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Show A-14 The Park Record Saturday, January 4, 1997 c and so it goes... By Tom Clyde l .11 S 1 1 M il ik :n? Owning A Home May Be Easier Than You Imagined. Predictions for 1997 V nteiSimSSiiiMiMiBi " Custom Deer Valley Home Code 8002 Buildable View Lot Code 8012 factor ri' '3 rf&J t . '. I ft M"". One Bedroom Condominium Code 8022 Country Home Code 8032 li it5 Three Bedroom Condominium Code 8042 (WW Near Resort Three Bedrooms Code 8052 Marketed By: CHRIS EBERLEIN, CRS "Buyer Representation is Also Available." ThePrudential' Coleman Real Estate SINCE 1972 317 MAIN ST PARK CITY DINNER NIGHTLY 5PM TO IOPM Jeainrinv) ifie Jallawing dnt fees Kansas City Strip Steak - charbroiled angus beef TEXAS MeATLOAF - with mashed potatoes and gravy Silver King Cutlets - breaded veal cutlets sauteed in a cabernet mushroom sauce Panfried Mountain Trout - with pinenut corn relish Western Stir Fry - choice of chicken or shrimp Baked Halibut - in lemon dill butter SPINACH FETTUCCINI PRIMAVERA - sauteed in olive oil and wine LlNGUINI PAGOSA - cilantro pesto cream sauce CANNELONI E.E. - with tomato basil or white wine cream sauce BBQ SPECIALITIES - house -smoked baby back ribs, beef, pork and half chickens years SERVING PARK CITY BREAKFAST LUNCH DINNER OPEN AT 8AM 649-8284 I! t is a long tradition in the newspaper business to .use the last issue of the year as a wrap up of the year's big stories, and the first issue of the new year to offer some predictions. This is a good tradition because there is usually no news in the last couple of weeks of the year, but in a resort town, these are big papers for advertising. We've got to fill those pages some way. You missed out on my summary of the year's events because I was all worked up about the grooming standards controversy out at the cross country ski track. But if you want to avoid the predictions, pre-dictions, now's the time to turn the page. The Utah State Legislature is about to open their annual session. Predicting that they will do something some-thing monumentally stupid is hardly new. But this year, my sources have already got a line on what they are up to. Rural legislators have keyed into the move by the Oakland, California School District to recognize recog-nize "Ebonics" as a primary language. "Ebonics" is the politically-correct name for black slang. Teachers are now supposed to be teaching their classes in Ebonics "To be or not to be, now who be axin' that question?" Ebonics is obviously not a big item in Utah, but our legislators will decide that "Wewuzics" is the indigenous language of some of the weaker school systems in the state. They will require teachers to conduct their classes in "Wewuzics." Wewuzics will become the official language of the state of Utah, and all official business will be conducted in Wewuzics instead of standard English. State officials will be required to say things like "We was out to Tooele where we seen them nerve gas bombs." The legislature should be figuring out how to fund approximately $2 billion in repairs to the state's highways, mostly 1-15. More importantly, they should be explaining that the reason there is a backlog back-log of $2 billion in highway projects has something to do with their irresponsible spending decisions over the last 10 years. The governor has suggested that taxes will have to be increased, but nobody wants to get out in front of the issue. In one of those super-secret super-secret Republican meetings, the solution will be worked out. It will be controversial, and to avoid debate or public scrutiny, it will be slipped into a bill regulating the water content of pinU) beans packaged pack-aged for interstate shipment. Nobody will catch on until it is all the way through the process. After several attempts to place the entire cost of rebuilding the freeway on the Salt Lake Olympic Organizing Committee, the final bill will take a different dif-ferent approach to curing traffic congestion. The state will use $2 billion to purchase whole suburbs in Salt Lake County. They will buy up thousands of homes and tear them down, and force the former residents to move out of state. By reducing the population pop-ulation by about 250,000 people, the legislature will have eliminated the need for anything other than routine pothole repair an the freeway. Unfortunately, Utah's third-world birth rate will replace all 250,000 within a couple of years. In the end, UDOT will start construction on 1-15 as scheduled in April, snarling traffic beyond belief. Just as the normally docile citizens of Salt Lake begin to riot in the streets, Governor Leavitt will be called on a mission for the LDS Church, and packed off to East Timor or some other country nobody ever heard of except on National Public Radio. No Republican will be dumb enough to take the position as governor under those conditions, so the legislature legisla-ture will appoint a Democrat to fill the vacancy. Locally the Chamber of Commerce will have a hard time dealing with complaints about the lousy weather over the Christmas holiday. Wind, rain, bullet bul-let proof ice, gray skies and slush suggested to many visitors that all that talk about Utah powder snow is a lie. Trying to put the best face on it, the Chamber will say that, yes, it rained over the holidays, but it was a very dry rain, nothing at all like that wet rain they get in Colorado. Film Festival will be its usual delight of snarled traffic, double parking, short tempers, high anxiety, and air quality violations. With the increased popularity popu-larity of cigars, we will actually violate Federal Clean Air Act standards for the first time. The cellular phone call volume will overload the system and cause overheating and fires in switching centers. The investigator for the state that busted Park City Home Video for renting smutty videos will sneak into one of the Film Festival movies and die of a heart attack on the spot. In the traditional whining session at the end of Film Festival, a crowd of chain-smoking Hollywood types will gather on Main Street to burn their black berets in protest over the conditions of the theaters (I mean screening venues) in town. They will demand that the city council spend $10 million on additional theaters or they will move their festival elsewhere. Despite widespread public support for the idea of moving Film Festival to Greenland, the council will raise taxes to build a new 12-screen theater seating 5,000 people. The theater will be at the base of the Park City Ski Resort, eliminating all of the skier parking. Despite the new theaters, locals will still be unable to buy tickets for the festival because they are all sold in secret locations in Los Angeles three years in advance. The Flagstaff property and project, which has been hopelessly mired in the city planning process for three years, will be sold to Sun ValleySnow Basin owner Earl Holding. The next day, Congressman Jim Hansen will introduce legislation in Congress to build the entire project with federal funding as part of the process of de-commissioning military bases. Hansen will deny any connection between large campaign contributions and the special interest legislation, legis-lation, and the Utah press will be too polite to suggest that there might be anything odd about the situation. Dreadful as it sounds, this is a municipal election year. More people will file to run for mayor or city council than voted in the last election. The winners will get in on a lot of really great pre-Olympic parties, gifts, and general sucking up, and probably score front rbW'seats at rnajof events. Tt sure beats paying retail for tickets, or watching it on televisibh. In other words, it will be just another typical year around here. Summit to Summit News from the West The Aspeij Tiks An unconventional Xmas party with lots of bars You would think the jailers in Pitkin County would opt to take Christmas Day off, but many don't. For 13 years jail administrators have hosted host-ed a Christmas party for inmates forced to spend the holiday behind bars. And, apparently both jailers and inmates really get into the spirit of the event. There are boxes of handmade ornaments to hang on the tree, a banquet table to be set and steaks to be b. oiled. According to one jail warden, there is not that much difference between those who are in jail and those who aren't. And those who are separated from their families should not be forgotten. Inmates say they appreciate the effort. Putting up decorations and eating a special meal together, helped to take their minds off their troubles, they said. The celebration included gifts T-shirts reading "Property of the Pitkin County Jail." J season Hq In Mews XPBC55 r Mountain lion stumbles into an unlikely rescue It could have been a tragedy for a child or for the mountain lion, but instead this story had a happy ending. A half-starved puma staggered into a subdivision subdivi-sion in Hailey, Idaho and huddled on a resident's porch. Police advised a local school bus driver in the area not to release his passengers until the wayward cat was under control. In the meantime wildlife officers offi-cers were led on a spirited chase by he frightened beast. The two-year-old male ran in traffic, right into a passing vehicle and then toolf off toward a ranch. As darkness approached officers took a conservative con-servative tact, opting not to try to tranquilize the animal. ani-mal. The next day they continued to track the animal but held off using dogs to tree him. Jhe exhausted animal was finally found hiding undea camper shell and was taken to a veterinarian. After some antibiotics, antibi-otics, deworming and a meal he was sent to the Boise Zoo for some R and R. Jackson High wins the 'battle of the bands' One of the fiercest rivalries in Wyoming this winter wasn't among collegiate athletes but between high school musicians. Apparently both the Jackson and Cody high school marching bands had their hearts set on marching in President Bill Clinton's inaugural parade. In fact, Cody was counting on it. Throughout the year Cody band members hosted fundraisers to cover their expenses estimated to run as much as $100,000. So sure were they that they would spend Jan. 20, playing to a presidential crowd, they went ahead and purchased plane tickets totalling $47,000. But when the final decision was handed down, the invitation went to the Jackson High School band, even though they admittedly did not have a formal marching band. So while Cody students are trying to recover from the disappointment (and trying to get refunds for those tickets), the Jackson kids are practicing overtime over-time to hone a rendition of the Wyoming State song. IHfc "A. TRAIL Vail concierges take to the air to help tourists It is now possible to make reservations for a number num-ber of activities in Vail before the plane has even landed. This year, with the advent of direct flights from Newark, New Jersey to the VailEagle County Airport, Vail Associates is testing a new idea airborne air-borne concierge service. As part of the program, a concierge greets passengers passen-gers boarding in Newark, accompanies them on the flight, shows a promotional video, hands out brochures and helps fill out reservation forms for various var-ious activities. The concierge can even call ahead to set aside rental skis, make dinner reservations or line up ski school lessons. If the service meets with a positive response VA may expand it to other direct flights from Miami and New York City. School's back in session... please drive carefully. |