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Show 4 The Daily Utah Chronicle Friday, March 31, 1995 Columnist's interest in invisibility fades following numerous unseen experiences outlining the story of one Mr. Al Mark Melville The Mercy Cube Come ride with the buffalo on April 15th & 16th on Antelope Island, sign up at any Guthries bicycle store. P0N7 MISS OUT OH government's "Philadelphia Experiment," an The Cube. We're sorry, but all our lines arc busy now. Hello. during World of the secret ultra-secre- You have reached Please stay on the line and an operator will be with you as soon as possible. Ahem. I've been reading the last couple of days a nifty new conspiracy book (this conspiracy thing is rapidly becoming a deep obsession of mine) THESE GREAT PEALS! mMm, mm Bielek. Mr. Bielek claims that War II, he was, part t attempt to make the navy vessel, USS Eldredgc, invisible. He claims that he was aboard the ship when by the use of mysterious technology created by Nicola Tesla and Dr. John Von Neumann, the ship not only became invisible, but traveled through time. Hmmmm. Invisibility. What would it be like to be invisible? I suppose it would be wonderful for people like thieves, voyeurs and stalkers, but is it really all it's cracked up to be? No. (RW0DD01I1 (ROffi w,;,.il(!. most want to be noticed. For example, several years ago I had to take a trip on a Greyhound Bus (ohhlihhhh ... ). Naturally, I went up to the ticket window to buy a ticket. I got in line, and waited behind about four people who were swiftly served and away. I hen at long last it was my turn. I told the fellow where I wanted to go, and gave him my money. I watched him print out my ticket, and look back at the window briefly. He then picked up the telephone and called someone I presumed was his wife. The conversation was less than vital to the operation of the transportation needs of America, M I Now if only could get the invisibility to extend to my car when it's parked (as it always Over 100 classes to choose from Some classes closed and SUN venient. I only seem to become invisible precisely at the times I and I still did not have my ticket. So I waited at the window, drum- - Registration 8AM-8PClasses now in session SAT You see, I have firsthand experience at invisibility. At least it seems like it sometimes. And it's far from con- seems to be) at an expired campus parking meter. Argh. 10:00am & 2:00pm General Conference ming my fingers on the counter. Minutes passed. He hung up and started pacing his ticket office. FOR SEVERAL MINUTES. He finally saw my ticket still in his printer, Salt Lake Tabernacle Channel 5 and 1160AM and picked it up, confused. He went to the ticket window and LOOKED RIGHT THROUGH ME, yelling to the waiting crowd in the room (I was the only one actually in line now) "Hey, somebody left their ticket to (wherever it was)!" Still standing right in front of his face, I waved at him. "Hi, that's my ticket." WISES O ' U L Hi EPvour ADD I standards. Spring Quarter Classes March 31. By (3 "Oh," he said. "Where did you go?" "I've been here the whole time." "Oh. Here. Didn't see you." And that was that. Invisibility may have its advantages sometimes, but mostly it's just a pain in the butt. I find that my invisibility cloak must extend a certain distance around my body, since other people nearby me are occasionally enveloped in it. Especially at restaurants. It never fails that when I'm out with people it takes forever to be noticed and served. "Oh. everybody says that." you might say, but how do you explain that when I go to the rcstroom just after wc sit down, my companion or companions are alums noticed V i Your Spring Quarter Classes By April 7. (Use the Telephone Registration System. Call 581-440- 0) and served mere seconds after I have left the vicinity. OTHER WISE... I Hie ink used to print this column has probably gone invisible just because of my During the Second Week of the Quarter, The Instructor's Permission is Required To Add or Withdraw From t WMiJi' l'lt Class(es). (Refer To The Current Quarter Class ScheduleStudent Handbook For Details.) ''''''ill! connection to it. I could speculate about why this is so, why I am so often transparent to perception. Perhaps I am an unaware subject of a secret government test of the latest in stealth technology. But then again, it never seems to work when I go into Radio Shack. The overly enthusiastic sales guys arc always on you " 15 4 1ST 00 945 2:194 30 740 (3 tMtU) ns NopMao, no dncouni c.mwi wiw 1 t ?0 72i 35 (ULTRA STEREO) Nopnsm. NopMMt. M ditcount fckOM , tmtmtm . . j l.'jf; ' ' ' '.'I1;!.! 12:00 2:35 5 OS 7 35 10 05 (STEREO) No pOSMS. no Supw Ssv0ni ,,! MMttixJ Opon M 6 45. BRADY BUNCH before you even get through the Mcfcou 30 743 1000 (STEREO) 00 3 IS S 00 discount ticfcfS cgfetrar's Office could just go on and on. but what's the point? 12.30 2 50 4 50 7:30 ce 1:00 "j .4S (3icncij No UHM no discount 310 S70 7 25 (STEREO) 30 door. Argh. Now if only I could get the invisibility to extend to my car when it's parked (as it always seems to be) at an expired campus parking meter, Argh. Menj Qilff Factoid: Contrary to popw lar belief, horses are actually a type of fruit. |