OCR Text |
Show JIMMY, THE NEWSBOY, SEES SATURDAY NIGHT CROWD "Say," eald Jimmy, the newsboy, when he met The Telegram man today, "did you ever look over the mob that hikes up and down Main street on a Saturday night? You haven't? Well, you've missed a better bill dan dey pulls off at de vaudeville bouses. "Say, ain't it funny, but you take a man dat's trot a disposition like a lamb and start him out on Saturday. What's .de result? Why. after a few drinks he wants to challenge Jeffries. Why, deyve got boote Jn dis town dat would make a rabbit go out and fight a bulldog. "Do dey feel to the bad the morning after. Hully gee. I should say it was a case of r-e-m-o-r-s-e. But' den dis is Saturday night. Den, like- the poet says, it's a case of: ' " 'Wine and women, mirth and laughter. laugh-ter. Sermons and soda water the day after.' "Say. ain't it strange how many folks know one another on a Saturday night. Every time some swell goil passes along the street It's a 100 to 1 shot dat some guy knows her. 'You know we met.' he says. 'I've forgotten your name, but I can't forget such a pretty face. Let's see, wasn't It In Pocatello I met you?' "Does a girl permit 1a man to speak to her that way without an Introduction? Introduc-tion? Sure t'ing dat is. If she is from Pocatello. "Den look at de number of married guys dat always have a lodge meeting or are kept busy at de office on Saturday Satur-day night. Dese fellows are de goods when it comes down for being 'sports.' Take dem off of de home reservation and dey sail out wid de tide and never look back to see how far from land dey are. "Den along about midnight dey all begins to look for 'squarers' to take home. Dese 'squarers' range all de way from a pair of roller skates to a patent washine machine. "Den when the lights commence to get low all de guys begin to talk about my wife.' Say, each has got de best in de world at a distance, eh? If dey're so stuck on de one dat stays home, why don't dey kind of keep her company com-pany a bit? "But say, I heard a good one up to de Kenyon hotel. Dey was a lot of big guys 'kiddin' ' one another in de lobby. Den de talk turned on women sellln' kisses :it a church fair for 'sweet charity's char-ity's . sake.' Well.' says one guy, 'I fought dat was a good wrinkle, so when I gets married two vears ago I tells my wife dat I'll hand her a dollar every time dat I kisses her like-1 did when she was doing one of dese church basaar propositions like I'm tellln you about. ." That'll be fine.' she says. 'I'll put the money In a bank and at the end of two years we'll have enough to build a house of our own, eh, dearie?" and I kisses her $10 worth right den and dere. "Well, I stuck to de proposition all right and hands up a one-spot each time. De two years was up yesterday. " 'Well.' says de rest of de gang, 'how much did you have saved up?' 'I ain't exactly sure.' says de guy, 'it was like dis. I gets de key to de bank and starts to count up de coin. Gee, dere was de greatest bunch of one dollars, silver and paper, I ever see. Den dere was a hellofaiot of $5 and $10 and even $20. Dis got me doing de guessin' act, as I never put in anything but a dollar dol-lar in de bank at one time in de two years. . " 'Say, Mary," says I to me wife, 'where did all dese V's and X's and XX's come from?' " 'What did she say?' says de gang. " 'What did she say?" repeats de guy; 'why. she turns to me and says: " ' "Jawn. you don't tink every man is as stingy as .you are, do you?" So it's me for the divorce route tomorrow on de ground that ignorance is bliss, and she had no right to let me get at de bark first.' "What did the rest of the gang say? Hully cee. dey all 'hiked' home in every direction without waiting for a rhapsody on the cash register. Maybe dere are a lot of other banks in town, eh? S'lonj." |