Show Round Merry-Go-Round By DREW PEARSON and ROBERT S. S ALLEN Editors Editor's note The Brass Ring is good for forone forone forone one free ride on the Washington Merry Merry-Go- Round and has already been bestowed upon the president and his secretary of state Today's Today's Today's To To- days day's free rider is th the secretary of war Harry Woodring WASHINGTON WASHINGTON Nicest Nicest and most inoffensive man in the Roosevelt cabinet is Harry Woodring Woodrin accidental secretary of war Harrys Harry's life has been just one accident after another Harrys Harry's first big political accident was the rift between Kansas Kansas' Republicans in 1930 which found liberal Governor Clyde Reed at odds with conservative John Hamilton now chairman of the Republican national committee While their backs were turned Harry sneaked into the governors governor's chair in Topeka The next accident occurred in 1933 when Pat Malloy of Oklahoma was offered the job of assistant assistant assistant assist assist- ant secretary of war and being in a high-hat high mood refused only to wake up next morning with terrible pains of anguish to find that the Vacancy vacancy vacancy va va- cancy had been given iven to Harry Woodring Accident No 3 occurred with the death of the secretary of war George Dern and accident No 4 followed close on its heels when the president discovered a law providing that no acting secretary secretary secre scene tary of war could remain acting for more than 30 days So with other things to think about in inthe inthe inthe the middle of the 1936 campaign Roosevelt made Harry his his- bona fide secretary of war Everyone expected that the president would reshuffle his cabinet after reelection and that Harry would be shuffled out But here the stork played into Harrys Harry's hands He and his lovely young wife the daughter of Senator Marcus Marcu Coolidge have been so busy havin having haying hav hay in ing babies that the president being rather a paternal person hasn't had the heart to transfer Harry elsewhere Accidental Air Junket Other accidents have occurred in the life of Harry Woodring and one of the more recent ones has been bringing him a lot of acclaim This is the trip of the six giant army bombers to Buenos Aires The state department put it up to him several weeks weeks' ago and urged that the planes be sent to President Ortiz's inauguration as a move to offset Bruno Mussolini's flight But Harry said no Then by the sheerest accident a newspaper newspapermen men who writes for various South American newspapers thought of the idea of sending bombers bomb bomb- ers to Argentina and went vent to the state depart depart- ment It replied that the idea already had been turned down by Woodring But the newspaper man knowing how things run in the war department went to Assistant Secretary of War Louis Johnson Johnson thought the idea was grand and immediately took it to the president Roosevelt was equally enthusiastic and sent senta a virtual order over to Woodring that six army bombers should fly to Buenos Aires for the in inauguration inauguration inauguration in- in of the Argentine president So next morning in general staff meeting Harry Woodring Woodring Woodring Wood- Wood ring announced the air junket to Argentina Probably not until he reads this will Harry Hairy appreciate appreciate appreciate ap ap- ap- ap the accident which caused him to get all the kudos and acclaim from sending the flying flying flying fly fly- ing fortresses fortresses' to Buenos Aires No Philippines Recently Harry has been offered several substitute substitute substitute sub sub- jobs in place of being secretary of war one of them being high commissioner to the Phil Phil- It has become so apparent that the president president president pres pres- ident would like to promote his secretary of war warto to some other job that Harry has be become ome supersensitive supersensitive supersensitive super- super sensitive about it as the guests at a dinner given by Mr and Mrs Chip Robert the other day can bear witness The blond and glamorous Evie Robert had seated Justice Stanley Reed on her right and Secretary of War Woodring on her left don dont don't t Harry she said Im so glad you care anything about rank No of course ourse not replied the gentleman on her left gulping a little and Helen Mrs Woodring doesn't either Harry Ive I've got ot to send a message to Chip at atthe atthe atthe the next table Mrs Robert continued Do you mind very much taking a message to hi him hin for forThe forme forme me i. i The secretary of war hesitated for one brief instant giving givin Justice Reed the chance to volunteer volunteer volunteer vol vol- then jumped into action Unfortunately for Harry Chip Robert seated at al another table was not as omniscient a host as as his wife thought he should be so she had to call upon the secretary of war three times during during dur- dur ing the dinner to remind Chip about this or that Finally at the very end of the dinner Chip was supposed to call upon Senator Barkley t the e euest guest of honor for a speech and Evie had to send one final remind reminder to her husband With obvious hesitation she turned to th the secretary of war for one more errand Harry dear she said would you mind very much being my ambassador ambassador- Evie never had time tim to finish the sentence To the amazement of her guests Harry Woodring Woodring Woodring Wood- Wood ring irritated and abrupt interrupted with No Evie I wouldn't consider being ambassador to any country They've asked me that before So unless dynamited out by the president himself Harry Woodring is in the war department department depart depart- ment meat for the duration of the new deal combat Copyright 1938 for The Telegram Q |