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Show I ONLY BUREAUCRATS NOW BEAT PATH . . . Unhappy Designer May Convert to Rat Traps ... TO DOOR OF THIS MOUSETRAP MAKER v By H. I. PHILLIPS A BETTER MOUSETRAP "TjOW ARE THINGS as of early September?" we asked the man who built a better mousetrap, this being our regular seasonal inquiry in-quiry into business conditions. "I can't quite make out," he replied, re-plied, with a glance at the paths made to his door. "The paths seem fairly active but the activity could hardly be called path-beating at this moment." "Would you say there was a slump?" "I might think so, but Harry Truman Tru-man says no." "Does he think much about mousetraps?" "You know Washington. There are experts in everything available. The President has aides who claim to be specialists in mouse habits and mousetrap trends in our economic eco-nomic system. There is a federal mousetrap commission at work now." "Has it been here?" "I think so. There has been a group here which acted like a federal fed-eral committee. It came up the paths backward, asked where it was, and immediately wanted to know where there was a good place to eat" "What did It do after eating:?" eat-ing:?" "It showed up every day at 11 and quit at 3, announcing after a week that it had studied my business thoroughly and would have an early report with a complete solution to all problems prob-lems in the mousetrap field." "You think It will find that you are prospering and that there is no cause for concern?" we asked. "I am sure of it," said the man who built a better mousetrap. mouse-trap. "The commission left in a. very happy mood and announced an-nounced nothing was worrying me." ... "Strictly on your own," we asked, "what is the real situation in the mousetrap industry?" "I am optomistic. It can't be that the country has caught all the mice. Hence the drop in demand for traps must be due to something else. People may be making old traps last longer. I had a fellow come in with some holes and ask that we build a trap around 'em." "Are you operating in the red at the moment?" "Yes, but don't let the President hear it. He would hold I am sabotaging sab-otaging public confidence. He may even say I want depression for my own selfish ends." "So what?" "Well I guess I should do some deficit-financing and expand. After all I don't want federal control of mousetraps." , The man who built a better mousetrap paused a moment and reflected. "I shall have to style my mousetraps," he resumed. "I must bring out smarter models with startling new innovations. Streamlining might help and possiDiy some iiieviitniiua.! ue-vices ue-vices that will make It possible to bait a trap by pressing a button. but-ton. This will cost a lot of money, but I can borrow it or something." i "Have you thought of turning out V' a trap with fewer holes?" we asked. "Wouldn't half as many holes mean that people with mice would need twice as many traps?" "Aha!" exclaimed the M.W.B.A. B.M., showing us the door. "I: knew it. You are one of those economic eco-nomic experts direct from the capital. cap-ital. Scram!" We scrammed. . VANISHING AMERICANISMS No, I never go away for the summer. sum-mer. Not with a climate like New-York. New-York. You can have either the meat or the fish course the price is about the same. ... I give the kid a quarter allowanceand allow-anceand he saves 15 cents a week out of it. Forty necklaces, bracelets, i rings and brooches, one worth $90,000, were in the loot taken by the bandits who stuck up the Aga Khan and the Begum. This leaves them down to their last five tons of Ice. After relieving them of their diamonds, dia-monds, do you suppose the bandits; said, "Now drive carefully, as youi are operating with dimmers." President Truman received IOC1' boys at the 'White House recently and showed them around. He explained ex-plained to them how it feels to: grow up and have to live ,Jn hot water. Can you remember Away back when they turned around to look at a daring bathing suit? "I'd like to see a return of blood, sweat and tears to economics." BERNARD BARUCH. Instead of bunk, debt and leersT |