Show Kind Heart HeadMan HeadMan- i d Man Breaks rea s Up Tryout out Dolly Dale Seeks s to Test Conductors Conductor's Conduct When She Is Broke Nerve Fails in the End I By Dolly Dale row Now be it stated that there is nerve and nerve There is the nerve of at him who faces the cannons cannon's mouth and of him who knows that he must travel through the enemy enemy's s country when each bush and hedge concealed a hidden hid hid- hidden den danger There Is the nerve of the theman theman theman man who walks fearlessly to his fate with a firm tread and a smile on his lips Ups But there is another brand of courage It is that of the man who faces the guns trembling whose I hair stands on end with willi horror whose I lips Ups are dry and who feels the awful overpowering grip of fear upon him and who does not retreat But my nerve is none of these brands as you shall see It is simply a a. matter of choosing the lesser of two evils evila I cant can't Imagine who conceived or whore where e this brilliant Idea which I was chosen to execute first saw the light day dy Suffice It to say that I fain w w id i do o execution on something more mOTe tangible than an idea when it I was first broached to me Briefly someone was curious to know Just how conductors on street streetcars streetcars streetcars cars treated people who boarded them without legal tender to the amount that would entitle them to transportation tion and a transfer on demand It took me several days to start on my campaign of inquiry into the degree degree degree de de- de- de gree of chivalry rampant among the conductors of ot this city Someone told me that a girl once had a fine time doing the same thing All I have to say about that girl is that anyone with such uch Ideas of amusement ought to enlist en en- list They could use her to good advantage advantage ad ad- vantage antage as an aviator on the battlefields battlefields battle battle- fields of Europe As I started to say I boarded hoarded a street car with fear and trembling It was a Murray car and I did not see seethe seethe seethe the conductor until I was safely seated That conductor never collected collected collected col col- col- col my fare Pretty soon ho came along and I I asked him for a transfer 1 which he gave me I dont don't know I where he expected me mo to transfer to tou toi i u from the Murray line J Then rhen I stepped aboard another carThe car The little speech I had planned and rehearsed with such confidence and I gusto Kusto seemed to stick In my throat I remember it was something pathetic I and arid appealing annealing It was well weB calculated ted to soften the heart of or any man The conductor held out his hand Have I remarked on the size of conductors' conductors hands hands' They are really out of or the ordinary This one boasted the dimensions di dl of a young platter Very queer thing about that hand As I gazed as It it seemed to grow larger and 2nd nd larger Its final expansion was to the size of a small library table I gulped gulped l I grasped for the first word of my A 1 ell rehearsed speech Where was that word Lost in the etherial expansions of forgetfUlness The car strangely enough had not started There was vas a a. gentleman behind behind behind be be- hind me waiting patiently oh oh ven patiently The conductor was becoming becoming becom becom- ing well I shall say a little less lees amiable ami able Finally I emitted a few sounds They must have been the most appealing appealing appeal appeal- I ing of sounds Perhaps they were I words but I shall never know SUffice Suffice Suf SUf- fice flee it to say Bay that they caused the aforementioned waiting gentleman to dig Into his pocket and bring up another another another an an- other nickle For the young lady he said I stumbled to a seat with witha a a. dazed Titanic Thank you and should have been pleased to close the Incident of the waiting gentleman there But not so My seat afforded room for two and it was the champion of bankrupt bankrupt bankrupt bank bank- rupt damsels who sat beside me It seemed that he had a daughter at home about my age I can easily believe belleve be be- lieve it She might have been a good deal older also As a final refuge from these fatherly attentions I left the carThen car Then along came another car There is no refuge from them it seemed If only the employees of or the company would strike Strike just long enough to let the editor forget I never have seen so many cars in one day before as this sunny afternoon afforded This conductor was not the best natured natured na- na in the world I think he lie beats his wife and maltreats his Innocent babies It took Just one look Into his thunderous countenance to convince me of all this and of ot much more Fare please he said It is on record record record rec rec- ord that he said please though his tones never implied it I hesitated That first word was still soaring Fares please I il rI I opened my mouth and then closed it again Fares please This tone brooked no delay Therefore I gave the conductor a aI I nickle and passed parsed to a Bea seat |