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Show WNU Srrv SrrvThe The Bis Big B g C CityFree City CityFree ty Free Wxrnlne Warning to Categoers Cafegoers Those ThosesUrrers Thosestirrers Thoseitlrrers sUrrers stirrers you get with your high highball highball highball ball are not sanitary Nearly Nearlyeveryone Nearlyeveryone Nearlyeveryone everyone sticks the things Into their theirkissers theirkissers theirkissers kissers or runs them over their teeth teethand teethand teethand -and and - and the bartenders have no way wayof wayot wayof of sterilizing sterlllzmg them before passingthem passingthem passing | them on to the next patron patronSuggestion patronSuggestion patronSuggestion Suggestion Carry your own-they own they owntheycome owntheycome own - theycome come In s silver ver and gold The Thejewelry Thejewelry Thejewelry jewelry stores can send my com corn commissions cornmissions cornmissions missions to the Catholic Jewish and andProtestant andProtestant I IProtestant Protestant CharitiesOopsl Charities . , I Oops Oopsl I ! In Movletown Movietown there Is a'charm a charm 'charm ' , charm , ' school that teaches pet petanimals petanimals petanimals animals various stunts and man manI manners manners manners I ners The school also coaches the themasters themasters themasters masters of the pets petsColumbia petsColumbia petsColumbia Columbia Pictures boss Harry HarryCohn HarryCohn HarryConn Cohn enrolled his dog in the course courseAfter courseAfter After ten days Mr Cohn wanted to toquit toquit toquit quit because We re not gettmg getting gettinganywhere gettinganywhere anywhere I II II 1 I 1I I m sorry Mr Cohn ' . said the theinstructor theinstructor theInstructor instructor but you will have to tolearn tolearn tolearn learn that you cannot talk to your yourdogas yourdogas yourdog dog-as dog as - as though he be were an actor actoror actoror actoror or a writerIn v/nter v nter wTlter writer vnterIn / In Other Words After readmg reading readmgthe readingthe readingthe the papers about the way some so soclety soctety soclety clety ctety upstarts are behaving Bill BillSchiller BillSchiller BillSchiller Schiller memo d ' ' They 'They call them themthorough themthoroughbreds themthorough thorough breds I can call them thorough thor thorough thorough ough brats ! 1 I 1Hehehch Hehehch Heheheh Larry Storch Storch , , the Copa Copacomic Copacomic Copacomic comic overheard a man and woman womanas womanas womanas as thpv they came pame came out after witnessing wltnessmg The Lost Weekend WeekendI I m through said the man'WIth man 'WIth WIth ' With drinking ? ' ' ? she asked askedNo askedNo askedNo No movies ' ' You ve ye \ Met l\Iet l Iet Him One of those thosebores thosebores thosebores bores spoiled a party with a serIes serIesof seriesof seriesof of spineless spmeless stones storIes and loud gabFinally gab gabFmally gabFinally Fmally Finally he got up to leaveWhat leaveWhat leave leaveWhat What I need he said is a little littleshut littleshut littleshut shut eye What eyeWhat you need said Phil Brito'Is Brito 'Is Is ' is a little shut shutupl shutuplIt upl up ! It Happened Hollywood actors actorsreport actorsreport actorsreport report that it Jt happened on the Su Super Super Super per Chief the other week end A Aman Aman Aman man nobody knew kept buyingdrinksfor bUYing bUYingdrInks buyingdrinks-for buyingdrinks for drInksfor drinks-for drinks for drInks- drInks - - - for all in m the crowded club clubcar clubcar clubcar car He displayeda displayed a wallet packed packedWIth packedwith packedwith WIth $1000 1000 $1 1 $ 000 bIllsA billsA bills billsA A film . magnate was concernedwhen concerned concernedwhen concernedwhen when he passed out He helped hIm hImto himto himto to his compartment Then the pro producer producer producer ducer worried that he would be berobbedslDce berobbedsince berobbed robbed-slDce robbed slDce robbed-since since - since the limp hmp one wouldn t tthink tthink tthink think to lock himself in The pro pro- producer producer producer - - ducer took the stranger a s wallet walletfor walletfor walletfor for sate safe keeping keepmg keepmgAt keepingAt keepingAt At noon the producer joined the thedrunk thedrunk thedrunk drunk in the diner and said You Youwere Youwere Youwere were pretty tight last ! night l1ght so I Iput Iput Iput put you to bed Here s your wal wallet wallet wallet walletThe let letThe The stranger brought a wallet walletfrom walletfrom walletfrom from his own hip and said Thanks Thanksand Thanksand -and and - and here s yoursMerciless yours yoursMerciless \ Merciless 1\lereIless 1 lereIless Truth H L Mencken Menckensays Menckensays Menckensays says there are two times in every everyman everyman everyman man s life when he is thoroughly thoroughlyhappy thoroughlyhappy thoroughlyhappy thoroughlyhappyJust happy happyJust Just after he has ha , met his first firstlove firstlove firstlove love and just after he has parted partedfrom partedfrom partedfrom from his last oneThe one oneThe The Morning 1\lornmg 1 lornmg \ \ Mail 1\laIl 1 laIl Dear Wal Walter Walter Walter ter writes a reader I spent the theweek theweek theweek week end In the country I heard heardtwo heardtwo heardtwo two army horses ( which are to be becared becared becared cared tor for-th for th for-the the - th " rest of their lives livescongratulating ) congratulatmg congratulating each other-on other on other - on not notbemg notbeing notbeing bemg being mere GIs G I s sSaddest - Saddest Story of the " fleek "eek eek Beek Les LesBrown LesBrawn LesBrown Brown Brawn the bandleader brought It Itin itIn itin in It s the saga of the high wIre wIreartist wireartist wireartist artist Poor chap He Hejumped Hejumped Hejumped jumped 50 feet straight up into mto the theaIrgrabbed theairgrabbed theair aIr-grabbed aIr grabbed - grabbed a trapeze-clJd trapeze clJd trapeze-did did trapeze - did 25 fast fastfI fastfi fastfl fI ps-and ps and ps - - and caught the trapeze be between between between tween his teeth-wIth teeth wIth teeth - - with no hands ' Imagine Imagmel ! Then he tried it ita Ita ita a second time hme-missed-and hme missed and time-missed-and time - - missed - and fell to tothe tothe tothe the stage with a crash that rocked rockedthe rockedthe rockedthe the theater The producer helped helpedthe helpedthe helpedthe the battered performer to his teet feet teetput feetput feetput put him rum m in a chair and said You YoudId Youdid Youdid dId fine-and fine and fine - - and then you had to louse louseit louseit louseit it up by getting slapst cky ckyi ckyiBroadway ! Broadway Glossary Bartender BartenderThe BartenderThe BartenderThe The one guy at the bar br : ! who kno vs vswhat vswhat vswhat what he be s doing domg Marquee Any Anyactor Anyactor Anyactor actor s heaven Chanteuse Not Nota a singer smger Maestro Corniest Corniestmember Corniestmember Corniestmember member of the band Ingenue IngenueChorus IngenueChorus IngenueChorus Chorus girl who is Going PlaceswIth Placeswith Places -wIth wIth - with the producer Romance RomanceWhen RomanceWhen RomanceWhen When he picks up the check checkLove checkLove checkLove Love When she does Man Manager Manager Manager ager Au Auunsuccessful An * " unsuccessful bookmg booking bookmgagent bookingagent bookingagent agent Critic District attorney attorneyInvited attorneyinvited attorneyinvited Invited to the crime Stagehand StagehandOff Off stage pnma prIma donna Pals PalsThe PalsThe PalsThe The penalty penally of success Loyal Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty ty Being true to someone on topBy topBy top topBy By Line Lme What has ruined ruinedmore ruinedmore ruinedmore more wr ters than hooch Luck LuckThe LuckThe LuckThe The other fellow s formulaQuotation formula formulaQuotation Quotation 1\1arksman 1 1arksman \ Marksmanship hlp A Karr KarrFnendshlp KarrFriendship KarrFriendship Fnendshlp Friendship between two women IS ISalways isalways isalways always a plot against agamst each otherA otherA other otherA A Dumas All women desire desireto desireto desireto to be esteemed they care much less lessabout lessabout lessabout about being respected H Mur Murrow Murrow Murrow row Wast Wsl : ! ngton D C is the na natlonal national natlonal tlonal tional he hendquarters he\dquarters he dquarters ' \ dquarters of three partiesthe partiesthe parties -the the - the Democratic the RepublIcan RepublIcanand Republicanand Republicanand and the Cockta 1 I Ano Ana i 1 Civil CivilztIon Civilzation Civilzatlon ztIon zation : ! is the slow process of gradu gradually gradually gradually ally falling falImg in line with the Vlslondry visionary Vlslondryideas visionaryideas visionaryideas ideas of minorities M C Ban Bannmg Banfling Bannmg nmg fling A handsome rran Iran man .caret-Illy .caretIlly .caret caret Illy .caretIllystorLd , . caref.lly careflly caref.llystored caref-lllystond caref lllystond - - . storLd stored and Nfr refr r ' fr gerated youth |