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Show TALES OF HANK STOKES I By ELMER RIGDON Lasting Impression. If you sift the record of n man who is being roasted by.tho populace he will generally bo found to have certain talents tal-ents out of the ordinary. Rockefeller has rtr.oivcd more knocks than any 7 ono within recent date, and yet when it. comes to corraling real coin of the realm, it's a noble-browed lad with a thoughtful cast of couutcnauco who can beat him at his own panic. Just now there is a great dearth in this brand of noblc-browed youth. Now there was the enso of Red Riley. 31c had gone from Brazo fully a year, but when I arrived there the natives woro still talking about the pnrsimoni- ' ous manner in which lie handled the truth. It occurred to mo that a gent whose achievements arc vividly remembered remem-bered long after he faded away to other fields of endeavor must naturally have some accomplishments. From what I could gather Red's frugality in dealing with the truth was a matter of general comment, and he inspired a wholo lot of jealousy among tho local liars who were unable to copo with his weird and wondrous imagery. The envious ones look lid vantage or. an opportunity to get oven, and lie was so humiliated that he left the town in disgust. Resides posing as a fact juggler and all-around champion prevaricator, Red Riley boasted loudly of being something of a whirlwind and human cyclone in tho art of sclf-dcfouse, and Bill Askins accepted his challenge to meet him in a slugging festival. According to agreement, agree-ment, the contestants were not to grab each other by the legs, although they . wcro permitted to indulgo in sucli scientific scien-tific artistry as biting and gouging. Bill Askins did not live up to the pcdal- seizing clauso and, grabbing Red by the legs, threw him to the ground so forcibly forci-bly that he was completely oblivious to current events for several minutes. Rio Grande Charley, who acted as referee, ignored the foul and gavo tho fight to Bill. Rio Grande's star as a romancer had been dimmed by Red's picturesquo yarns and ho was against his rival on general principles. The defeated slugger slug-ger complained bitterly of how he had been tricked in an impromptu oration scintillating with choice expletives. As a piece of vituperative rhetoric it burnt holes in anything of tho kind over heard west' of the Missouri river. But Mr. Riley was in the minority and his efforts camo to naught.. Bill Askins "bragged so much about his success that Red was "broken-hearted, and ono day ho shook the dust of the town from Ins feet. Bcforo going, however, he vowed that if he ever cot an opportunity he would swarm all over Bill -and make Jam look as peaked as the last rose of summer. Bill Askins was still crowing about his victory when I arrived in town, lie never got tired telling tho story of the fight and repeated it to me .again and again, on each occasion working in many new and novel discrepancies. One " time he introduced so many new dc-. dc-. tails that at first I imagined he was talking about another fight. Bill was in tho habit of cornering me in the Black Bear and bragging about his achievement. One night ho was.pro-jnaring was.pro-jnaring to launch into somo additional features which he had forgotten when, to my relief, tho arrival of a stranger checked him and attracted the attention of everybody present. The vistor woro the extravagant clothes affected b3r the advance agent of a medicine show whilo his long black hair, moustache and goatee gavo him tho general appearance of a loaded dico manipulator. "Evonin', gents," ho Baid, with the polished air of a bunko Btccrcr. "hev you-all any objection to partnkin' of a little libation with a thirtsy pilgrim who hcz tho price?" "Not while wo air conscious," replied re-plied William AskinB. acting as spokesman spokes-man for tho outfit. 'Drinks air never barred 'cept in the case of a hoss thief, and .iedgin' frum yer stylo and lead oi conversation you don't belong to that ' " nefarious perfession." "I never indulges in scch lynch-pro-vokin' eccentricities," replied the stranger inviting all hands to namo their nose polish. "Doc Ilorne is my handle and I'm a doctor by profession. My lino is osteopathy and I liggcr stoppin' in this invitin' hamlet for a spell. ' ' "Well," remarked Bill Askins, "I've hcerd of allopathy and homypathy, but - - ycr specialty is a new ono on us." "Osteopathy," said Doc, growing eloquent, elo-quent, "is tho only sure cure for all ailments. ail-ments. By treatin' tho muscles and manipulalin' the ligamouls tho pa-. pa-. ticnt's anatermy is put in as smooth workin' order as a stomwindcr and ho 7 never hcz to lake no medicine, 'cept his rcg'lar nourishment at the bar." "Well, thot treatment shortly would please ycre, but thar's mighty little sickuoss in this section. Tho only illness ill-ness wo hed in tho past six mouths wuz . thet of Alabama Wild, who wuz caught associatin' with a marked deck of kyaids and when the Necktie society, who 'tends to our official lynchin', got s through with him he wuz so plumb un- " ' ' conscious ho never did rocover, Tho only time you could hev been any good wuz about a 3ear ago when I licked ' -, Rod Riley. I shoroly did put a crimp iu his activity and when 1 got through with him he wiiz so mutilated thot ho wuz corl'nly due to consult a ropootod physician."' 33111 then launched into a detailed story of how ho thrashed Red. No visitor ever escaped hearing of that historic event if William was at home. "Jedgin' frum 3rcr description of this miscroant," remarked Doc, when Bill had concluded, "I think I met him somo time ago in Chihuahua. Jlq wuz handlin' tho truth in an intrepid sort of stylo and pinin' fer a fight. He said he never got a strangle holt on a man that he didn't lick.'r Tho concensus of opinion was that the man tho osteopathist mot was none other than. the famous prevaricator. Doc Home decided to remain in Brazo and an incident took place in tho Black Boar one morning that gave osteopathy a great boost. Doc was standing at the bar near tho door talking to tho bartender, bar-tender, and at tho qpposito end of tho room was Dummy Link, reveling in the delicacies on tho froo lunch counter. Dummy loBt his voico and he hadn't spoken for years. Doc was dilating upon various kinds o guns and taking his own shooting iron out of his hip pocket as if to show it to the man behind the bar; he was about to lay it down on the counter when tho weapon exploded. At this psychological moment Dummy Link, who was contemplating a luscious pig'B foot with . unfoigncd delight, .lumped four foot in tho air and lot a f" be re ' PUNY ' FORE LONG. yell out of him that shattered n. chandelier. chande-lier. IIo had recovered his voice. The bullet from Doc's gun had grazed his throat and by ono of thoso mvstorious freaks of nature, loosoncd his vocal chords. Dummy was bo tickled at being able to speak again that ho cussed himself him-self and everybody with groat enthusiasm. enthusi-asm. . He used all the picturesquo ox- Eressions ho knew and to make certain o wasn't dreaming, repeated them in a different tone of voice. About two minutes later the members of tho "Necktie society, having heard the shot, rushed into tho saloon nnd placed Doc Jlorno under arrest, thinking think-ing that he had tried to commit murder. mur-der. They proceeded to hold court in the barroom with Rio Grando Charley in the chair. Dummy Link, who was not badly hurt, was tho first witness. All ho knew about the affair was that a bullet grazed his throat and ho recovered his voice, no. was glad of it. Tho bartender bar-tender testified that the prisoner's gun exploded as he was handing it to him for inspection. He was certain that the shooting was accidental. Rio Grande Charley then said to Doc Home: "Prisoner, tho Nccktio society i3 tho bulwark of peace and order in this community and ef thcro is any lynchin' to bo done wo do it in a legal manner. You air charged with shooting shoot-ing our townsman, Dummy Link. What hev you got to say?" "Tho bartender Bays the shootin' wuz accidental," replied Doc, "but he is mistaken. I did it a-purpose." "And why did you try to blot out tho fair young life of our formorly reticent reti-cent and uncommunicativo feller cifc-zen?" cifc-zen?" "I didn't try to tako his life. I wuz jes' givin' him an osteopathic treatment for his voice. You sec for yorself thet he kin talk nnd tharfore tho treatment, which costs nuthin', wuz a pre-eminent success." The men looked at each other in amazemont, and presently Rio Grando said: "Isn't this osteopathy play somewhat violent?" s "Thar nir cases which require heroic mcasuros," replied the prisoner. "The present operation, while lookin' dangor-ons, dangor-ons, wuz not very painful, as tho patient will no doubt testify. Had I told Dummy Link thet ho would bo nblo to talk if I shot him in the nock he would hev said I wuz solicitin' trade for a tombstono maker. So I gave him tho treatment without his permission. You hev before you, gents, a practical illustration of the efficacy of osteopathy." osteo-pathy." "I'm afcord yer perfession will be moro of a monaco than a boon to this peaceful town, fer if it is common to uso yer woepin' as a surgical instrument instru-ment every man who packs a gun will bo posin' as an osteopath." Doc Homo hastened to Bay: "Gents, I'mtho first medical sharp who ovor used a gun to treat a patient. The caso of Dummy Link is a peculiar one, and thar will hardly ever bo nnother like it. Tho work of my porfossion is done solely with tho hands, and no instruments instru-ments air needed. To bo frank, I confess con-fess that in extrouio cases tho treatment treat-ment is sometimes a lectio severe. For instance, when a man is a. long sufferer from a complicationof ailments, I begin be-gin workin' on him by stirrin' up the cervical region. After stibmittiu' to this nock manipulatin' I hev known patients to say they could look for- ward to lynchin' as n positivo pleasure, Further down I indulgo in tho dorsal twis.tin' of the spine, and I am so familiar with the bones of tho anatermy that by a deft movements kin dis- locate every Tib in the body. The vibratory movement, consists of pound- in' on tho most sensitive nerves, which is mighty stimulatin' to the invalid. Then thar is the vibratory movement with the knuckles on the face, very vigorously applied. In order to stimulate the cutaneous nerves I pinch the skin all over tho body. I kin wrench both legs out of their sockets in a scientific effort to set tho innominuto bones and the pationt be- comes a well man, evon if ho docs get up from tho table feclin'. like a victim of the inquisition. I merely in- dulgo in, these cheerful technicalities, gents, to show you thet my treatments air not fatal and thet gun plays air not in tho curriculum of the perfes- sion. As fer my ability, I refer you to Dummy Link, whose power of speech I hev restored." Tho members of the Necktie socioty held a private consultation, and then Rio Grande said to tho prisoner: "Tho fact thet you hev cured Dummy and he kin now cuss as fluently ns in tho days ofj'ore is, in our opinion, a power-ful power-ful indorsement. Wo officially" with-draw with-draw the charge of felonious shootin' opd you air a frco man. While ycr re-marks re-marks touchin' on osteopathy air too profound for us, they air bo fluent thet we hand you an invite to pcrambulato up to the bar in a solid phalanx and partako of tho juice which enables tho consumer to git his optics on a movin' picture of an elophnnt and a musquito waltzin' together across tho prairio to the strains of sweet melody." With that all hands drank to tho health of Doo Homo. My private opin-ion opin-ion of tho affair was that tho shooting was accidental, but tho kcon-witled au-vocatc au-vocatc of osteopathy turned a trick to boost his own game. As to Doc being a sort of a naturo fakir, it might be a ood idea for Mr. .Roosevelt and Mr. ong to removo their coats, Bound tho tocsin of war, and debate the question with a fow of the inimitable gestures indorsed by tho Marquis of Queens-berry. Queens-berry. That Doc profited by his net is evidenced in tho fact that he was looked upon as the greatest wondor in tho Western hemisphere. During tho next weok thoro was a general falling off in business. Even such recreations as faro and poker lost their interest. Tho natives appeared to bo spending their tirao trying to get sick bo Doc could cure them, whilo Dummy Link daily indorsed his skill by swearing enthusiastically, whenever he could get anybody to listen to him. But Brazo continued to bo stubbornly healthful. Osteopathy wasn't getting much of a show. Ono night Doc Horno mot Bill Askins and roraurked: "You ain't lookin' vory well this evenin', Bill." ,, "Nevor folt bettor in my life," ro- pliod William. "Well, thar air signs about ycr eye indicatin' thot you air goin' to bo off ycr feed. You hev every symptom thot you'll be foclin' purty -puny 'fort jH Then Doc launched forth into a little. homily replete with dazzling technical!-tios, technical!-tios, and Bill bogan to think ho wasn't very wolh nCtar all. .It piw-crf on hu M' mind o that insula of Jjn Iiour im wns f eonriwcotl Hint he wua n side man, xuia he wont to Doc for treatment. The news spread Ilka wildfire. Joc locked f bis office door nnd llio boys stood out- Idc awaiting developments. Rio Grande Hj CharJov. wiio was now .1 convert to osteopathy and an ardent admirer of Doc's, nfo'od on gunrd so there would bo HH no interruptions. Hj Rio Grande, wlio had spent all his snare time loafing with Doc, was gct-ting gct-ting the swine 01 his phrases, and was BB proud of it. He used them on any and every occasion, although he didn't know B what he was talking about. Even the bartender at the Black Bear had lost his mental balance over the new scioncc, and the barroom window was filled with signs advocating such fnney 1 drinks as "Vib'ratorv Cocktails-' 1 "Dorsal Twisters" and "Cervical iiiiThbniis." I' IIclpl Murder!" came a voice from within. "What's comin' off?" inquired one of the boys. Rio Grande peeped through the keyhole key-hole and replied: "My view is some obstructed, but I figgcr the medical sharp is stirrin' up the cervical region." re-gion." Bill uncorked a blood-curdling whoop that shook the building. ""William seems to be ailin' some," observed Tom Irwin. "Yes, the dorsal twistin' of the. spine is purty painful," said Jtip Grande, with the easy air of a professional. A terrific bumping followed and Bill Askins's yells for help continued to I entertain the assemblage without. Finally all was quiet and Doc llornc. with tho bosom of his shirt missing, opened the door. Tho patient, completely com-pletely played out, was lying on the table." He m looked as if he had been traveling with a cyclone-"This cyclone-"This j'er osteopathy 'pears to be a violent pastime," ventured Rio Grande Charlev. I "In the present case it is." said Doc, shaking the perspiration from his brow. "At first our estimable friend seemed to feel chagrined about something, aud when he tried to fracture my ,iaw T. took it that he objected to 1113; treatment. treat-ment. But in the interest of science I persevered, and lied to be rather severe with him. You sec he wuz sulfcrin' from ailments he didn't know he lied, and in my professional capacity I wuz compelled to go aft or him purty lively to git to the scat of tho trouble, which is mainly about the eyes." "1 notice thet his gun optic is ready to close fer repairs," remarked Elijah Rivers. 1 "Which is due to the vibratory move- Hl mcnts of the knuckles," explained the E rofessor. "Mr. Askins, however, will c a well man in twenty-four honrs." j Rio Grande Charley asked Bill how H be fell, but he was too tired to talk, H and merely waved his hand as an indica- H tion that he preferred to be left alone in his misery. It was arranged that the patient sleep that night in Doc's office. H and I lie crowd retired to the Black Bear to discuss at length tho marvels of H medical science. H Several hours after sundown I met H Doc Home unexpectedly. lie was ou H horseback aud didn't seem any more Hl pleased to sec me than if I had been a H tarantula. "Hello, Doc," I sang out cheerfully, "whore are you going?" I,' lie thought, a minute, and said: "I'm lcavin' town. I cau't make a livin' here." "1 "Doc, j'ou're an imposfcr, " T rc-1 rc-1 marked frankly, "and don't know the difference between osteopathy and a hot dog sandwich. You mastered a lot of technical terms and disguised your-solf your-solf to look like a cross-roads medical man. But you're a fakir from the hair 1 dye to tho "circus clothes, and although "n I said nothing, I had your measure from '1 the first day 1 saw you." Doc laughed with glee as he said: "Well, Hank, you're the only one in canip who guessed it." m "You had but one purpose in gefc-I gefc-I ting Bill Askins in your office, and I that was to spraddle all over him and I mako him look like the only survivor I of a massacre The fact that you I locked the door so there would be no H outside interference reveals a well con-I con-I ceived plot. Why you promoted this I gentle enterprise is one too many for H me." Doc chuckled softly. As he rode away lie looked back and said: "Well, llank. H you inform Bill Askins thet I'm Red Riley, and he'll tell you why.," |