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Show Detroit Currency The man who looks for big peaches at the bottom of a basket is too confiding for this tricky world. Bell, of telephone fame, could have taken $10,000 for his invention, but he held on and made a million. Find a man in this country who isn't ready to back his assertions with a bet and you'll find that he isn't an American. One of the meanest things a man can do is to break out of a new boilerplated jail when has cost the taxpayers $20,000. The New York Commercial Advertiser says that lots of men in this country never know that they ar e alive until they get ready to die. Three weeks of surf-bathing is said to grow an entire new skin on the end of a woman's nose, while its only effect on a man is to harden his corns. Cider will be so cheap in Michigan this fall that most every person will be compelled to turn his stomach into a gallon jug to help hold the supply An Englishman thinks it a carions??? thing that we drive horses in this country to get out all their speed, and yet we use hold-back on every one of them. In all the researches at Pompeii men have failed to come across one single sign of "No Trust." Those were the days for an honest man to live in. When "Dr." Buchanan, of Philadelphia, was shaken up, the tremor extended to about 8,000 doctors who are killing sick people on his printed license. Sothern comes to this country with a funeral play and everybody laughs over it. Raymond goes over there with a bright comedy and Englishmen sit and weep. You can disguise the nail marks of petty shortcomings, but you can't putty the knotholes in the fence of a mean disposition. - [Williamsport Breakfast Table. The Concord School of Philosophy won't admit women over ninety years of age to its classes, though no one wants to be a philosopher until too old for anything else. Michigan has nearly 4,000 telephones which are crying "Hello !" on an average of ten times per day. Forty thousand "hellos!" per day is a good enough record for any State. The little smoked stained angels of Madagascar are playing mumblety-peg with American jack-knives, and the Arab of the desert trims his beard with shears made in Connecticut. The Duke of Wellington has made inventory of his silver plate and finds that it foots up $1,500,000. Such a splendid opportunity to start a pawn shop should not be neglected. Men who cannot whistle would die in a year if cast away on an uninhabited island. A whistler would live from twenty to thirty years, and the island would teem with peace and plenty. George W. Childs is going to build a house costing $175,000. That is, he is to get into a place where he can't take an hour's comfort, because he can't put his feet on the window-sills and mantles. And Iowa cattle dealer recently sold $65,000 worth of horned cattle at one time. This almost paid the year's interest on his land mortgage, and his wife lives in hopes of a new pair of shoes. They are always bragging of their fat meats in England, but now turn about and complain that American beef is too fat to cook well. Somebody wants to post Jon Bull on what "too thin" means. When Jim Keene figured up that he had lost a round million dollars in the wheat traffic he sent out and bought a box of cigars costing $100. Some of us would have wilted right down to a clay pipe The King of Bavaria is the right sort of a man; his money has established twenty-one brass bands. What is life without music, and where is any better music that that furnished by a good brass band? When the press of this country will do one-half the free advertising for a widowed seamstress that it will for an immoral actress, a great start will be made toward burnishing up the jewel of consistency. The Detroit Free Press man is writing a delicious bit of autobiography called "Early life in the Michigan State Prison." - [Boston Journal Couldn't you keep still until your department had been reached? Olive Logan says that the first duty of a girl on finding herself ugly-looking and ungainly is to cultivate such a sweet temper that some one will be certain to marry her. Olive forgets that we buy eggs on sight. The husband who mysteriously disappears for years and turns up after his wife is comfortably settled down with another man has always been and always will be until the public begin riding him on a rail, instead of weeping over him. |