| Show I pp and I ap th T ne e II t. t Wires of of His Majesty the Kaiser Is Friederich Pop Pop- r the Voice S Said id er r Listen Popper d You Let Me Have I R Now Gren Gren- I Hers liers Bis S Saturday a alek ak lek elf k I IBY BY MONTAGUE GLAS GLAsby GLASS GLASS' GLAs r Illustrations by Briggs rigg t Bright 1916 The Tribune j tl The e New N w York Tribune Tri une p. p Morgan Is r right Louis Louisy y y y the tie real said The should arres em jem eni for butting I conversations What That is ismy isse se emy my explaining something over i hone one when just as it looks like Icier lder i r is s going to be believe eve me Zap aU says Number please and ande eshe e gives me back my party as ash ashad had d time to check up my Ir talking to to his bookkeeper pg ig up my letters and for all the telephone do does s me in ular matter Robert Rooert ight just so well wel of never never in in- tat Cat all aU J pt's at's ats ts t's the idee you got ab about ut I telephone telePhone business Birsky apr appt pp the waist manufacturer Ir t. t ml maybe you are built differ differ- app pp Birsky said but Ive I've ver very ery sensitive sensitive and be talking the truth ex- ex people could tell it O on my face er tand so if I I couldn't speak the We phone occasionally without abutting in I wouldn't do no ess essat at all Lr ire 1 I know said but on ther hand Birsky If you are lies over the phone Birsky he he police butts in and listens rl then that's something else f Aint it I hat at do you me mean n the police cried indignantly If I am once in a while over the phone a I aint such miel that I dont don't know enough of tsay say things where the police Ido Iilo me something for it I am real estate business but butt butta t tJ- tJ ta a crook crool exactly I say you was was was' pro pro- what right has the to listen when decent reable reble re- re able ble people is talking over the J demanded e Ie police claim they aint f n nt t t got no right Birsky asked nt listening to decent respect- respect people talking over the phone explained And since the po po- lears both ends of the telephone Birsky they should Ito to know And anyhow Birsky g something over the telephone wouldn't like the police or family to hear is like writing thing In strictest confidence on postcard Sooner or orthe orthe the secret will leak out yun and so r I aint wasting no io rachs rach- rach s on such people Birky All I ay is the poor police is got got my m athy Ive I've been put on b f myself Birsky and so fa fat far fatI I hears nothing that made me meto meto I Ito to be a policeman and listen to lone ione conversations iu didn't got the mazel to listen listene e right kind of conversations y said If U you would be sitting 3 Potsdam office of the Berliner- Berliner fur u. u Fern- Fern and all of a sud sud- here comes come a long distance call in France where a at t says Is that you popper I Ier Ier Ier er you would sit up and take noha nolin no- no lin ha in especially where you hear the old man aint so tickled to from his son neither J lu Ju what js s it now he says isten Asten popper the voice says 1 l I i I 2 1 I t. t I He aint ain got no friends friends hes he's hes s 's a judge of of the United St States t s supreme court This is Friederich popper popper How How is I I your cold popper And right away the old man goes goes' up in the air If you are going to ring me up to find out how my cold is at 8 8 marks I GO 50 for three minutes he says I might just as well got pneumonia with lith a professor and two trained purses and save money If that's all you rung me up um urn I tell central she give you the wrong number and hang up the receiver II I Aber listen popper the voice I says I want to ask you something a particular favor Could you let me meI have now have now grenadiers bis Saturday Saturday Saturday Sat Sat- a week I Why I just give you you grenadiers grenadiers grenadiers gren gren- last Saturday the old man manI says You dont don't mean to told me you already blew em all in in I Listen popper what is j jI grenadiers Never mind the old man says grenadiers is grenadiers I What do you think I am MADE of grenadiers grenadiers' And Aud Just then the telephone telephone telephone tele tele- phone makes a noise like I and another voice says Listen Mr Metzger this is the grand duchess of Could you send me over two pigs pig's knuckles as Im I'm expecting company for lunch And Metzger says If I would have a pigs pig's knuckle in the place I would also got company for lunch and I would be the guests I could send you some very fine synthetic pigs pig's knuckles made by the Standard Pharmaceutical Specialty company of Mannheim l and the telephone goes again and once more you hear the old man talking Positively the best I could do IsI is isI isI I would ship you 2000 fourth class reservists and you got to make em last anyhow ten days he says When I 1 was your age a thousand dragoons went as far with me as an army corps does with you ou And another thing dont don't send your home no nomore nomore nomore more chateau furniture The palace is cluttered up something terrible already al al- al- al ready It might be interesting to listen to that kind of talk admitted if It was true Its anyhow as true rue as some of the conversations the police has sworn to hearing Birsky retorted And I wouldn't be willing to swear that it didn't take place neither For Fo that matter Birsky said to Q I t i i i f I w I M f 2 F f t lawyer a couple hundred dolta dollars rs he should offer In evidence a tele- tele I I C phone in instrument strument r it would be interesting to listen to some conversations which didn't take talt place but not because the feller ring ringing ring ring- ing jug up didn't try hard e enough I mean Birsky that if It you you you-ou d' d be listening in to the Washington central central cen cen- office you might hear every day somebody saying Just tell him a friend would like to speak mit him He aint got n no friends the secretary sec see says hes hos a judge of the United Unit Unit- I ed States supreme court He never had none before he lie was 1 I of I. I 4 I rt H Could you send me over two genuine pigs' pigs knuckles a Judge of the supreme court neither neith neith- er r says the voice t talking through is its teeth Could a voice got teeth Birsky red V This voice could replied In fact Birsky not only has this voice got teeth but its it's grinding em Who will I say rung him up up- up the secretary says a Put him on the wire and Ill I'll tell him the voice answers The judge never l lets ts nobody tell him nothing which come up in its regular order on the general calendar calendar cal cal- the secretary says Then ask him what lila his principles is in the way of the voice says breaking two wisdom teeth and a gold crown Ordinary men has got principles the secretary says but judges has got only precedents Aint he got no opinions neither the voice asks If you want his opinions on pre pre- the secretary says you must got to submit affidavits cases points briefs and memorandums of authorities and settle the ganze gauze on thirty days' days notice in writing to William J J. J Bryan Henry lenry Ford the German-American German alliance and the New York Evening Post satisfaction lie he heg And that's all the got g t out of James J J. J Hughes concluded Well SWell what co could ld you expect Birsky Birsky Bir Bir- sky commented The supreme court of the United States aint took Judicial judicial Judi judi- cial notice of the f fact ct that telephones has been Invented yet If you want to talk to a judge judge of of the United States supreme court over court over the long distance telephone you would got to go goto goto goto to Washington n and pay a lawyer a couple hundred dollars he lie should offer in evidence a telephone instrument instrument instrument ment get it marked exhibit ex ex- ex hibit A for the purpose of identification tion prove how it works by six uninterested witnesses submit briefs and andIn andin In III J January nuary 1920 they would hand d down wn a decision Motion d denied without without with with- out costs They aVe are similarly up to the in the matter of employers employers' employ employ- ers ers' liability pure food laws minimum minimum mini mini- mum wages referendum and recall Just the same there is Washing Washington ton telephone conversations which might be Interesting to listen to continued For instance if it you would be at the Brooklyn end of the wire some day you would hear a feller feller felt fel fel- fel lIeI ler calling up and say Suppose the tile carburetor Is flooding flood flood- ing she must positively be ready to sail by 6 G We are already a month behind schedule in our ma rua- Aber Mister the admiral admiral ad ad- miral says she is missing something terrible Half the time she only hits hitson hitson on two cylinders She needs a new rudder a new fighting top new nev felt washers on the rear wheels and two of or her inch 16 guns has shrunk so we couldn't get even size 15 16 5 S shells into them All Alt right he says Ill I'll send you youa a court marshal for trying to my administration What are you talking nonsense nonsense- court marshal the admiral says I you a letter last month telling you all about it Y You u wrote me a letter Danielson says the admiral says and I also wrote you a postcard saying how about that letter I wrote you If I aint mistaken th the postcard was a a. aview aview view of the East river and Blackwells Blackwell's Blackwells Blackwells Blackwell's Black Black- wells well's island bridge from the navy yard Goon Go on Go on talking Danielson says Next thing you'll remember you sent me a valentine and a Easter greeting but I dont don't care if you sent me a whole assortment of postal cards with everything on em in colors from Grants Grant's tomb to the tile statute of liberty the the ship must be ready to go go- goto to sea tonight or therell there'll ther ll be an admiral 62 good mechanic sober careful desiring desir desir- ing lug position as admiral city or country call or write Admiral Navy Yard Brooklyn and dont don't you forget it Goodbye Well that's what comes from working for somebody which is a new beginner in his business Birsky said Say replied If It you OU are working in a United States job joh Birsky Bir sky your boss has never had more as three to four years' years experience and sometimes he lie is such a new beginner that if for instance he would be secretary secretary sec see of war he aint been in his new position long enough to get stationery printed and writes his orders to the commanding general of the United United States States tes' tes army on letterheads letterheads letterheads letter letter- heads reading Telephone W. W l Main lain ain Home Telephone 61 R Prospect j 7 PHOENIX FEATHER COMPANY N Newman J. J Becker Prop Manufacturers of ot MILLINERY NOVELTIES NOVEL I Cleaning Aigrettes Aigrettes Paradise and Ostrich Ostrich Ostrich Os Os- a Specialty 66 North North- Avenue Cleveland O. O Cleveland 0 19 Washington D D. C C. May 19 Col Harris 1 upon arrival in United States will report to commanding command command- ing general department department de de- de- de for duty as inspector of qt that department I think youre you're mistaken Birsky said Secretary of War Var Becker Beck Beck- I er used to was in the law business not the feather leather business Well the feather business wouldn't have disqualified him con continued contin contin- tin When being for years an editor of pr a newspaper is considered a good experience fox for fora a secretary secretary-ot the navy Birsky it if wouldn't surprise me if Instead instead instead In in- stead of a feather dealer Birsky Mr Ir Becker would of been curing stammering stammering stam stam- mering in twenty lessons for a living or running a a chain of schlag stores Th The point I am making is that if it you would listen to a conversation when he is ringing La Paloma or Conchas Finas Mexico it would sound something something some some- thin thing like this this- Hallo general couldn't we hear nothing from you once in a while but reports of of- typhoid inoculation We aint sending Ameri American an soldiers to Mexico just to get vaccinated exact exact- ly y Listen Mr Becker the general says if you would be running an army as long as me ale you would know know- it that these things take time An my az-my is a business the same I like any other business Becker I says Day after da day I get nothing from you I but health reports If you think you are sent down to Mexico to run a boys' boys summer camp with special attention to safety and comfort waterproof I tents and floors all land and water sports tramping trips horseback riding rid rid- ing lug and and camp physician you are making a big mistake But Mister Ilster Becker Becker Becker- the general general general gen gen- eral says II But NOTHING Becker shouts at him liim Dont write me no more letters about the health of oJ our soldiers gen gen- eral Just look after the health of Villas Villa's soldiers and be sure aure that its it's bad Well what's the matter with that kind of talk ta-lk Birsky said supposing he lie would of been in the feather business business busi busi- ness Nothings the matter with it said Its the kind of talk a busin business businessman ss man would make even if he lie wouldn't know no more of f what he was talking talking talking talk talk- ing about than than than I Than a feller by the name in the waist business Birsky concluded concluded con con- con I eluded |
