Show With a Nod to Rudyard Kipling By Walter Winchell Sent by Douglas Dauglas Williams Ministry Ministry Min Mm- of af Information London Condon If you can keep yourself from fram going going going go go- ing crackers At all the things that youre you're advised advised advised ad ad- to tOo do da doWhen doWhen When Hitler sends his horrid air attackers With squibs and bombs to try to frighten you yau If you yau can hear the hellish banshee warning Without that sinking feeling in your breast If f you can sleep in dugouts till the morning And never feel you ought to tOo have more mare rest I If you can laugh at every blackout stumble Nor murmur when you cannot cannat find a pub If you can eat your ration and not nat grumble About the wicked price you yau pay for grub If you yau can keep depression down dawn to zero And view it all as just a bit of fun Then mister you are what they call a hero What is more more mare youre you're not nat the only anly one ane Hy Gardner relays the one ane about the Broadway booking booking book book- ing agents who wha got into inta an argument argument argument ment on the telephone One of them threatened to punch the athers ather's others other's others other's oth oth- ers er's nose nOose Next morning Agent B appeared in the office of Agent A accompanied by four faur tough looking hombres Did you bring your gang with you yau to tOo beat me up sneered Agent ANo ANo ANo A. A No was the squelcher Ive got such a terrible temper I brought them to tOo hold hald me back Woof Woof-woof Bob BOob Benchley of the was visiting a Hollywood dog dag and cat hospital in search of ofa a pooch A pal of his trying frantically frantically frantically fran fran- to tOo locate lacate Benchley to tOo deliver deliver deliver de de- de- de liver a message learned where he was and rushed there Approaching Approach Approach- ing the girl at the desk he asked Is Bob BOob Benchley of af Metro here Is he an airedale was the re retort retort re- re tort tart or spitz I It Could Happen Irving er the Chicago dept storekeeper I has few vices His chief thirst- thirst quencher however is and so before he went to a ball game he swallowed a pair of Scotches saying hold hald me for nine innings anyway The game was tied in the ninth and got very dry It was tied again in the tenth and his thirst choked him In the thirteenth thirteenth thirteenth thir thir- inning he got up and left Id better go gOo he said before I Idie Idie Idie die from nonalcoholic poisoning Form of Criticism Professor Nathan of the N. N Y Drama Critics' Critics Circle met a playwright at the Algonquin hotel hatel yesterday a chap whose manuscript Nathan had promised to tOo look over instead of af overlook The Regal One shook his head after reading three pages You dont don't like it sighed the writer sadly what do da you think it needs First of all Nathan replied Id suggest perfume Ouch At a joynt in the last night a group graup of af wisenheimers were groaning over the club flop of the year He was rolling them in the aisles meaning aisles meaning the eggs of af course His gags were either too tao filthy or ar too tao old aId to tOo be funny and andas as gag after gag fell flat lulling the audience to tOo sleep his agent walked over That guy of yours somebody said is getting away with murder You mean was the disgusted agents agent's reply suicide |