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Show APRIL FOOLS, 1995 8 DEPRIVED EYE WEAKLY Men seeking women Personals namely mine. You'll of it. 29739. CAN YOU APPRECIATE THE REAL ME? Looking for someone who can love me for who I am and doesn't care about superficial qualities like physical appearance. I'm a mm TO AN WE R PERSONAL AD, DIAL A exploiting our country's resources and now I'm looking for a special woman who appreciates automatic weapons. Call Rep. Jim Hansen at 451-582. NEWT LOO KALI KE is searching for his very own Enid. If you've got am addicted to prescription painkillers, and then there' my alcoholism,, but as long as you believe in love I'm sure we can work things out. 49076. WM who just has lost all of his appendages in an accident with a threshing machine. I also get skin rashes on 70 percent of my body and DO YOU NEED A REAL MAN? What's sexier than closing national parks? I've proven my manhood by Women seeking men . MARRIAGE-MINDED- txTnr.iMNvi:!) for BROKE, WM, 28, 6'2". somconc who enjoys doing other people's housework, get a dinner out ' i:yk WASHER AND DRYER MY 581-308- for you. I'm 18, have to move out) soon (mom's expecting, again!) and need a man to give me shelter. My little sister would be a perfect second 8 wife. 59824 78360 help cut pork together. Cousins seeking cousins utner : REMEMBER ME? Iwas the one ' wearing the belt buckle with the name "Bud" etched in the back. We met at last year's family reunion. Please call DWM searching for true love in the form of a beast, male or female, race unimportant. If you can set the sheets on fire and still sleep in the bed, I want you to join me. 25974 the thighs, I've got the ham. Let's If you're ? looking for a woman to make you din-- . rtcr and have your babies, I'm the one; 17041. me. DISCLAIMER Chronide reserves ihe right to deny or edit classified advertisements on the basis of good taste ond propriety. Rates ore as follows: I IS words $3.25day, words days) $l3.00week(5 $5.50day, $22.00week (5 days) The classified od deadline is end of adverClassified business day, 2 days prior Is publication. tisements will not be taken over the phone, or after 4:00 p m. workdays. For information about classified ads coll In keeping wilh the Chronicle's desire to run honest advertisements, ifvou have any proof or evidence to the contrary, please coll trie office immediately. NOTICE - The LOST & WEDDING RING in OSH Coll Jennifer .6354. lost 327, please coll with ony info. 977- LOST: WEDDING REWARD: - 43 327 (in FAMB?) RING Roseyellow gold, lover's knot. Unique. Col George 461 4563. 410 ls. Studio near IT. PAD for your car, truck, von. Rum or not. ffs worth your time to col. . :. Immediate M & part time SHLTTSI FLEXIBLE WENDY'S: openings ovoiloble for energetic people at these high volume Wendy's stores. Flexible starting hours work with your busy schedule! No previous experience necessary, dose to U. of U. Apply in person Mon-Fr2 5 p m. of. 562 E. 400 S, or 43 62 62 62 AUTO REPAIR Rabbilt, Subaru & Hondas. VW Specialties. 425 Trucks, boats, molorhomes, furniture, electronics, computers etc. by FBI, IRS, OEA. Ext. S Available your area now. Call 1 805 CARS FOR $1001 9717. 4l? '85 FORD TEMPO $1200 obo . Coll James J at 538- 0627. or at Ihe Chronicle, 581 7041. 47 '90 MAZDA PROTEGE great condition, runs exc. oir, AMFM Cass, auto seat belts, 5 spd. 5500 o b o. Dave 268 1774. 62 motor homes Trucks, boats, furniture, electronics, computers, etc by FBI, IRS, OEA. Available in your area now. Call I 805 962 8000 Ext CARS FOR $1001 427 PERSONAL VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES can sometimes be a problem for students or staff. If this concerns you, call Jo or Michelle, University Confidential Counseling Center, KIDS build team Play Soccer!!! Soccer coaches needed for elementary school kids. 2 week niahts, flexible times, can work wilh a partner. Call Felix Capitol West Boys & GiHs Club: or Vondana at the Bennion Center: 47 REUNIONS tutoring project. Bennion Center, Jordan River Temple Sat, 8 April 995, 10:00 a.m. Dressed in chapel by 9:45 a.m. (for all who know Japanese) 47 47 WANTED to share duplex with 2 males, 1 Must be Non IDS & laid bock. 3 blocks from U. Full kitchen set up, washerdryer, backyard, hardwood floors, fireplace, whirlpool tub, garage, great neighbors. 532 0702. , ROOMMATE female. Hometown Nannies, $20000 to & board. room J25000WEEK plus CalifomiaConnecticulloccAions Col 583 1822 TRAVEL, FUN, $$ I 43 WANTED 45 to shore newly remodeled 4 bedroom house. 9th East, 1 3lh South area. $350.00 per bedroom plus utilities shored 486 5842, or 825 7292. FEMALES COMPUTERS- - NEW 48646MHz, 4 MB Ram. 545 HO. Monitor, DOS & Win. More Systems Avwloble! $999. MTH Computers! Eves 597 6978 412 MACINTOSH COMPUTER & PRINTER Complete system only 62 $499 Call Chris at 800 47 to shore duplex wsome. Private bdrm 6 living rm. ' Share kitchen, both, laundry. Great location. No parties, smokers, pets S250mo. 12 utils. S250 ' dtp- Refs 466 6321 22 HOME Cry, phone 363 3641. ROOMMA'.E EDITING - 47 328 2720 d d ROOM FOR RENT IN AVENUES $185 pUone lies. No smokers. Males only 3593718. tVd utit 47 MALE needed to sham on University Street with 2 guys, one giH & o cool dog! Available now $260mone col let Ann 9 VrrSERWJS,RHUfAl hows 43 HOLLADAY AREA SM. deposit, col Eric or Crag mature 43 BARTENDING 4 dean $250mo. 0 272 2660 45 AWAY FROM SUMMER LG HEAT!! Pork City StuoWLoft (an buslnel available now Cable. uhUes included LEASE PREFERRED leove message. 267 1114 GET 47 k k -- TAN STA $25 00 it tr -- ' 7. PREFKRAnON, AUDIT REPRESENTATION Near campus, reasonable rales. Audrey M Holaor, CPA, Attorney at low. 363 8086. 417 TAX TOO COSTLY? let me save you morsey. Quote for excellent record or not. Tickets, Occidents OK. Col Derm 539 7771. or 24hr mobile phone 552 7617. Leove message. Al State Auto, Renters, life HEALTH INSURANCE Best coverage around! As low as $32 single, $62 couple, $92 family, 277 8210 INSURANCE RATES 43 47 FMANGAl MEM Over $6 Bitton in FREE financial aid is now ovoiloble from private sector grants & scholar ships. Al students are eligible n9oafoVs.s of groaes, income, or par era's income let us help you Col Student Fmonbol Service I 800 263 6495 ext F 59065 420 FREE TAX ft ft ft ft ft PREPARATION-A- LL KINDS 25 years experience' Col Goo" at 484 1166 419 GETTING MARRIED? 500 Announcements lor under' $200 Cal Bediy RumWd at Logocy Armounfemcnrs 973 9249 Rates begmotSI5 MOVING SALE! Saturday, April 8 Student desk, dresser, moret and others 144 So 900 E 532 3791 lost weight ond earn 48 Orel weight people money Doctor reccxrmerKtW Cal now. 468 1401. 47 and softworr students free catalog, col 296 2282, or I 800 660 46 57$ PERFORMA Hard Dine. 10M RAM, Fax Modem, CD, Great ScWe Packogc 485 2713 MUST SELL Amtlrad Word Promsa Monitor tcybooid, software included S250 00 262 4314 John prwiler COMPUTER,' 45 45 62 47 62 45 ARTS, crofts 4 (ewetry at Gaiety, 1 20 $ Mom Sfcvcf m Salt LaW NATIVE AMERICAN tW IndWm rNvfrfauilH City; phone 363 364 816 o o POSTAL for silent rnovies. NEED ORGANIST o o o WANTED 45 , Detorfs 54 (lr805 962 8000Ex Y97I7. Make up to $2,000-$000mo teochmg bask conversational English S. abroad , Japan, lorwon, and Korea Many employers oner benefit No teaching provide room S board Asian or language rerfurred. for more (formation cal (2061632 1146 ext J59064 INTERNATIONAl EMPLOYMENT 47 533 0927 o ' Mediten-oneo- Get the most for your car insurance dollar. Call me, I'll show you why Allstate is a better value. oW itsssssststissssstsss). 3)1t1M0L 62 PROFESStONAl WORD PROCESSING. Manuscripts resumes, etc Ward Perfect 6 I Cal Gno 363 7751 LoCet TIIS 412, SSB, with data entry and computer experience for 27 hours a week. Needed immediately. Call 585- 31 35 for more information. SECRETARY MESA. 43 FREE a new ASST.RUNNER downtown law firm has immediate opening for a full time Executive Assist Runner. Responsible, able person with excellent refs. required. $l6,000yr. plus good benefits. Send resume to Office Manoger, Box (78, Key Bank Tower, SLC, Utah 84144: 43 $5,000WEEK POSSIBLE with our unique method. Learn how. Free info Rush SASE to 1868 W. 1000 S. Dept. A ; . Layton,UT 84041. TRAINING TABLE RESTAURANTS Great food, friends ond fun!! Irnmediate openings available for oU positions, ol shifts. Flexible hours work with your busy schedule! No previous experience necessary, we'll train. Excellent starting pay, with advancement and benefits opportunities. Apply in person today at the restaurant near you: 809 East 400 South - SIC, 2254 South 1300 East Sugorhouse. 414 EARN UP TO $6.00 AN HOUR Dslribution of fliers to retort stores. Flexible hours, cal Bok o - 45 POSITIONS CD ROM compony needs ful lime sales people. Please fox resume, SALES 45 INSTRUCTOR FOR RESIDENTIAL PROGRAM serving menPart lime, two years college tally disabled. experience. Columbus 10 West $7.09hr. Community Center, Century Pork Way. (2950 S.) 45 RUNNER WANTED commercial litigation firm. Send resume to: Law Office, for smcrl Salary dep. on experience PO Box 3 19, 165 Regent Street. Soft Lake City, UT 84111. 46 GAME TESTERS for next exoneration 3D games in development. Also seeking Test Manoger. Art, computer science, marketing, ond architecture background preferred. Col Mike at SmgleTroc, 521 5644. 46 FAST Raise individuals. $500 m 5 days. Greeks, groups, 4 Assoc for convenient downtown location. Work Monday through Friday evenings storting approx. 5:00p.m. No experience needed. Colferoddi-bon. inforrrxjtion and oppoinlmenl. ZOO has irnmediate openings in the conShifts start between 9:00 a.m. & cessions deportnient. 11.00 a m. Mon-Fr$4.75hr. Apply weekdays at Hogle Zoo 2600 Sursnyside Ave. 582 1631 ext. 705 45 needs TELEPHONE INTERVIEWERS WANTED Dan Jones 4:309:30, M-- 9 5 S. Jored, 322 1041. FVUtT e 43 NEEDED TWC JANTTORS 43 COFFEE HOUSE wJ olrrxMphere, Part lime help needed (AM 711) great train 487 6589. 2020 South State. 43 Hiring ful & part time Help. apply at 663 So. 600 West. ROCKY MOUNTAIN MOVERS Flexible hrs, 355 7700, or ccl . . - COLLEGE STUDENTS NEEDED $ 40mo in your spare erne ... -- . 411 Help us help others & earn 3hrswl. For info cal 62 427 M-f- 47 i UTAH'S HOGLE 47 Beautiful environment, NEEDED flexible hours. Apply in person. 680 East 1st South. THE OLD SFVLGHETTI FACTORY at Midvoley a rehiring servers. Flexible soSedules, great pay and benefits. No experience needed. Apply in person, M-- 3 4 p m. 5718 WArTERSWAiTRESSES 414 S. 47 I900W. NANNY: Need room and board Const be my normy. FxibtertaurvSortoV location. 9428182. 47 There's more than one way to draw EARN $350-$40- 0 oiooa Per week or more! 'People Needed To Do Fun, Easy, Respectable Part or Full . . Day, evenins & Time Work At Home. 24 Hr. Message Gives Details CALL NOW. Saturday classes LIVE DIFFERENTLY Live in a residential community with 5 other students at the LuthcranKpiscopal Gimpus Ministry. Residents give 6 hours per week to household chores and ministry tasks, and $!)() per month, in return for gtrat proximity to campus and support from our community. You do not need to be . ' Lutheran or Episcopal, but will be expected to provide ' Christian leadership for our activities and programs. Call for more information: Alicatioiu due In April 2 Id , pea oua 222 So. 1 300 E. ccutcn ivcaT 582-720- 0 7800 So. State 255-590- 0 Om OreW rV CeifM ' btWSUNMir4V99S TOPPB W MRW W is looking EXECUTIVE CHOICE! 14 for employee. If you have previous bicycle shop experience and wont a cool job, Nick at 581- E. call 200 S, or apply in person at 1330 9977. 414 GUTHRIE BICYCLE limit On Older fwr Ceiuf ein 99 Sex Drink fUftflt UV CMAItMOUO BtW MOT, ANMMCAN CMHI A UAN BACON, IfTTUCI, OMON, TOMAIO A 46 359-070- 0 62 FRESH RESTAURANTS BACON CHEESEBURGER " POSITIONS 1995-96- . Teoching undergoouate learning Matriculated graduate students eligible. skills course. Previous leaching experience preferred, not required. 9 months; 14 time, $3,000. Applications available, 426 TA 45 foreigngiadutjte student BUY ONE GET ONE 46 Cafe Part time evenings. WANTED dubs, motivated Fast, easy, no financial obligaext. 33. tion. (800) THE AK APPARENT, a kite and toy store located in Trolley Square is taking opplicotions for part time sale staff. Evenings and weekends. Apply in person 10 o m to 5 p m, RELATIONS OFFICER CD ROM company public relations officer. Please fax resume, PUBLIC o o CD ROM company needs native speakers of Gormqn. French, S Spaniih Please fax resume, 278 2666 . t EARN MONEY Rooclng boolsl SX.OOOyr income poten-o- l 62 totwn. manuscrxjes. resume welcome 5822020 421 AND GOVERNMENT JOBS Now hiring, No experience, wil troin Sot $2 hour plus ful benefits 1800 875 7616. 421 oppliccrtiorisondiobtilles. U.S. 62 o Fishing Thursdays Typing, bookkeeping, filing, phone answering. 467 7767, or 582 1960. 331 S6.00HR TO START PA Need several people to do phone surveys, 4 pm Mon Fri, 10:003 00 Sot. NEW MONO WLTfNTS needed for study Adults paid $75 for approx. I hour 277 9392 eves. 412 TRANSLATORS Industry Earn to MaleFemale. No extA59065. 424 ALASKA SUMMER EMPLOYMENT 47 TYPING 62 272 6948 AUTHENTIC 47 43 Fast and accurate word protesting. Dan 278 tcnption, composition, editing FAX or phone Jean 3374 Ed.1. word processes Vi- 47 WORD SERVICE. TEACHER. - JC. CAMP COUNSELOR. Hiring Day Camp Counselors Monday tSru Fndoy beginning June 9 iru August 25 Must be 21 years old and have a valid driver's (cense. Apply al East Milcreek Recreation Center - 2230 E. Ewjrgreen Ave (Ph. 272 2243) OJSTOMER SERVICE. Access Long Distance is looking for a responsible, wel organized customer service representative:. Hours: Noon - I Ipm Tuesdoy-Fndo- y Apply o) 215 S SloleSt , Ifth floor. 8 30-- 4 30. APPLAUSE!! Make it happen at Bolet West Articutoteand dynomrc art lovers needed to help promote our best season . everl PA eve hrs Cal Mothew' irons 15 p m. NOW1 3559024, . . ODCARETEAO L Port TrmeFul Time Discovery Hal Preschool 1063 E 200 S. 363 4332. 47 FORMER ENGLISH 412 DAY NEEDED: JEWELRY DIAMONDS: GUARANTEED LOWEST PRICES IN UTAH! large selection of durum mV bnduf sets, veddmg band Everything wfsutwubt Rocky Mnuntmli Oomond Expo Mart 230 W 200 S Suite 2613 Cal far orxwement Vf Sid 485-393- ADOPTION: A GfT OF LOVE. Hoporly married teacher and physician wish to adopt a child. Con provide a loving, secure home, legdmedtcal paid Please cal our adoption counselors at I 800272 3678. Eileen & Chris 411 CAMCORDER VCR In 44 719 VC . OAK A MAPLE DRAFTING TABLE wstod. $150 SrhwWtn Q 230 Recumbent F wrcne Bike werectronx; monitor. $750 , ColChorlene, 579 1044 44 us comcrr 62 CLASSES: undraped. $800hr. Jeff 531 8060, SLCC George 487 1790 it - WHY NOT? New ttes I mil $3.00. 10 visits East Ph 533 8989. 816 677 So. TV 101 keyboard, ' 5391740. Earn great $S$ while having fun. Tuesday & Thursday evening classes. Bartenders Incredible 410 Col 5530605. ACHE..CertHT18725l. home service and repairs of "Carry In rates Cash tor non waring TVs & VCRs ADVANTAGE VCR SIR VICE. 2865 Wialerkng Way SLC UT 84121. 801 947 5166 PRIVATE GERMAN LESSONS by troche, from for al college levels. 262 3494 WHY GET AN HfV TEST? Because HIV dnrosc, which leads to ACS, is o real threat here in our community fjatauscytw need to prated your health and stie heoiti of others with linowledgeabte action Because the earlier sornnonr knows they ore infected, the great" then chances of sSnymg hcoMiy lonaer The U of U Student Health Sorvwe offer CONFI ' KrUU HIV Counseling and Tt ttnff, and the partners. For more information or to schedule an appcxntrnenl. cal 58 1 6431 can afford 8467 RATESMSS. MODELS FOR ART CLASSES 62 FOR SALE BM COMPATIBLE 286 VGH color monitor. modern. 2 drnes Cal Jennifer, 585 4102 UTAH DATA SYSTEMS mercials, prinlwork Ifs easy, STAGEFRKjHT through hypnosis rapid and natural. You con choose to speak wish confidence in public or private situations and secure your future by developing sSis number one job requirement. Louise Hunter, 46 furnished bosement oyrjeiaist ONE BEDROOM East Bench, mature female $385 00mo Utilities included Col Peggy 486 1694 NOW! For films. T V comImmediate Opoortunities. SSGREAT ACTOR TYPES NEEDED 487 8262 & lfUrcOm2tMOM. NeprU No smokeNo pels 949 E 800 S. 533 2459. 43 DON! RENT!!! Buildvour own home without lifting o finger, skip realtors ond builders, torn tens of thousands of Perfect starter home opportunity!!! Col Paul, leave first name and number. 598 8420. 62 NOT MODEL OVERCOME CHARMING AVENUES HOME. long term lease Professional preferred. You'l love it. $ 200 00monsS. it 45 44 ' SERVICES--- .'.- 62 FOR RENT a part utilities. ; , WE EDIT SCHOLARLY TEXTBOOKS & DISSERTATIONS for logic, style 4 continuity. Winslow's 582 2020 & Be of o quality team Works with school.. 262 2022 Rondo, WANTED to share home will Grod students. 7 mn hem Campus. $210 00 plus 15 utilities. Col 410 scheduling? Extra hours ovoiloble? A wage over $5 00hr? Seejobl95-1- l Root 1030 in tie Arrex Building, or co 241 5307. NEW JOBS are posted for students each week in SSB382. Come and see us. Flexible benefits. $3,000 $6,000rnonti experience necessary. (206)545-415SECRETARY: Mocword; Afternoons Tuesdays, Wednesdays, 45 44 . TO SHARE in Ml. Olympus Cove! $295 534 7858 . AUTHENTIC NATIVE AMERICAN ARTS, crafts & jewelry at the Indian Paintbrush Gallery, 1 20 S Main Street in Soft Lake 816 5963. - FOR A JOB WITH: for insurance brokerage Contact inolcpendent ogenh, by phone, obout new products and supports $7.00 per hour. 262 2022 Rondo. JOB FOR RM'S that Irjved people ond direct contacting. Lecrds provided We pay for licensing Excellent CONDO 2 bedroom. 2 bathroom, washerdryer, free cable. 10 mm. to U. POOL, jocuzzi, no smoking. ' 5216567. LOOKING HELP KITCHEN needed for study of partner of same race. Call 581 45 ) ) A vV The OR CASHIER. Experience necessary Other Pkxe Restaurant. 469 East 300 South. Telephone WAITRESS'S monlh. GUISE SUPS NOW HRiNG Earn up to $2,000 World travel. Seasonal & ful time positions. No exp necessary for info, col I 206 634 0468 ext C59066. 424 GREAT PREMIUM 428 RECEPTKX4STOFFKE MANAGER TRAINEE position ovoiloble with o financial services agency in the Union Park area. 12:30-5:3Job share afternoon shift weekdays. Contact Garth Dnggs 569 8888. 6925 So. Union Park Or. 355 MidvoleUT 84047. TELEPHONE ASSISTANT 43 S.i5 ENTERTAINMENT ........ 47 SERIOUS STUDENT ) ' Send SASE to PO. othome. EARN CASH stuffing envelopes Box 10075. Otalhe KS 66051. Bilingual 47 45 . drDeDea!531-0226- 47 ROOMMATES CHILD CARE is 46 for the Homeless Shelter School For more information stop by or call the Ask for Don or Laura. volunteers who con speak Spanish, Vietnamese, Cambodian, Laotian, Arabic, Russian ond Tongan as Wei as English, to volunteer Apr. 29, 1995 for Health Fair. Contact Gena or 977-919 for details, or Jeff Robbins at the Bennion Center. WANTED: JAl CITY SSS? WE NEED YOU! Utah Food Services needs reliable waiters, waitresses, bussers, for National Conventions to be held at the Salt Paloce Convention Center, Sab Lake City, Utah. Port TimeFlexible shifts. Contact Jim DO SOMETHING WILD!!! Volunteer in the Legal Services for the Homeless Outreach Office. No experience necessary, great for pre law students Contact Chris or Tyler at the Bennion Center, 581 481 MISIONAL Mision Argentina Bahia Blanca. Presidente Blue & Finlinson, 31 de Marzo a las 19 o 23 horas Memorial Lounge, Wilkinson Center BYU. Contactor Kenneth RoskeHey a (801)571 6157 or (801)378 6377. 4 4 Actividode, Milaneias y oir as cornidos. PACHANGA LAKE WANT VOLUNTEERS ARE NEEDED SESSION TEMPLE ENDOWMENT LANGUAGE JAPANESE hiring: line cooks, servers, bussers, hosts, bookkeeper. Experience preferred for a high volume restaurant. Open evenings. Apply in person 460 S -1000 (. Enter from bock kitchen door. OLD SALT THE 47 , NEEDED 43 DISADVANTAGED HELP KONOMtCALLY skills ond have fun. EATING PATTERNS flexible excelled income, hours, need good people skills. Qualify? Call Brenda, 566- ' 8266. , IMAGE CONSULTANTS Major discounts an Jelta, Golf, We tow. Free diagnosis. A I 43 - 2240S. 1300E. AUTOMOTIVE' STUDENT 44 ETHNIC MARRIED COUPLES choice. Both spouses must be TOP DOLLAR Can check WORD PROCESSING (WP 5.1), TYPING. spelling, grammar, references (APA, Turabian, Campbell), editing. Jvtrs. Neltey, ENGLISH does technical editingwed proENGkNEERBA cessing. Manuscripts, dissertations, papers. Gena, PIANO LESSONS. All agesleveHono or Michael lucorelii. Call tV A Start $5hr. 65 E. 400 S. CASHES, AFTT3bNOONSEVES. Col John 5341010. 62" 62 MUSIC CLASSICAL GUITAR AND S1750WEEK POSSeVE mailing our circulars. No experience required. Begin now. Far info col WORDS PROFESSIONAUY COMPOSED, edited, word processed, laser printed, transcribed, scanned. Formats: APA, Turabian, Compbel. Theses, dissertations, resumes, papers. Programs: W.P.6.0, W.P5. 1, Microsoft Word. Graphics: Auto Cod, Harvard. Free pickup and delivery. Carolyn FOUND 499S RESTAURANTS FRESH BANANA of STRAWBERRY- - SltAKE HIT SHAM M SU"-VT-AH MOUDAY bftm 1 RESTAURANTS CHEESEjBURGER H,MVVWUi1lX10NnK tONMfO man iaucl 4 LB. SUNFMr 4f ffS |