Show I Wilson Hughes and Roosevelt All Claim They Started This Here Americanism e Business As for Mr Bryan Aint It Terrible What Creeping Has Done to That F Feller ellef He Had Ism After Ism Until Now Hes He's Got One Foot in the Political Political Po Po- Grave By MONTAGUE GLASS Illustrations by Briggs Brigs Copyright 1916 the Tribune Of Ci Tile New York Tribune I see where Wilson Hughes and and Roosevelt all claim they started tins here Americanism business Louis Louia Birsky the real said to Barnett Barnett Bar Bar- nett the waist manufacturer Well VeIl if I was any anyone one of em said Id schenck the credit for forit forit it Jt to any of the others Birsky because because because be be- cause If I would be a politician B Bir Birsky ir- ir r- r sky I wouldn't got nothing to do mit mitno mitno mitno no isms Once a politician oder a statesman starts to monkey with an ism like unionism socialism militarism militarism militarism mili mili- oder Birsky for all the good its it's going to do him it might just so well be an Itis His like appendicitis appendicitis appendicitis ap ap- bronchitis ode peritonitis Take William J. J Bryan for foJ instance and that feller has had ism after ism till hes he's already got one foot in a political grave Speaking Speaking Speaking Speak Speak- ing from the standpoint of politics he heIs heis heis is now being taken round in a wheel wheelchair wheelchair wheelchair chair and when a seemingly strong healthy feller like Mr Wilson meets him on the street and goes home and says to Mrs Wilson Vilson at dinner I 1 seen old Mr Bryan in front of the drug drugstore drugstore drugstore store this afternoon Aint it territory what creeping creeping pacifism has laas Jas done to that feller Mrs Wil Wil- i inon non Don nods and says would he have another another another an an- other plate soup and dismisses it like that Birsky because little does she I f t l ff H 1 4 p j l. l tl k I i 1 l I l lr lt l t r J Ja a I I He is now being taken round In a wheel chair it il i suspect that her lier own husband has already already al al- al ready got the beginnings of acute Americanism in his system Is Americanism so terrible as all that 1 Birsky asked It aint understood as yet Birsky replied The only thing they know about it is that its it's very catching Roosevelt got it first On June he telegraphed Senator Jackson at the Republican convention in Chicago that he had It and had it good and in the early part of June President Wilson comes conies down with it in Washington and later de describes describes de- de scribes the symptoms to the West Point He said that when a feller has got dot ot Americanism he utterly utterly utterly ut ut- terly believes in tote le principles of America and puts em first above I everything Now v you know as well as I do Birsky how it is when you get a cold of a patent medicine advertise advertisement ent about floating floating float float- ing specks and pain in the tho back Bir Bir- sky So soon as Hughes read about how Americanism affects Mr Wilson Wilson Wil ViI son no ne got white to the roots of his hair Birsky which when Mr Hughes gets white to the roots of his hair Birsky the whiteness whiteness whiteness white white- ness covers considerable territory al al- al- al ready Therefore he knew right away that not only did ho have hav Amer but that lie ire had had It for years already and on June he telegraphs the Republican convention that he accepted the nomination but couldn't come to Chicago as he had Americanism mit firm protective up up- building policies and also probably mit mH shooting pains in the wrists and ankles loss of appetite and dizziness Aber without knocking socialism Its It's better that a po pol titian should have Americanism a socialism because In the whole co con continent of America there ia is on one or two climates where the po poi pol titian mit socialism could get any r rE lief Unlike some other invalids o politician mit socialism couldn't go goa go t t ta a high wild locality like Uke the lacks dacks but has lias got to find a low thic ly settled neighborhood to to take h hi socialism to otherwise Its It's fatal You are all twisted Birsky Za Zan said Socialism aint a disease Ita It Ita a remedy for a disease and the nam nara of the disease Is is' is capitalism To a politician politician Birsky sai sail saie capitalism aiu aint t a disease ita it ita a health In fact tact capitalism t ta ta a senator is like a chest to a Soldier he lie couldn't be without it New York state in lar mar Is very strict that way Betor I they would let a man be a Unite States senator from New York Zap they sound him for capitalism an anIf anif anit If it he lets out a hollow sound the pass him up The consequence i 1 that for years already every sentor sen sera tor from New York has had a cap of anyhow a million dollar which If you call such a thing a d dease dl di ease let me know where I cou cowl catch It it that's that's all Never mind Birsky salan salan sal said an ism Is an nn ism and capitalism j i like all the others The I or stateman which has It may loo politically healthy for a while b bt b sooner or later it will get the mo snot promising career Birsky the th san as militarism will Take the kaise kalse and several years ago when he b gun to have it he also felt pretty goo In his caso the first symptoms wa that he got himself appointed ho of so man many regiments dome tic and foreign that mat if it he wore t U uniforms in rotation Birsky he didget didget did get round to the same suit of cloth once in twenty five years It us use to cost him a fortune for moth bal alone alono and when he took off a pa of ot pants ho he sent It round to the tail and had a V put In the back again the time when ho was going to we weem weem weem em again However Birsky he so soc got tired of ot admiration and It did make maleo no difference that his wife tr trl to get him to take a a. fresh tresh by saying Turn round and let letsee letsee n see the back I think that poplin peplin e feet of the 84 2nd regiment Lipp Schaumburg nation guard which y yc have on is awful becoming to yo popper Why dont don't you you wear it aga soon soon say say a year from next July it didn't do no go goo and he quick passed Into the seco reco or speechmaking stake of his trouble Speechmaking always seems to 1 a symptom that a fellers feller's got an Is Js the matter with him Birsky co cor Continued on page 7 ION soM HUGHES AND A ROOSEVELT CLAIM THEY STARTED THIS AMERICANISM page 5 3 d Although its it's usually the ot of the trouble h first and only stage in s some me r. r liia old Mr Bryan olaT olay hash- hash lt OOs Zap Zap-p said aber Maber with the theer Veria v er le seems to have haTe that of f Ms his ism n. n There was a time 1 about three years yeas ago when couldn't pick tip up a paper with without ut how hew the kaiser addressed tho b Prussian Wurtemburg and Pfalz fe-Pfalz Commercial Travelers' Travelers asT as- as T aHon or some such organization nailed fist Oder odor the thre Jor r something ng but nowadays the tho feller dont don't open his ii month at heT her Birsky Binky ask asked d. d JJ every politician mit suit an sn ism would ism isis tried tiled out ant on him the II lithe the kaiser aLser has even felt fel- fel t socialism would keep quiet hat speech which the tha kaiser El ito to get off oft a few years ago about Urea sh should d attend to th the three t kucho and kinder and kinder and enli aH an other ollier jobs to the men folks We jha ha be had a a. pretty good nerve to I it 11 even In them days day when thou- thou la le of ot German women was vas not only I ding to the church the cook- cook 1 End tha tIm children but was also atI at- at I g to the coal mining the farms farmland farm farm- rand s land This the street sweeping not riot to toa MOO a few hundred other Jobs di ih b. b in America we consider such 1 for a native born citizen we hand em over to ta big from Hungary and Poland yet Tet when over in G Gee Ger- t fI en is running the streett street t I the electric light plants and g the heavier work wort that the old tira of 85 and 90 a aint lt up tip to exact- exact the tie rolling mills and foundries J If a loyal German subject has haste te a letter to the emperor em and Himself using a word worn beginning fax IK ho bo tries to toof l I of f a substitute W word rd beginning 5 a aZ Z or a W so BO as not to th embar- embar V the poor embar I le i should ought to be embar- embar said A feller which w prang the th way the kaiser worked et every man fro from 16 to 60 to to toone one me a a. soldier Birsky should figure in advance what is Kilo gith happen to other businesses aes es es' the soldier business In case casee e turns out ont per cent Also Birsky if all the from 16 to 60 is fighting as sol sol- rand all th the women is busy mit ches 8 cook cooking and children Biri Bir- Bir i did he expect is going to the street cars and the electric plants anyway I isum Tapp A feller mit an ism lam one to expect his scheme schema rig ing to turn out ont per cent suc- suc mI Birsky said In fact jl kaiser credit that when war ar happened pp ned and e lie begun to I hat x r h he said and did m in ln the militarism m to bring it t ab Jut ut I Ws his feelings flings toward the I thing Was For the lov love of 1 70 you take teke a joke Yes Yes- all la them lam Ism fellers is the s I way When they talk ot of sa out t. t un per cent Americanism me If Happens where they've got make ake 1 good their words I tand they all a claim an al al- sIs P e ot of e. e 50 Per cent dIscount for H we e j 1 know 0 said aber abcs I ler mit militarism and Ameri- Ameri a marker arker in that respect lelIer mit t socialism For years the Ithe mayors of cities In Ger- Ger f France ranee England Austria and bees been getting writers' writers cramp Ing permits for socialists to k 1 street corners about how lists BIS of the world is going to to too shoulder In case of and that there should erl eral t. t strike and that tha r a a on so 80 f ii 4 I j i f 1 They sound hi him m for fop capitalism I t t was a brother even It if he would j be a German or an Englishman as asI the case may be Birsky and when I the war breaks out Birsky what happens hap pens A German socialist shoots an English socialist mit the same enjoyment enjoyment en en- like the poor feller would be John D. D Rockefeller and vice versa and as for standing shoulder to shoulder Birsky when Dr Lieb Lieb- wanted to make good on it he found tha that thal it takes anyhow two socialists so to stand shoulder to shoulder and the last I hear he is sitting In Jail in Germany waiting for a shoulder to come along Well them socialist fellers was up against an out and out per cent centI and English English- ism Birsky said and they con couldn't help themselves The German German German Ger Ger- man socialists probably wanted to say that In the trouble with France there was something to be said In favor of France too aber when the kaiser shouts consists in utterly believing In in the principles of Germany and putting them principles plea pIes first above everything stand the socialists didn't to figure that maybe France could also got principles No doubt there was plenty of German socialists which had hadan hadan hadan an idee that if the kaiser had believed believed be be- in an in and out instead of an out and out consisting of ot 80 per cent 19 per cent internationalism and 1 per cent benzo benzo- common sense Birsky a war warIn warIn In Europe might have been avoided aber because the kaiser said When the world finally discovers that Germany Ger Ger- many is then the world will learn how truly and profoundly great and powerful Germany Is yun d tha the socialists oci felt tb that t i it wasn't right to d disagree gre with their theli fellow Germans about it it Who told you the kaiser says such I things about Germany de do Why you did didn't you Binsky Birsky Bin Bir sky replied Me I never said no such thing cried Indignantly What you are saying the kaiser says about Germany Germany Germany Ger Ger- many was what President Wilson says about America Well what Is the difference who says it about what Birsky continued The results would be thes amo ame anyhow anyhow anyhow any any- how aber if it President Wilson says or the kaiser says Americanism or consists in utterly believing believing believing be be- lieving in the principles of all nations na na- na- na and putting pulling them principles principles prin prIn- first above everything stand then that gives a couple nations nations na na- na a show to argue about their principles before they go to war over em pm because there is German Gennan prInciples principles prin prIn- which is Just so good as American Ameri Amen can principles and there is Mexican principles which aint so 80 bad neither Furthermore Mr Wilson says what he lie said about America being its it's just so easy for a whole nation to be all all wrong as all all right rIg Tell me Birsky said what are you driving into I an am driving into this Birsky Birsky Bir fir sky said If all that stuns is AmerIcanism Americanism Ameri Amen when Mr Wilson and Mr Hughes says It what is it when the kaiser says it replied Birsky con con- Then that settles it eluded It aint an ism lam Its It's an Itis and ind the sooner Mr Wilson and Mr gets cured of ot it the better Am I 1 right or wrong wrong wrong- |