Show NKDOOLYS COWLi iill MENTSTO MR WV0 1 little Chinee frind Woo Well sir mo must be havln1 th1 time Iv his life in AVaahnton these days said Mr I h1 Dooley DooleVhos her asked Mr Ilennepsy Mlnlslhcr said Mr I lies th Chinoe joo1ry 41an his business Is fr to supply 1 sup-ply fresh handlaundhried misinformation Iv State Th SIc lion to th Sir rely rety Iv 1 State Is settin in his office feel in1 blue because hes Jrst heerd bu a ypeeyul corryspondint Iv th London I I Dully Pall at Sydney Austin eclya who had it frm a slatewriter In Duluth 1 hundherd an that an arrmy iv fqur eight thousan mlllyon an sivIntyHve bloodthirsty Chinese arrmcd with Hat j irncs an cryln Bung Loo which 2 means Hinnlssy Kill th1 foreign divvies div-vies dhrlve out Lh mipsionries an setup ir lh Chi x up In Chiny n govermint nese is marchfn on Vladivostok In Slberyia not far frm Tinsin A knock comes at th lure an Woo enthers Well says he with a happy smile q Us all right Whats all right says th SIcrity iv State Ivry thing says Woo I have Just found a Ictther sowed In a shirt frm me frind c Lie Much th Viceroy iv Bumbang It ja i dated th fourth hour Jv 1 th third day Iv I Lh eighth or greencheese moon he says What day is I that says th1 4 SJcrely Jv State Its Choosdah th I Fourth iv July Wlnsdah th Sth iv October an Thursdah th 17th Iv i March he says Patricks day says p t th Slcrcty Iv State Thrue fr ye says Woo What car1 says Jawn Hay Th year Iv th big l wind says i 4 Woo Good pays Jawn Hay proceed i with yecr story Heres th letter t says Woo 1 know tis gcnooyine because be-cause Il Is an aP dhress patthcrn used 4 be th Impress It says Oscar Woo care iv himsilf annywherc Dear Woo brother Iv 1 th moon uncle Iv th sun an roommate iv th btars dear sir Yours Iv 1 th eighth day iv th property moon raycclvod out Iv th air yesterdah aClhcrnoon or tomorrow tomor-row an was triad to note ye arre feel in well Ivrythlng over here Is th aine ol pair I reboots Nawthln1 dcin r Peking is as quite as tlr1 grrave Her Majesty lh1 Impress is siiffrin sjight Jy frm death be poison but Is still able fr to do th cookln fr th Rooshan iVmbafsadure Th Trrjpror was be ncaded his week an feels so much bet thor fr th opratlon that he explels to be quarlhered flex Sundah Hes always al-ways wanted to rayjooce his weigh p Some Iv 1 th Boxers called on th foreigners for-eigners at Tinsin las week an met a wanurn rayciptlon Th foreigners aftherard paid a visit to thlm through a hole IPt th wall an a Jolly May con eluded with a foot race at which our I people are becomin expert Some iv th boys explcts to come up to Peking nex week an th people along th line I Iv th railroad are gettin ready fr thlm This Isreally all th news I have except that cherries arre ripe Me I pin Is poor me ink Is dhry me love fr you can flyer die Give me regards to Slcrety Hay whin he wakes I l up remain re-main Slluslrus cousin iv th rlsin dawn thruly yeers LI P SIr ye need anny more Information take a longer dhraw J r r H Dial says Woo Is wan way Iv i rroalln it Road upside down It says that the Impress has become a Sweden boorjan I will rread it Htandln on me head whin I get home where I can pin down me oversklrt thin Ill rrcad it in a lookin glass thin Ill saw It into sthrlps in rrun It through a wringer an lave It sthand In a tub iv blueln I nn whin Its properly starched Ill find out what it says Finlly Ill cut It Into small pieces an cook with rice an lave it to rest In z cooLplace an thin twill read even betther I hope yre satisfied he says I am says Jawn Hay Ill tillygraft to Mark that Ivrythlng it all right he says an that our relations with his Majesty or her Majesty or their Boxerships or th Downwiththforeigndivillers or whoivers runnin thshop over be yant are as they ought to be or worse or betther as th case may be he says Good says Woo youre a man afther me own heart IIP says ill sind yo a little book wrote be a frind Iv mine in Peking he says Tis called Heart to Heart Lies T Have Had he says I Youll like it1 he says In th meantime mean-time he says I must write a secret I message to go out be tonights hotair express to mo corryspondint Merl den Connecticut urgln him to sind more Imneeryal edicks Iv 1 a favrable nature ho says Ive ony had twlnty so far an Im gettin scriveners palsy he saysBut bcfurc I go he says I bet ye eight million I yens or three dollars dol-lars in eightyfour chits iv yecr money that yp cant pick out th shell thlsyer pea is unclher he says An I they set down to a game Iv what is known in Peking as diplomacy HIs nlssy but on Randolph sthrcct vladook la called th double dirty I dont believe wan wurrud iv whats in th paapcrs about Chiny said Mr Hoi nossy Well said Mr Dooley If ye believe be-lieve annythlng yell believe ivrything Tis a rand con list thats goin1 on between wcsthren an easthrcn civil llczatlon Tis a joke Iv me own His I nlssy an ycd undherstand it IC ye I knew speilln Thwesthren civilization civiliza-tion Hinnlssy thats 1sls a pretty good liar but hes a kind iv rbughan tumblc at It He goeTin head down an ivry lie he tells looks like all ijr others Ye nlvcr see an Englishman hal had rmny judgment In lylnV The corry spondint iv th Daily Pail is out iv his class Hes carryin lies to LlevMlc How In th wurruld can we compete with a counthry where Ivry labrcrs cottage projooces lies so dellcuU that th workmen Iv th Vest cant undher stand thlrn We make our lies I be machinery ma-chinery they turn out theirs be hand They Imitate th best iv our canned lies to deceive people that likes that kind but f r artists they have lies that appeals to a more refined tnstc Sure Id like to live among thlm an find out th kind Iv bouncers they tell each other They must be grrand 1 I ony know their export lIes now the surplus sur-plus lies they cant use at home An th kind they sind out arre betther than our best Our lies Is no more thin a conthradicllon iv th thruth their lies appeali th slnse iv honesty iv anny cvlllzod man The cant hurt us with their lies said Mr Hennessy of our Western civ jjlzalion We have th guns an well bate thlm yet Yes said Mr Dooley an twill belike be-like a man whos had his house de sthroyed be a cyclone getting up an kiukin at th air Copyright 1900 by R H Russell < I |