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Show DETROIT CURRENCY. <br><br> Spring umbrellas are on the rise. <br><br> Have patience - that obelisk is coming. <br><br> Now is the season for boys to go West and slaughter Indians. <br><br> Georgia intends to grow one million 50-pound watermelons this year. <br><br> Seventy-five cents' worth of crude ore will make $200,000 worth of watch-springs. Lot's ore and ore. <br><br> No man cam come upon a sign of "Keep off the grass" without feeling a spirit of defiance clear down to his heels. <br><br> It is estimated that a handsome woman weeping before a jury has more effect in five minutes than two hours' talk. <br><br> The conscience fund of the treasury is growing all the time, but it is fear, and not honesty, that compels restoration. <br><br> Railroad eating houses in Connecticut employ religious waiters altogether. They won't talk back when the coffee is called "slop." <br><br> A New York farmer has beeen [been] trying to invent something to take the place of hop-poles, and the mental strain has made him a lunatic. <br><br> "Bet you two to one that I don't go to prison," said Mr. Walker, of Illinois, and he out with a pistol and [banged a bullet into his head. <br><br> Krupp, the German gunmaker [gun maker], has orders ahead for 3,000 cannon, and yet all the crowned heads are writing daily letters to each other. <br><br> The Modern Argo says that the frogs were the first to organize leap-year parties. Yes, and they were the inventors of the bellows, too. <br><br> If the white paper ring is busted, every man in the country will have occasion to rejoice, for it is a ring which robs even the school-boys. <br><br> When the news reached Russia that Beaconsfield was a goner, several gentlemen of high renown said they wouldn't go home till morning. <br><br> Prof. [Professor] Huxley says it is just as safe as to marry on a three weeks' courtship as to wait longer. Each side will conceal all faults as much as possible anyhow. <br><br> The author of "Is Life Worth Living?" is said to be so solemn-looking that he couldn't laugh if paid for it. What he lives for is a secret of his own. <br><br> Those treasury girls will learn, after a few more Christiancy cases, that true happiness can only be found in marrying young men on a very small income. <br><br> Watch every Congressman who seeks to delay or strangle the free paper bill. It will be the duty of every honest man to help defeat such men at the polls. <br><br> William Penn was no doubt a very honest man, but for all that he exchanged six hatchets and a gun for enough Indian land to make one big country. <br><br> Two or three centuries hence the name "angel" may still endure, but the artist who illustrates them with bare feet and robes flying, will be hooted at. <br><br> The biggest bustle of the season was detected at the Custom House in New York the other day. A steamship passenger had forty yards of broadcloth wrapped around her. <br><br> How foolish for artists to represent Cupid as the god of love, when we all know that an old stocking full of money has more influence than forty Cupids crowded together. <br><br> A Vermont man spent 120 successive days in trying to run down and kill a fox, and when at last he got sight of him and filed a shot the bullet killed a $200 horse and the fox sloped away. <br><br> If you get on the right side of the King of Siam he will decorate you with the Order of the White Elephant. If you get on the wrong side he will decorate your grave with a pumpkin vine. <br><br> A Boston paper thinks there ought to be a law in this country to compel every girl who is engaged to wear a red bow at her throat. That wouldn't do a bit of good. Every girl would wear one. |