but ton on a beat box perched on the lip of the stage and Steve Tyrell's rendition of It Had To Be You" starts to play. and Nathan Emily waltz, keeping time ... ... 3 ... to the music ... while Cupp shouts encouragement. "Ladies, I want you to keeD vour hand in a nice. strong cup. GuysJust'lef' her revolve aroiind until., she comes back to 'you " he says. This is not easy. To the seven boys and three girls in Amy Stoners fourth-grad- e class, almost anything else would be preferable. Who ever heard of ballroom dancing t class in elementary school? And who would think it's a good idea? Cupp and Principal William Donato do. The Alliance for Arts Education-New Jersey provided to an $800 mini-grahave the former ballroom dancing champion give eight weeks of instruction to the class. The idea is to teach cooperation and dance skills, but also to broaden the children's perspective by teaching them about the cultural origins of various dances. No one here expects Nathan and Emily to become Fred and Ginger. t J-- r h .1, J J - .UMLI ' V By ERIC Raspberries, beret: Above, a former rs arts-in-scho- techniques to another fourth-grade- But school officials believe their young dancers can make giant steps even if they don't learn any in particular. "It's v a ss'icOnfidence buider, and it builds too," Donao said. "They1,; learn they can do something. And as they self-estee- realizip the,haye abilities bout, they1! didiiV;SaMrt that will spill over into other areas." It was a tough sell, to be sure. That much was evident the first week, when Cupp first told them to hold hands. "One girl just couldn't do it," he said. "She looks at her partner and goes, 'He has a wart on his hand! Ewww!' and they all fall down ..laughing. So now, I bring Just in case." . Due to scheduling con-flicts at home, SCERA has had to take its latest production on the road. Fittingly, "You Can't Take It with You" resembles nothing else so much as a some bright roadshow performances, some amateurish ones, a few laughs and a lot of smiles. (If only there were refreshments...!) The 1936 George S. KaufmanMoss Hart play, directed by Jan Shelton, has survived the passage of time better than many of its contemporaries. Only a few passing references (and its vaudevil-lia- n -- ,' dia- logue) confine it to a par- ticular time period, and it is, I suspect as funny now as it ever was. r. Every Thursday at 9 s a.m., the pile into the gym for their session, dressed casually in blue jeans, athletic shoes and sweatshirts. Cupp, a former Haddon-fiel- d High School football player, knows the subject matter like the back of his Cuban heels. He won two U.S. Grand National Ballroom Dance titles in the early 1980s with partner Darlene LaPreste and now runs Fine Life Presentations, a nonprofit local thefourth-grader- te ater company. But he keeps the class light, starting each session with a brief refresher about the steps and infor- ( " - t mation covered previously. The children, with spiral notebooks in hand, sit '' I Band-Aid- s. " See DANCENG, D6 Sycamore family, of a dozen or so free spirits, artists and harm- less wackos, some of whom are not related but live in the house anyway. The patriarch, Grandpa (Joel Osborne), quit business 35 years ago so that he could enjoy a life of doing nothing. His daughter, Penny (Tracy is mostly a playwright but occasionally a painter. Her husband, Paul (Jason Evans), makes fireworks in the basement with an Italian guy (Josh Tenney); their daughter Essie (Melissa Aaron) wants to dance ballet; Essie's husband, Ed (Chad Taylor), likes to print things and play the xylophone. It is important to note that none of these people is very good at his or her chosen vocation, but they com-pose- AMERICAN FORK two-tim- e national ballroom dancing champion, teaches fourth-gradeRachel Reeves and Micah Lamb at West Cape Elementary School in Cape May, N.J., how to waltz as part of an program. At learns . Whissell left, Emily how to waltz. Below, Cupp demonstrates dancing It focuses on the The Daily Herald I I Tom Cupp, Can't Take It ivith D. SNIDER 'fitf CHRIS POLKThe Associated Press ""I -3 'You , rr -- s "I' .U 1-- 2- nt . V 11 I candy!" So, Nathan walks up to I ri ( Ten-year-o- ld d . Whit-lock- ), You7 WHAT: "You Can't Take It with You" WHEN: 7:30 p.m. nightly through May 25 WHERE: Valentine Theatre in American Fork, just west of the Mt. Timpanogos Temple at 900 North and 900 East. $9 general, $4 children INFO: Call RUNNING TIME: 2 hrs., 225-ART- - "tiR.: -- - offers lots of smiles IF YOU GO COST: ' S including one intermission persist in it because it's fun. Penny and Paul's other daughter is Alice (Heidi Boyd), the only normal one in the house. (One gets a sense of how Marilyn Munster must have felt.) At the time of the play, she is about to be engaged to wealthy Tony Kirby (Jeff Taylor), who she is certain will not understand or approve of her bizarre family. Tony's uptight parents (Robert Gibbons, Laurel Barham) meet the carefree Sycamores; and so on. Tracy Whitlock is very fun as Penny, flitting around with constant scatterbrained energy. As Grandpa, Joel Osborne is a fantastic, sparkle-eye- d coot; you want him to be YOUR grandfather. (I mean no offense toward my biological grandfathers.) And let us speak for a moment about the lovely and talented Heidi Boyd. She plays Alice with such grace and aplomb that the audience immediately sympathizes with her plight. The actress seems to believe every word her character utters, which grounds the daft play in reality. Speaking of which, Andy Hunsaker has a smaller role as the bearish Russian dance instructor Kolenkhov, but his performance is instructive: He is playing a character in a way that is still believable (and with believable comes funny). There is more to playing an eccentric character than saying each line broadly and with wide eyes. No one will mistake this for a professional production. It is rough around the edges, and professional productions don't cast characters with actors in their early 20s. But as light, community-theate- r entertainment, it passes the test and offers a gently amusing night out. Should you go? Sure, why not? It's sunny and harmless. larger-than-li- ld fe |
