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Show ypHLPhiliipr V ELMER TWITCHELL OFF TO CO-ORDINATE "I'm off to Washington," declared TurHihoil In an unusually high state of excitement ex-citement "What for?" we asked. "I wanna be a co-ordinator," he replied eagerly. "What do you wish to co-ordl- nate?" we hopefully asked him. "I ain't particular," said Elmer. "Squat tag or leap frog would be up my alley. I was national open squat tag champion in 1928, and I have written several books on leap frog which are standard works everywhere." ev-erywhere." "But I am no slouch at lariat throwing or sack racing, either," he resumed after a moment "Nor at Indian club swinging, apple bobbing and blind man's buff." "Are they co-ordinating such activities?" ac-tivities?" we asked. "Oh, yes," snapped Elmer. "Yes Indeed. They are co-ordinating everything. ev-erything. Haven't you been read-tog read-tog about the testimony before Senator Sen-ator Byrd's committee? And this is no minor co-ordination, it's an all-out all-out co-ordination. We are the Arsenal Ar-senal of Co-ordination, from what I read." "Do you think you'll land a job?" we asked. "Why not? Everybody Ev-erybody else has. A friend of mine who has been good at card tricks has been named National Co ordinate of Parlor Games un der the OCD and Wilbur Jones, an alligator wrestler by profession, has landed as National Co-ordinator of Alligator Wrestling." "Really?" "Not only that but an appropriation appropria-tion is being asked for $150,000 for alligator pools and $75,000 for alligators." alli-gators." "Can you get alligators for that money, the kind that will really do any work?" we asked. "Yet, alligators are as a class willing to sacrifice little for the cause," explained ex-plained Elmer. "What does Mrs. Twitchell think of your working as a federal co-ordinator of rope tricks, squat tag j?lay-forth?" j?lay-forth?" we asked. "Oh, she's too busy to care," he replied. "What's she doing do-ing these days?" "She's a co-ordinator," he said. "Of what?" "Either magic lantern snows or eggplant culture, I am not sure which," said Mr. Twitchell. "She's doing weU. Great for morale, she says." "The whole Twitchell family is in on it," we observed. "Yes indeed. Uncle Chidsey has been in from the start. He's U. S. Co-ordinator of Kite Flying at a pretty good salary. He is opening kite flying centers everywhere and thinks he may get a million dollars for kites. He says that nothing bolsters up a people's morale like running around with a kite on a string. And Grandpa Lem is co-ordinating, too. He's the one who never nev-er did amount to much at anything." "What's he co-ordinating?" "Top - spinning, I understand," snapped Elmer, grabbing a train. CIVILIAN CASUALTY Helena Hoiiingsworth Honeybun To air raid meeting goes on Mon. Her bunions burst right through her shoes At fire-warden work on Tues. ' When Red Cross work arrives on Wed. Her limbs feel like a ton of lead; Helena's mind seems full of burrs From salvaging all day on Thurs. Fearless femme, she bats no eye Practicing home defense on Frl. Won't someone send on Sat. and Sun. First aid for our Miss Honeybun? Sam Michael Gevins. An insurance company has received re-ceived a claim from Corregidor for losses of watches and other items at the post exchange. And we can imagine the insurance company adjuster ad-juster looking it over and demanding demand-ing severely, "Just what happened there?" And, perhaps, after being told of the Jap attack, adding, "You will have to send us more proof." Ima Dodo found her typewriter so hard to operate that she Just threw the cover over H with the exclamation, exclama-tion, -I gUesi, the Waf Bord froM And it is Miss Dodo who has been using one typewriter ribbon so long that she could be accused of hoarding. hoard-ing. Sign spotted by Tompkins Harris in Joe Brocato's restaurant: It s Tough to Pay 55 Cents for bleak, but It's Tougher When You Pay 35. |