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Show 8 THE SIGNPOST Wednesday, May 16, 1990 CHILI (continued from page 7) my wife's pleadings. "No, no, not again!" she cries. "Please, if there be a god, don't let it happen again!" It's a sad sight: my wife clinging to my pant leg, dragging behind me and stripped of her pride, as I plod along the tile floor like Frankenstein, moaning with my arms outstretched as I stalk towards the rotating weanie rack at the rear of the store. School children and old women stumble in their haste to get out of the way. Tears roll down my wife's face as she begs me to save my health and our bank account, but I ignore her in my zombie-like state. How long the weanie remnants have been there I don't BOOM (continued from page 6) twice as loud as the sound of a jet taking off. The vol urn e i s almost too hi gh to hear complaints from doctors, who say even brief exposure to noise levels of 115 decibels or more could cause permanent ear damage. Or to hear emergency workers. Their sirens can only crank out about 120 decibels, which is not on a competitive par with boom cars. In Los Angeles, for instance, where cars shake, rattle and roll with the music, several city ambulances have been in accidents with boom cars that didn't yield the right of way. Still, the beat goes on. Dan Wood of Rising Sun, Md., who has "about eight" speakers in his '85 Honda Prelude and a Kicker box on the back seat, counts himself among those who enjoy a good sound rivalry. "I like that it's loud, so everybody else can hear it. Try to compete with other people. See who can get the loudest stereo," says the 19-year-old Wood, who will invest $2,000 in his car stereo when he gets done with all the upgrades. He adds, "I like the bass on those Kicker speakers. It's like something's hitting the back of your head." By EDWARD L.KENNEY, NEWS JOURNAL IN WILMINGTON, DEL. Copyright 1990, USA TODAY Apple College Information Network 0 DIAMOND QUALITY MISREPRESENTATION HAPPENS IN OGDEN HERE'S JOHN'S GUARANTEE I personally take responsibility for the correct and e:rxal grading of the diamond I am representing. I promise that the diamcd being presented to you is as follows: GIA Clarity Grade GIA Color Grade Offering Price Style Number. Exact WeighL. Comments. I further s.vear to be a trained gemologist as trained by the Gemological Institute in Santa Monica, California, and have may store management approval ti"at my grading is accurate and not based on guesses or approximate comparisons of other grading systems. I swear that if this diamond is bought by this customer, that this customer may have the diamond graded al the customer's expense by the Gemological Ins; tute of America Diamond Grading Labs, and if the stone is not graded by the GIA at the same or better grade as listed above, that the store will reimburse the entire cost of shipping, insurance, and the entire cost of the Diamond Grading Lab Report (usua''y S100 to $150) and will replace the diamond at no additional cost with oe of the same weight and grade as is listed above, also to be verified by the GIA Labs. Store Name SalespersonName-position Signature of Salesperson Signature oi Management Clip this out and see who will stand behind their quality claims and sign it. Comparison shoppers buy at John's Jewelry Certified Gemologist Appraisers 3920 Washington Boulevard - South Ogden - 627-0440 - Closed Sundays Friday 10-8 Hours: 10-6, know (I understand carbon-dating experiments by the FDA have been inconclusive). Undaunted, I fork a shriveled cigar into a waiting bun, squeeze on a dab of mustard, then pump out an assortment of noxious goo from nearby cannisters: some brown "chili" mixture and hot liquid cheese of unknown origin. Later, as my wife drives me home, I wipe the last of the goo from my lips and crinkle up the foil wrapper. I feel momentarily content and satisfied, but then I become perplexed, confused and ashamed. I turn to my wife for comfort, but her gaze is fixed on the road before her. I know words could never turn her attention to me. The street lights roll by. Iam alone in my own self-created hell. It is really quite ironic, the extent of my affliction. There was a time I laughed and mocked a friend of mine who regularly consumed the chili-things, until one day I gave in and tried one. "Go on," he said from behind his empty, emotionless eyes. "Try it. It's good." It started off with maybe a chili-cheese dog a week, and then I moved on to the hard stuff: Slurpees, but that's another column. My friend and I regularly quaffed these substances, and I am glad I have finally gained the courage to admit it. Now I realize I didn't fully understand back then. Sometimes there are forces too powerful for the human soul to overcome, at least without help. Perhaps someday I will find relief from my addiction, but until then, I would advise you not to be lured by the multi-colored signs promoting chili-cheese dogs displayed at your neighborhood convenience store that only advertise empty promises. It is a one-way trip down an endless and bleak tunnel of despair. So please, next time a so-called friend presents you with a chili-cheese dog and implores you to "go ahead, try one," stand true to what you know is right and just say no. Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson NO I WONT TfE A. PICTURE OF XOU. C 1 990 Universal Press Syndicate 5-15 RESIDENCE HALL STUDENTS We would like to thank you for your support during the past academic year. We wish you luck on your finals. Have a fun and safe summer. We look forward to serving you again in the fall. Promontory Tower Dining Service Staff |