Show Ft t u tMr M b 1 Docs Hustling Shorten LifoP It seems that we are all wrong about the hurtful and lifeshortening effect of American hustle Our national motto may be said to have been A short life but a strenuous one We 7 were wiling ua a people to havg the spun short on eel a little If I only wo could have something worth while something some-thing active md effectIve going on all the time But it seems accordinG to the latest bulletin of the cnnsuu bureau bu-reau lhat the fast life is i also the long IO Our mdlan cthnt ly I the ago which IB such that hair the population popula-tion is I under It and halt over ItIs more than aeven yearn greater than it was a century ago and Inmawes from d eatie to dermle We arc surpassing easygoing foreign countries In this reaped re-aped we ito surpassing even the looseJointed Indolent beautifully relaxed re-laxed neverworrying African In our mlrlot for whereas the demlan age of our American white Is 234 yearn that of the dcvllnmyc colored person io I hut 1Si Lately much confusion has arisen In the mlnds of many Americans I over the statement mado by cerlaln eminent neurologists that It s next to impossible for a man to overwork provided his bodily functions are kept In good order by temperate and wholesome whole-some living Other physicians to he sure tell us that hurry and worry spell death We had accepted the latter I Judgment with the qualifying reflection i hat t no matter what science tells us IL I I nlwnyu seems to hUt another think coming This census bulletin which links the long life with thy fast one appears to be the other think Harpers Weekly Reading and Talking r Heading will bo of little ue without convernallon and conversation will be apt to run low without reading Reading Read-ing fills the lump ant conversation lights It Reading IH 1 the food of the mind and conversation the exercise And aa all things are strengthened by exercise BO Is I the mind by conversation conversa-tion Then1 we shake off the dust and l stiffness of u retired scholastic life Our opinions ore conllrmed or corrected by I the good opinions of others points nix l argued drubis arc resolved dllllcuIUos cleared directions given and frequently frequent-ly l hints started uhlch if pursued would lead to the most useful truths like a vein of silver or gold which directs di-rects to a mine Washington Times Bret Hnrtes Last Poem In Harpers for October Bret TIartes lost poem found > after his death imprinted 1 im-printed for the first time It wns written at the time of the death of Queen Victoria The poem Is i reprinted In full When your men bowed heads together VJlh hushed lips And the globe swung out from gladness To eclipse I Vhpn your drums from the oquator To the polo Carried round It an unending Funeral I roll When your capitals from Norway f To the Cape Through their streets nnd from their house Trailed their crepe Still the sun awoke Io gladness tv As uf old And the MinI their midnight bcatitv Still unrolled For the glory horn of Goodness Ntver dies r And Its HUE i not halfmasted In the filers Both Were Shocked Little Elsie was u faithful attendant at Sundayschool and had listened earnestly when plans for a coming Christian Endeavor convention wcro discussed her interest Increasing to enthusiasm over the mysterious affair when she learned that her auntie was Io attend as a delegate Coming Into the library one diY auntie saw the little maid busily engaged en-gaged In writing a letter l to t cousin with whom she kept up n Juvenile correspondence respondence She scrawled Industriously Industrious-ly 1 for a moment then stopped There wan a puzzled expression on her fat Ink lalncd face ns she dangled her short legs and wriggled uncomfortably on her high perch Auntie she said how do you spell devil Oh Elsie said her auntie I am shocked Why are you using such a word as that In your letter Nice little girls never say such things I was Elsies turn to be shocked Why auntie she cried Im only tolling her l holt the Christian and devjl convention1 Ida L Plfer In the Drawer Harpers Hagnrlne for October Octo-ber J Chinese Duplicity A South Sea Islander said of his leAs le-As soon us wo open our mouths a lie Is 1 born The Chinese acknowledge without shame the same of themselves V It may be true among Western nations that the affairs of life binge upon confidence con-fidence but In the East and especially especial-ly l In China they hinge upon suspicion There are few Chinese who attach any Importance to keeping an engagement Most of them are like the mal who being accused of having broken his promise replied that it was of no consequence con-sequence a H he could make another Just nu good The Chinese say that one should never refuse I request in an I abrupt manner on the contrary ho should grant It In form although with ho intention to do so in substance Put him on till tomorrow and then until another tomorrow Thus you comfort his heart Detroit Free Press The Obsolescent Schoolmaster Tlne was when the male pedagogue ruled aupreme Slowly but surely l the gontlc schoolmaam has been driving him out of the profession I may be a CUBC of the survival of the fittest but there are many who are not of that opinion Even ardent advocates of the new woman movement arc not ready io admit that the total elimination of bo man behind the speller Is desirable It to be of the sur i really seems l a case lle 1mr vival of the cheapest Men cannot devote de-vote years to preparation for teaching and then give their time and services for pay that the average hired man on the farm would reject with scorn It Is not a wise poll that the rural directors di-rectors pursue when they offer the man who is to educate their children less l han they pay the other man who fccda their hogs Burlington Hawkcye Humor in Children Miss Katherine A Chandler has an JG3 article on The Sense of Humor In arl < Children In the October Century bascdion compositions by puplhs on the heni of the beat joke you heard during dur-ing vacation Her conclusions are uummcd up a3 follows An Inspection of these compoHltlonH z would lead one to believe that in chil dren younger than 10 the semme > of humor p hu-mor Is not differentiated by sex and p that It Is akin to that of the savage p nho smiles grimly at nisi victim p throes From that year on the inllu p cncc of our present educational system p sys-tem Is felt The girls an not uiilj r ruined to be like adults but there IK i 1 developed In them a sensitiveness that 1r makes them feel with the person laughed at and so they lose their In Uiatlvp funloving proclivities and thou appreciation of their brothers prankp Ic I 3t IB an old saying A woman haa no p enE of humorbut her education 1 were the name as her brothers she p tj would at least retain the native stock y of her childhood Tho girls who receive the most liberal physical training and In this day of sports they are becoming many are as able to appreciate humor as are their men ebjnpanlorto The boys are lean I hampered by traditions ditions of dignity and they advance In humor as In other lines As they become be-come more civilized they value more subtle jokes than the physical dodgcn of their childhood They would rise ton to-n still higher plane were their rending matter In this subject as well pruned as In other branches It might be wise for the suffering teacher or parent to encourage the Jocose urchins for upon them mainly depends that source of humor which we ned to Irradiate our too solemn old earth Lightning Transit for Mails While SIt Marconi devotes his en orgies to tho wireless telegraph and hau just succeeded In surmounting the Alps by his method a fellow countryman country-man Sig Plsclcelll Is I stimulating progress In means and methods of transmitting the malls He has devised a plan for sending postal matter In aluminum boxes alung overhead wires sit thC rule of 2 IS miles an hour TJic Italian department of post and telegraphs I tele-graphs Is looking into his Invention officially of-ficially Sig PiHCiccllls device whether Successful Suc-cessful or not foreshadows a change which must come Malls and passengers passen-gers must eventually be separated for carriage the former to be spt dml on their way by Ihe most rapid and effective effec-tive means with neither regard nor risk to tho latter Pneumatic tubes servo well for processes of local expedition expe-dition There must he equal facilities for the longdistance transmission of I malls Perhaps these t wlil lie In the overhead wire arrangement perhaps In conduits along the railways perhaps In devices not yet dreamed of The Italians scheme would send a otter from New York to Chicago In less than foul hours nr to San Francisco In about thirteen hours saving sixteen nours on the one transaction and a little tic more thun four days on the other uvcr present methods With the telegraph tele-graph getting faster and with 100 mile anhoul trains almost In sight I the malls arc going too slow for the age They must have their own lightning light-ning transit New York World Tho Navajo Woman The Navajo woman who has made her tribe the moat famous of all living Indian races by means of her great and excellent Invention the Navajo blanket blank-et occupies tt social I position of g tnt independence the Chlea says Chicago Chron cle Her property rights arc carefully cspeeled She owns much of the wealth of the tribe and her children belong to her alone A woman may have hundreds of sheep when she marries mar-ries and not one becomes the property of her husband Descent Is traced through the female line I Is a survival survi-val of the primitive matrfarchatc The Knvajo woman has no pcrma I lent home The progress of the tribe has been greatly Impeded by Its dark superstition that every death It caused dlrncCly by Chindc the devil and that t evil spirits lingerabout the dead body rue house is never occupied again The j corpse Is burned In the floXM and the house pulled down over It and a NavaJo Nava-jo would freeze before he would make a Ire upon the logs of ole of these deserted de-serted heaps So the Navajo hogan IN n poor temporary rah a mere circular cir-cular hut of logs and stones with a hole In the roof for the smoke and n blanket for the door In the summer the Navajb woman loves to move Into n brush wlckyup mode of greasewood wood boughs There she sets up her loom in the shadow of the rocks and j I liveS In the open air all summer One on the Magician Carl Hertz the American sleightof hand performer who Is just now umun InS London audiences was once giving an entertainment In Nashville Tcnn where he engaged the services of a l awky boy whom he wished to utilize is a confederate says the Brooklyn Eagle Now listen said Hertz to the youth you keep this marked dollar in vour trousers pocket and when I call you from the stage come up and hand It to me I was near the close of the evenings programme before Hertz reached the trick in which he counted upon the assistance as-sistance of his confederate He produced pro-duced a marked silver dollar palmed It swullowcd it passed it through doors and tables and finally caused It to vanish In the air There exclaimed the magician lOlntlng to his confederate who held lhe duplicate coin that boy has It Conic here you and the youth sham blll forward at the summons Now continued Hertz give me that dollar you have In your trousers pocket Slowly and with apparent distress the lad > fished out a handful of small change Heres SO cents Its all Ive got left he explained L spent the rest In oranges Lines in the Maplo Wood Nobody seems to know what cause It Is hlch produces those delicate and beautiful llns In maple known ns birdseye Some people think they come from the hundreds of little branches which shoot out all over the trunk of the tlC as soon as a clearing clear-ing Is made around It Expert timber men say that Is not the case The only way to tell a birdseye maple tree Is to cut It There are no outward signs by I which one can Judge The Railroad tells slor of the late George Gazette lel a story o llte l Pullman Many years ago he was offered a mahogany log for S3000 to be cut Into veneers I wns supposed to be C very fine piece of wood but this could only be determined by gutting It He declined till offer but agreed total to-tal < o the log cut Into veneers for what It was worth The owner had It sawed and was paid SiO for his veneers Any one who can discover the secret of determining the interior nature of wood from the outside will have a fortune Why Lilian Boll Is Happy J there ever really was a person who seriously considered tho ancient question ques-tion Is marriage l failure lie may now be finally answered and by the highest conceivable authority That authority Is none other than Mrs Lil ian liell Bogue who Is more widelY known under her maiden name a3 the author of The Love Affairs of an Old Maid Mrs Bogue has been married two years and a half and when she came hack the other cay to her old home In Chicago a flaring Interviewer put the question straight at her From put standpoint of the sweet singer of the joys of spinsterhood Mrs Bogue la Marriage f Failure Not for a moment did she hesitate She cost her ancient doctrines to the winds and declared de-clared In a breath that its royally enchantlngly delightful to be a married woman Nor does Mrs Bogun stop there She goes on and explains Just why she IB so happy incidentally furnishing fur-nishing a set of rules by which other young vormn may be guided in the C kntlon of congenial husbands To the merely masculine mind sbome of these rules may seem a trifle exacting but that does not In any way alter the fuel For Inotunep If a woman Is not athletic her husband should willingly give up golf he should go shopping with his ulfe and help her In the selection of belts and ribbons while she assists at the purchase of guns and other masculine mas-culine requirements he muat come home to luncheon every day he must yet up at 5 oclock each morning and work with her In the garden and he must completely nnd permanently fulfil ful-fil his wifes Ideal In every vayno sevenclghthrt o the Ideal should sat lsfy I It must hi admitted that Mrs Bogue has been more fortunate In the Incidentals of her married life than most people She has found for Instance In-stance the loveliest dearest smartest kitten you ever heard of and Is the enviable employer of nn Irlrh housemaid house-maid who calls her mistress sweet hcart and refers to her master ng boss darlln But after all she has to rlnrl But answered the old question nnd answered an-swered It so emphatically that one may el will hereafter be allowed to rest untouched In the files where forgotten for-gotten problems aro tucked away Harpers Weekly Fools Rush In7 One fool sailed westward till ho found I world One found new worlds within tho mind of man rho cynics called Columbus charlatan And burned Giordano Brunei Who unfurled The heavons like a scroll that men might I know But foollRh Galileo Who began Our new free art and thought and social plan But that poor outcaot crazy fool Rousseau Rous-seau There IP one tonst tlC future ages drink Standing To those who dare rush In and die Those Who defy nil rights and break all rules Who HKH Impossible battles nnd who think True thoughts of whom with one accord we cry The fools the fools the CoolGod bless the fools Curtis Hidden Page in Harpers Magazine From Her Point of View FroJ The colored woman who takes care of the olllce o the Secretary of the Treasury Treas-ury hns not made the loa hum anymore any-more a hero than I valet might She was very earnestly discussing the matter mat-ter with a companion In the corridors of the treasury building I reckon that new secretary must be n mighty stupid man Here I Is i every night ready at 1 oclock to clar up his room and he Just keeps right on workln till 6 and Im right tired of IL He gets here early but It takes him tlllVc and 7 oclock to finish his work Other secretaries sec-retaries get through at the Christian hour of 4 I and I think he must be IL mighty slow munJoc Mitchell I Chappie In National British Courtesy Here are two samples of oldtime British courtesy said the New York man to the Times which arc quite delicious for their frankness and aim pllclty On the evening of our arrival In England recently Mrs H and I entered en-tered the hotel drnwlngroom after dinner when a handsome and courteous court-eous old Englishman came forward and very politely led I us to seats out of tIme draught and made himself generally gen-erally agreeable Thereupon Mrs I wishing to reward his courtesy with equal frankness remarked casually that we had just arrived from America 4 Aim Indeed Have Ol1 replied our new friend Americans Well madam we have quite n few of your countrymen In Jail over hereIn here-In the train to London our only companion in the compartment was another old gentleman who Immediately Imme-diately opened conversation and made himself most agreeable In pointing out objects of Interest by the way In the course of the conversation Mrs H remarked re-marked how agreeably surprised she was to find the English so open and pleasant She had been given to understand un-derstand that they never voluntarily conversed with strangers Nor do we replied our fellow traveler but we dOt mind talking to Americans There Is so little dancer nf our ever seeing them again you know The Use of Camels in Africa At the present day camels are used for all sorts Qf domestic purposes In Africa They may even be seen drawIng rmw Ing ploughs in the Interior of the Regency Re-gency of Tunis You may remark a woman md 1 camel harnessed to the same plough and you hesitate to decide de-cide which Is the greater outrage grenter outruC They are also used for drawing water from the strange cumbersome old fashioned wells of North Africa < Their chief use however is for caravans cara-vans You may behold them bringing In huge cases of dates from the oases or you may see them with great tent like structures of red silk upon their backs These tents are for the conveyance con-veyance o Arab women of the upper classes who seek to maintain the privacy pri-vacy of the harem even on a Journey Two women and some children arc often accommodated on one camel They have cushions on which they can lie down and even sleep I Is stuffy and It Is f dark but they deem themselves them-selves well off in escaping from the searching rays of the burning sun Pearsons Magazine Worlds Geography Class I Is not to be denied that this expansion ex-pansion of our knowledge of the world Is a sequence of our victories In the Spanish Avar Whether trade follows the flag certainly knowledge roes What the geography is doing for the schoolboy the newspapers and mngavlnon are doing for thc adult Nature will be reported says Emerson Em-erson and certainly never was thin so true us I today says the Century A hundred agencies mainly commerce Invention travel benevolence and disaster 1 dis-aster are conspiring to bring In touch all the nations of time world and to demand de-mand the fullest knole of nil fulest knowledge 11 by each There mire those who think that this absorbing Interest In the nctuili lies of material events is being cultivated culti-vated at the expense of great creative art BUt nn epoch of large wealth has been usually the of usual thl precursor a period of great art When this period comes perhaps the result will be all the more significant and valuable that the peoples of the earth will have reuched a sympathetic understanding through the widest knowledge A Town Without a Pocketbook In his article on the religious community com-munity of Ainana In Harpers for October Oc-tober Prof Richard T JEly tells In tercKllngly of the method of distribution distribu-tion of money held under the control of the community The distribution of wealth is I comparatively com-paratively simple matter says PIof Ely All members give their services and put in any property which they I may have They receive an adequate I and comfortable dwelling and ana an-a un lnce of food Each one has also I an annuaJ allowance In the form of i credit at the store With this credit they purchase their clothing and satisfy other wants whatever Is purchased pur-chased being charged against the purchaser pur-chaser In a creditbook with which all arc provided Ip making purchasers the credithook Is handed In to one of tho employees of the Htore and whatever I is purchased Is entered The annual allowance varies considerably from 33 to 575 It is considered meritorious to leave any unexpended balance In the funds of the society and In this way credits are sometimes accumulated Thn variations In allowances allow-ances suggest Inequalities which at first might appear to be contrary to the principles of inmmunlsm Inequalities however are recognised In wants The educated physician and his family hnvi1 IH every rational man ulll have to admit wnnts beyond those of the ordinary man who followr the plough Thr physicians do not confine their practice to the members of the community com-munity who of course receive their services grails and the fact that I their occupation lakes them more Into the outside world makes u difference But tbla Is after all not the whole story If you thrust nature out wlth a pitchfork pitch-fork she will return There must be some kind of tU aristocracy In every society and in so stable a community as Aninna It will be a natural aristocracy aris-tocracy Originally some members of time community were wealthy one member hl lug put Into tho common fund It Is said 550000 and some were In genera culture and station superior to others The most highly educated members of the community arc probably prob-ably the physicians One oC them might not bo treated belter than others and would not be treated better than others because his 1 profession might bring a large Income to the society so-ciety but there would be a respect for his learning Within certain limits then equality Is Interpreted to mean proportional satisfaction of needs A Chronic Grumbler To the large number of stories of the meanest man which arc frequently related one should be added of a certain cer-tain Frenchman famous for hin habit oC grumbling at everything and on every occasion Tic wax attached by inflammatory rhcumatlRin and was carefully nursed by I his wife 1 Who wan very devoted to him In spite of hit faultfinding disposition dispo-sition His suffering caused her to tUUHCI burst Into fears sometimes as Khc sat at his bedside One day a friend of the invalids came in nnd asked him how he wan getting on Badly bndly he exclaimed and Its all my wifes fan 11 la It possible asked the friend In S u rpri so Yes The doctor told me that humidity hu-midity was had for me nnd there that woman sits and cries Just to muke It moist in the room Easy to Give Advice A young man somewhat afflicted with native bashfulness and an Inability Ina-bility to make up his mind ns to his own best course of conduct recently approached r wellknown official and said snhlJud Judge I have come to nsk your advice ad-vice You have always been like a father to me and I have now come to you In a very Important matter I am thinking of getting married Well young man Interrupted the Judge If you are thinking of getting married go do It right away Dont wall because the girl might not be willing this time tomorrow But you sea protested the youth her Im afraid Im not able to take care of Tut tut deprecatingly retorted the Judge Why when I got married I was 21 years old and 1500 In debt la that so exclaimed the other with happy encouragement gleaming from his eye And I suppose you muBt now be worth about And now concluded the Judge Im only 2600 In debt The young man has not yet married Chicago Chronicle Alaska Returning Big Dividends A standing reminder of the limitations limita-tions of human wisdom and foresight Is furnished In the case of Alaska the purchase of which at 7200tOOO was denounced de-nounced by 1 many astute Hlalcsmen ns a piece of Inexcusable oxlravngance lievenuo exceeding 9000000 has been received from tho Territory since the purchase nnd the value of the products pro-ducts exported every year now from Alaska Is about lr000000 If nil of Uncle Sams investments were returning return-ing as big dividends as this our public debt would Eoon be a thing of the lRt But great aa Its progress has been Alaskas development hat only Just begun Leslies Weekly Adam the Unique When Adam wont aconrllnpr Eve lie didnt have to witch the clock IleRrcttlnp when twos limo to leave There were nu gossips there to shock She didnt make himBit away Across the room lid talk about Tho newest book or latest play That others had been bringing out Sho had no red plush album thereWith there-With photographs of Uncle John Ant Aunt Louise and Cousin Claire And others who were deal and gone i H I never when oho snvcclly sighed I Was forced to lice with all hln might In order to obtain n rIde Upon the lust car OUl that night Ah happy Adam He waa free Krom grief the Inter lover btnra Eve never whispered suddenly J think I hear pmon the stairs Cosmopolitan Magazine They Never Imbibe The Ona Indian Is deserving of a higher place than he has hitherto occupied oc-cupied In mens esteem If I but for one trait He forma the almost solitary exception among aboriginal tribes In refusing to touch alcohol In any form This policy of total abstinence Is rig Idly adhered Io In the face of cold hunger and Illness and even during the excitement of ceremonial rites Whatever hla faults may be judged from the while mans standard the Ona o South America has at least the Saving virtue of manliness Ills Ideal Is one of bodily prowess hardl hood and endurance Scottish American 1 Best Milk Cow The milkman wns treating himself ton to-n holiday Before starting he said to the hired mnn Be sure and feed the best milk cow well Give her all the roots she can ent Coming Into the yard on his return he saw pled up against the pump u good supply of carrots car-rots turnips and parsnips Whats this for he Inquired angrily Sure nnd Isnt the old pump the best milk cow after all answered Pat Farm Journal I Where He Was Stabbed Sometimes Judge Rufus B Cowing loses his temper with lawyers who needlessly and at great length cross examine witnesses Recently an Italian Ital-ian was on trial before him charged with stabbing u fellowcountryman On direct I examination I the complaining I witness with much precision described how and where the stabbing occurred A young Inwjcr started in on t very mInute crossexamination and asked the witness Were you stabbed In the hall Jso sir Were you slabbed In the backyard back-yard 7 yardNo 7o No sir Were you stabbed In the cellar No NI rAt r-At this point the Judge with a amllc broke In with the remark Counselor wbnt Is l the use of asking all those questions when the wllncss hns told us over and over again that ho was stubbed in the stomach New York Times A Now Word Wanted A verbal qucsllon of Interest is rnlsed by the Chicago Tribune which objcctc to the I assertion that Senator llnnim will stump Ohio Slumping ns It points out Is a word descriptive of political po-litical wotk under conditions long ago extinct The call for 1 new word to do scribe the modern method of campaigning campaign-ing Is theioforc Interesting It Is pertinent to note In seeking anew a-new term based on modern methods that It may Illustrate the discriminations discrimina-tions of the d1 To tlols day 10 rear platform 01 vpnlnco car the country would be generally approved To automobile or circus lent would he charged wllh an clement of demagogy But while none of these terms Is terse enough Io displace slumping the dlscrlmina lion Is likely to disappear Time old word Itself 1 originally conveyed 18 orJslnnly a reproach re-proach I applied to the method of campaigning so urgent that It sought Lhe very stumps to solicit tho votes of the backwoodsmen I Is to he remembered too that when Andrew Johnson took a rallroadj Journey to iissenminate hIs rather hazy vlewB of public policy swinging around the circle became a political sarcasm While the term has become efete the operation Itself has d eloped el-oped far beyond Johnsons prnctlc So that Ibo new word which Inclusively describes the peripatetic methods of our alalfsmen must have a wide significance Dispatch signifi-cance Who will invent ItV Pltlsburg Ho Charges It to tho Music A prencbor nf Jamaica Plain told lila congregation last Sunday that the de cllim of moral principle was very largely large-ly owing to the prevailing style of the popular music of the day He lullevcd that Its lively strains undermined the character and lowered It and led to general moral weakness Unforlunnlc ly I he offered no remedy I Is not a matter thai can be adjusted by either the Legislature or the courts Time wan when the church had much to do with sanctioning the tuneu l that the people were permitted to hear and use But now the lilting Jingle of the day creeps into the very organ voluntary itself It Is I Indeed that the I C pity preacher failed to show us IL way of escaping these tuneful temptations How are we to dull our curs to thorn or steel our pulsis agalsnt their rythmlc throbblngs But Is the preacher sure ho IK quite right In asserting that he has dhfcovorcd tho source of an unusual slump from moral principle Is he Justified Jus-tified In ascribing it to 0 lot of Jigging airs and a muddle of flat and foolish words Cleveland Plain Dealer The New Baby Yes Ive rot a Illtlo brother Never asked to huvo him iiulhcr But heM here They just tnt away and bought him And last week time doctor brought him Worunt lint queer When 1 heard the news from Molly Why I thought at first taM jolly Cause you see I sposed 1 could go nnd get him And then mamma cournc would let him Plnv with me But when j had onco looked at 1 him Why I says Great Snakes Is I that him Just I that mite They aid YiH nnd Aint he cunnln 2 And I thought they must be funnln1 He n sight Hca so PI mi If its Just nmazln And youd think that he was blnzln Hes so red < And his none Is like a berry And hot bald as Undo Jerry On his head Why he Isnt worth a brick l ho docs IB cry nnd kick He cant toll Wont sit up you cant arrange him I dont sea why pa ont change him At the s hop Now weve got to dress and feed him And we really didnt need him Moren I fropr Whyd tltoy buy I baby brother When they know JM good deal ruther Have a dog Kansas Farmer Objectionable Posters Columbia Pa has been having troubles of Us own over the old question ques-tion of offensive show his A week or two ago the advance man of a cer Lain burlesque show appeared In the town and not only distributed objec llonablo dodgers nbout time streets but placarded tbe I billboard with high lycolored posters which aroused considerable con-siderable Indignation among the more conservative Last Friday afternoon there appeared In the two Columbia dally newspapers IL vehement protest against these advertisements a protest signed by the members of the local ministerial association and on the afternoon af-ternoon following n special meeting or the Town founcU was called to consider con-sider the matter The proprietor of time company woman by the aywas given I fair hearing together with several sev-eral of the protesting clergymen and the result was that the doors of the operahouse were closed against lie performance Philadelphia Press NoseRubbing Maori women of New Zealand know nothing about kissing Noserubbing Is their form of salutation and when to friends meet they hold each other 13 their hands bend their heads until their noses touch and then rub them genlly from side to side This form of greeting Is not confined to the women but is I practiced by the men Ihej sel dom nicqt without rubbing noses In i times of lamentation the Maori women will sit for hours with their noses touching and moan for the loss of some chief whom Ihey have In all probability never seen The loss of a brother or friend is enough to start them off for days all moaning nnd howling pltcously They are essentially essen-tially n mpathetlc race ant the sorrows sor-rows of one are time sorrows of all Cut the Sermon Short Three wealthy New Yorkers one of whom was Edmund Clarence Stedman tho poet and banker were on a fish lag trip In northern Maine at one time tme While there they made time acquaintance ac-quaintance of a preacher who Mr Stcdman used to say proved to them that a man may be longwinded and witty loo in spite of the limehonored statement about brevity being the soul o wit The New Yorkers entered the llltle backwoods meetinghouse Just as tho preacher began his sermon Ho continued con-tinued speaking for two hours and finally when it got late In the afternoon after-noon and he showed no signs of stops ping the vacationists began to get uneasy nnd wonder If they would get out of the woods before dark At last they felt that they could slay no longer BO they rOll and started to file out The thread of the parsons discourse dis-course snapped off short Under the circumstances he said grimly we will Interrupt our sermon and take up the collection at this point Tho preachers quick wit stood him In good stead for the three strangers contributed handsomely Chicago Chronicle Overcome by His Courage In a Danlzic Journal Helnrlch Ricker relates I ehnrnclerlsllu anecdote of the late Georg von Siemens One day while residing In Persia Siemens was obliged to dismiss 1 servant for dishonesty dis-honesty Returning to his home on time same evening he heard some one following him Grasping his dagger he turned Just In time to save his life by i plunging It Into the assailants body The relatives of t servant piomptly declared a vendetta He replied by messenger that In would ride on the third night following to their village accompanied by a servant only He did so and expected every moment that some one concealed behind a rock would lire at him But no one molested mo-lested him and when he reached I the village early In the morning bo was met by several old men dressed In white carrying bread and t ni They begged him to eat of this nnd be their friend aa they had never before heard of such courage A Girln Bedtime Two bourn of prcmldnlght sleep before be-fore the age of 20 would mean mal hours of health at 10 Our girls would be stronger If their mothers were firmer in this respect Of course this leads directly l to the social life of a young girl J she retires re-tires at 10 oclock then pray how can she go to the theater to parties to dances and to all the delights of a girls heart which seem so much more delightful de-lightful ufler sunset than before issue is-sue not to Indulge In these pleasures l Most assuredly But why not with aome system according to some plan The girls schools and colleges of strictest discipline restrict t all social pleasures olher ihnn on an occasional lecture or a musical or dramatic evening even-ing which Invariably ends by or before JO oclock to one evening l week Saturday when there arc no other studies These schools prohibit Friday Thcsl hOIK evening pleasures on tbe ground that the studies thruSh which the scholars have gone during the day arc suffi cent of n strain upon them amid that f long nights sleep fits them better for thC Saturday pleasures Thc o pleasures I pleas-ures consist of one week a matinee another week nn evening dance and soon so-on Tho uchools of lesser strictness permit Friday and Saturday evenings for social pleasures But the limit Is two evenings a week except for such affairs as I say which arC of early termination and have nn edUcational Import or purpose whether It be lecture lec-ture elocutionor music This adjust niont of time social life of a girl lM been reached by the men and women nt the head of these Instllullons from careful study of thC physlcnl and mcninl endurance of girls J nnd it is 1 well worth the trouble for every mother to nsk herself whether there Is not something In the experience of these students of girlhood which can be applied ap-plied to her girl at home Ladles Home Journal I j Scripture Cake There was a church bazar In the vii tie 1 Inge of ComrIe Stralhcnrn Scotland August 23rd and a novelty at one of the stalls was n sale of what was called scripture cake which was In great demand I was made accord ing to the following recipe Take four and onehalf cups ot 1 Kings Iv 1 22 first clause one and onehalf cups of Judges v lo last clause two cups of Jeremiah v 20 two l cups of I Samuel xxx J2 two cups of Nahum 11 12 = one cup of Numbers xvli S two tnblespoonfuls of L Samuel xv i Beanoii to taste with 1 Chronicles lx 9 six of Jeremiah xvI 1 a pinch of Levlllcus I 1H half a cup of Judges Iv 1 10 baking powder Finally follow Solomons prescription Proverbs Prov-erbs xxll 15 for making n good child and you will haw a good cake Chicago Chi-cago News Lucky St Lucia Perhaps time most extraordinary phenomenon phe-nomenon which presents itself In connection con-nection with the volcanic erupllons at Martinique and SI Vincent Is that St Lucia lying belveen the two Islands and only about forty miles dislnnt from time seat of seismic disturbances on either side has never experienced the slightest tremor nor havo any hut the faintest sounds been heard by n few persons and only once for a few hours has the fall of ashes caused darkness to the extent of Inconvenience This Is all the more remarkable In that from St KItts southward to Trinidad have distinct cnrth rumblings been experienced ex-perienced and loud detonations heard Yet time electrical phenomena especially when Mont Pelec hns been active can be distinctly seen from hero From the Voice of St Lucia Forest Destruction in Greece Greece Is the latest country to be confronted with the problem of forest deslrucllon This summer vast tracts of her forests have been burnt over and laid waste and as her wooded land was not very large comparatively speaking the situation Is l f serious one Her two chief asSetS arc her cllnuile and her natural beauty the latter more or less enhanced by the ruins of her past Now It Is said that her climate is delcrlorul Ing with alarming rapidity Rain Is becoming IOFS frequent but more violent vio-lent and IonS droughts are followed by terrilllo storms which complete the denudation de-nudation of the mountain slopes which was begun man while the rapid How of water to the plains causes annually serious Inundations Some little effort has been made Io reforest parts of the country und to protect such woodlands as are left hue no great success has followed IlNew York Commercial Advertiser cIlsel Pure Milk for tho Poor Nathan Strauss who for several years has been providing Parilcurlzed milk for the poor or New York city In the summer months announces that next enl he will have In operation anew a-new and larger laboratory the demands on bis unique charity having vastly Increased In-creased The milk Is given free to all who on examination are found unable to pay a nominal charge being made to others Dr J Corwln Mnbey who wns delegated by tho health deparlmcnt to investigate the results from the use of Pasteurized milk and milk foods said today that he believed the low death rate among children under five years of age In the borough of Manhattan Is directly di-rectly attributed to the distribution of Pasteurized milk from the stations maintained by Mr Strauss Luck and Laziness Luck topped upon a collage door A giiitle quiet tap Anil Lazmees who lounged within The cat upon his lap Stretched out his Uppers to the lire And gave a sleepy yawn Oh bother let him knock again He said but Luck was gone Luck tapped agaIn more faintly still Upon another door Where Industry was hard at work Mending hits collage floor rime door wa j oncneil wide nt onco < Come InJ tho worker cried And Luck was taken by i the hand And fairly pulled Inside He Bllll Is there a wondrouo guest From out whoso magic hand Fortune flows fast but Laziness Can novir understand How Industry found such a friend Luck never comes my way Ho sighs and quite forgets the knock Upon his door that da > St Louis Republic Ho Understood Perfectly A Georgia hostess entertaining a large party of guests In her plantation home expected an English lord on a night train Whllp her Jet black George Washington served her American Amer-ican guestu admirably he had had no experience with English lilies Therefore considering a little instruction instruc-tion necessary Mrs G proceeded Io give It as follows George Lord C will be here for breakfast In time morning and you must puss your Iray Io him tlrsl and say My lord will you have so and so9 After going through the formula several sev-eral times George was dismissed lookIng look-Ing more than usually selflrnporlanl When breakfast was announced George was in his place his face shinIng shin-Ing like polished cbonj and his eyes like full moons When the guests were seated George hesitated a moment then made a dash at the guest of honor with his tray and burst oul Good God Amlghl will you hub some o dls7 Current Literature A Hemarknblo Horse This advertisement appeared In a recent re-cent number of a German army Journal Jour-nal I offer for Eiile 113 handsome gentle sevenyearold horse with which I have been experimenting for the purpose of ascertaining Io what extent ex-tent the Intellect con bo developed In animals He can distinguish ten colors bo can rend he knows the four points of the compass and he can count from one up to ten The owner of this wonderful won-derful animal Is a Berlin gentleman of largo means who for years huts spent most of his time training horses Points About Pins Theres a pin on the sidewalk said the statistician but dont bother to pick It up for XOOOOUOOUO new ones will be made this year and whats one pin among so many The pin he wont on Is an Interesting subject It is older than civilization and 3000 years ago it was made In more bountiful form than It Is today Then only the wealthy could afford pins but now wo can all use them This Is because Ihey are made by such un Ingenious and Intelligent Intelli-gent machine into Its mouth n coil of wire flows nnd out of time other end conies the pin complelcd save for Us plating and polishing The plating Is a mere matter of a bath the polishing a more mailer of n dry shninpop In a barrel of revolving sawdust Even the packing of the pine In papers IB machine ma-chine work This year there are close upon fifty pin factories running busily In America and their sales will aggregate aggre-gate about 332r0000 Philadelphia Record Wisdom of Great Men It Is reported that Mr J Plerpont Morgan gave a newsboy fiO cents for a paper and refuKeil to take change The Incident Is lllustratlvo Mr Morgan not only bus the wealth of a Croesus but the wisdom of a serpent lie has mnde thai newsboy his friend Whenever When-ever Daniel AVebslor visited New iorlc he occupied n famous double room on the first floor of the Astor housf1 there ho was accustomed to receive bin Islt ors and drink lila brandy Learning that the barkeepers was politically hostile hos-tile to him and wan constantly talking against him ho one day went to the bar nnd aukcd In his beat manner for a drink of brandy After Inking a truly Webnlcrlan slug of the liquor be smacked his lips and placed a dollar on the counter The barkeeper tendered to him the change But Webster slinking slink-ing his fine head said No sir no change for such good liquor ns that and grandly walked avay The bar keeper was over afterward one of hum most enthusiastic supporters Webster had bought him for H and a single sentence and without his knowledge Mr Morgan too must have a great head Louisville CourierJournal What the Stripes Are For Rabbi Isidore Myars of San Francisco Fran-cisco In addressing a meeting of the Federation of Zlonlsls gave a new Interpretation In-terpretation of the design of the American Ameri-can flag Among his bearers wore Jewish Jew-ish immigrants largely Russians Ho wild Do you know why the stars and Eilrlpoa are in tbe Hag I will tell you why They show that America has stars for those who behave themselves and stripes for those who do not Cleveland Plain Dealer |