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Show Tuesday, January 17, 1989 Chronicle - Page Nine Let U. officers 'tow our way to fiscal security' Editor These are the times that try men's souls.-Tho- mas Paine Speaking of pain, I think it is time to address the most excruciating and devastatingly cruel and inhumane problem plaguing this campus. No, I'm not referring to racism, nor to world hunger, promiscuity or campus condom dispensers. I'm not referring to the University of Utah student government officials who promised us AND the New York Times that they'd do nothing, but have succumbed to the low-lif- e corruptions of power and did do something. Let me get this straight: They fired someone because they didn't do something, which is a lot different from doing nothing--the- y should be impeached and new elections held. By golly we elected them to do nothing! No, the devilish problem is the deplorable inefficient cy of the campus security as they attempt to issue parking violations. It's not their fault. There are entirely too d bastions of law and few order patrolling the student parking lots. Brown is such color anyway; let's get them black a wishy-wash- y h black hobnailed boots leather overcoats with and billy clubs so they can really do their job. This problem is easily solved if we are committed to the cause. We should demand that the university hire 40 additional campus security personnel. Then 23 will be assigned to the student parking areas where say, the "south relatively few violations occur-li- ke 40" acres of prime parking. They should be equipped with snow shovels and have unlimited access to red paint. When it snows, they can shovel out a few new, innocent-lookin- g parking spots. After the students park their cars and go to class, these security folks can paint the curb red, cover it with snow and ticket the car. A few more snowstorms and we can finance the 1 whole venture. .. Another critical improvement that cannot be delayed is the replacement of the red "U" and brown "A" posts, which designate student and faculty parking. They furry-collare- d, brown-jackete- hip-hig- should be replaced with barber-poie-typ- e turnstile mornings, they can go to the empty faculty parking lots and, by turning the turnstile, redesignate the lot for student parking. Then, in a few hours, they can turn the device, redesignating the lot as faculty parking and ticket the silly students who don't have their parking regulations committed to memory. . This turnstile device would also save the U. money, because it would render the visitor parking meters (which are often placed alongside red "IF posts in student lots) obsolete. The parking meters, in all honesty, are hard to beat for pure hilarity. Where else in America can you park your car, put your money in the meter-thinkstill get a you have an hour or two-a- nd ticket? Let's see, $25 for the "IT sticker, $1 for the meter, $7 for the ticket-n- o, they'll never be obsolete, for buck- - But a simple moditoo the much they're bang value-mawill fication ke increase their them portable for those "slow mornings." Additionally, how can campus security really do a bang-u- p job without a tow truck of their own? Think of all those greedy anarchists who, upon seeing their cars ticketed once, leave them there the rest of the day? Now, with a tow truck, we could tow the vile violator so someone else can get their chance to be ticketed and ing towed. Think of the extra revenues! What really steams me are those naive, non-teaplayers who park out on Guardsman Way without a "U" Let's just paint a single red line down Earking permit. of the road all the way to Sunnyside Avenue, call it a curb, and ticket and tow our way to fiscal security. Now, what to do with the other 17 additional campus security personnel? Six will be roving guards, responsible for ticketing those unflappable students who wait patiently in the lots for a parking space to open up Detween classes. Yep, ticket 'em where they wait. Five of the extra will be supervisors, responsible for ensuring that the others meet their ticket quotas. The other six will be organized into two three-ma- n death squads. They'll shoot any animal with his "butt parked in a snowbank" without a parking permit. Oh yes, one more thing. Close down the Appeals Office of Parking Services in accordance with the principles of T.A.N.G.A.There Are No Grounds for Appeals. Sorry, rules are rules. m Hatred of racists can be an excuse for ignorance Editor In response to the recent editorial by Bel-AJean de Montreux involving racism and the righteousness of the Mormon Church, allow me to openly invite him to attend meetings with me on any Sunday. I too am disenchanted with the attitudes that too many members of the Mormon Church seem to embrace. I find it increasingly difficult to remind myself that it is the idealistic tenets, and not the people, that attracted me to the church and maintain my involvement in it Fortunately, I have developed a strong enough character not to be influenced by the actions of others, but I also don't have the added burden of racism on my shoulders. I would hope that if I did, I'd be able to overlook it and continue on much the same as Mr. Jean mi self-impli- self-righteo- us de Montreux is doing. As for racism, I abhor it intensely. However, it is hard for me to avoid the opposite side of racism, hatred of racists, which is another excuse for ignorance. It is a fine line to walk and requires knowledge, understanding and compassion. May we all find it and become examples to those who haven't. Stephen G. Loosli . "reht-a-cop- devices which will afford the campus security folks an opportunity to really control parking congestion. In the Sophomore-busine- Jeff Cavano -- Graduate student at large I .;::.:43.:-x-:-x:;- D0ujkt a clou. Mclatpeoples ' & RDT WELCOME THE SPECTACULAR LAR LUBOVITCH DANCE tff the tough 'n Here's totooth. You can XX"X'M'X"XvX' SX'XxvX'X-- ss s" ASUU, KJQ 9mm ed eat with them. Smile with them. a Whistle with them. Grit them! If you're so inclined, you can even lie through them.But there's one thing you can't, do: Ignore them. If you do, they'll -go away. All you have to do to keep your teeth terrific is brush and floss daily. And get a check-u- p and professional cleaning on a regular basis. Of course, if you don' t want to do these things, you'll still be able to eat apples. You'll find them at the store. In the Gerber's display. For more information about preventive dentistry, call for a free consultation. - . mm "Whirling, swirling, swooping, sweeping & leaping lightly. One can only watch with joy and awe . . - Durham Morning Herald "BEST DANCE COMPANY OF THE YEAR" - New York Times "Few companies radiate the sheer joy of dancing, the delight in moving..." - . Chicago Sun Times Fri & Sat., January 20 &21 Student Tickets for Fri. Night on sale now $5.00 & $7.00 Union front desk & Kingsbury Hall DUCK'S BREATH MYSTERY THEATER REUNION FAMILY DENTISTRY Don't miss this JAMES E. RUSSON - D.D.S. 311 So State Call 363-565- Suite 218 (Brighton Bank Building) 2 FREE OFF STREET PARKING KUER Benefit WrAimr FREE DENTAL CHECK - UP Wik.4 SECOND CITY COMEDY TROUPE Friday. February 10 MADAM BUTTERFLY FEB. 24 KINGSBURY HALL, 8 PM Tickets $5 ANSAI CONCERTS PRODUCTION Only star 27 Tickets available at Union Front Desk For information X-ra- ys Good for the whole family (until January 31, 1989) Good One Time ftr MTV Performance! Friday, January fat it Including 2 chance to see RANDEE OF THE REDWOODS, DR. SCIENCE and all the DUCKS together one LAST time on this - RARE & 581-686- $7 6 |