Show v v v T T T v w I lEal NEWS tI DISCUSSES OF THE D THE Y WAR i T HE G EN I A L i J 1 D I OT f kic BYJ Kendrick hn Ban I ELL whets the n 8 from Crom the I w V V war in the east st thIs morn tamn mornIng Ing asked Mr tr Brief Brie as the Ji put his paper a aside and t the h Poets Poet butter to the steaming lIne Itile f buckwheat take before him Ides aides are advancing rapidly in opposite it lre tion apparently re rc hilled Hed the Idiot General IMS ed by th the at att t with tremendous loss 1086 of life UCe owing to hi bl having mistaken a b banar zar I for or II a road map or of SI Colonel has bae been driVen Iriven out of Port Fort by byu bya u a regiment of oC Japanese Rough Riders and UW the czar has been by the I Japanese He Is hi held for ransomS the price fixed for Cor his IUs return xIng bing rubles CO C 0 D DI I horns oret Vla Vladivostok tok and a complete set of The last is 1 consIdered red the tho important event or of the war up tv to dat What Whal on earth are yoU talking u a bout demanded the La Lawyer Ill Tbt war In the east of oC course lOurse i said aid the Idiot that What hat i ioU oU n kEd about I certainly under toed Hood you that way W lI J I lid did but I uk ask for tor all that you yot have Sien us said Mr 11 Brief with a or of con cona a h Im giving you TOU the best and most authentic war news I have retorted the Idiot It if you think It is folderol Im Yet olT but I cant help it hats more lm Im blest if I think the thep p of so ao a figure ft among the heads or of Europe nd Asia Ala as H L M r Ute the Czar or of Rue Rus Rust t sia la can an be set down a as fOlderol Oft On the contrary It Is 18 a very grave anti and serious ous matter To think that such a athing athing thing as that can be do done In broad In the face of aU alt the pee peet t aution taken to safeguard the per peor pernon son non of 01 itis hIa meet sacred majesty Is ap If II a bunch of Japs can run rUD runoff off with a czar gUarded as he Is hi night and da day what might not happen toa to a citizen It if some enemy wanted to get him In the tolls You mean man to tell me that this thing has bas happened persisted Isted Mr Ir Brief That Is the most Important Item or of that I find In m my war ar n news this morning saId the Idiot It Pf that prior to taking hi his depar depa departure r turf ture from St Petersburg BAron Doe Dor the of the ml lado In Ru la called to pa pay his adieus to the czar at the NitzI palace He and his secretary Mr Ir Taka hacks hack were closeted with his hie y for minutes at the end of which time It was announced that Mr had hod fainted and antl would have bae to be carried out The CHI car himself gave ave th the order for tor the tho stretcher hacks was carried out and at the Jap ne t embassy It the real The un tenacious man was the czar himself lt while tile the czar who gave JUve the order wa was The three have since die a e but the czarina last night found II a short note pinned d on ht her r pH pu ham stating that her was wasi i well I on his Va way to Japan but would be returned upon the tho terms I have o already stated to y u all allI C I know about it and you ou can call it folderol or not just juet as you ou lilease If I IoU you oU dont Ion t like my war news dont Toe me fe 7 it Senti t to th the for l 1 leel eel t nj time tim nr r It the milk I et man leave leae It IL In a pall pail In the morning mornin when he brings the old cold cream Mary Iary I please pass me the fine sugar I want trant to sweeten eelen this maple syrup I That Tha was a Yet very darin daring achieve merit ment said Nr Ir Indeed it seems hur hardy N credible Such things often happen In but rarely In real life I 1 think the Item about the Japanese general mistaking a bazar cutout pat pattern tern for a rond mop map or of SIberia is quito quite a as Interesting put In Mrs I wonder bo bow on earth he be ever came cameto to do such a thing It was such nn an extraordinary kind of mistake for a I military man to make Where did he got ol lU lUThe it The details are of the most most meager I IA A AA A A AA A A sort frs rs said the Idiot As the story come comeS to me Mrs packed We the genera generals s kit for him hIm before he set lIet out for the front and It Itis itis is believed that In the excitement of the moment and her naturally nervous condition over the pro prospective ot of her bel hu husband bond she placed the cutout pattern In with the official pa papers pets pers he was taking along with him while he supposing that everything was as all right took it for granted that it wu Sas the thing lie he wanted when h he tried to find his way through a hith hitherto hitherto erto unknown country I seen seena a bazar cutout pattern since I was wasa a small boy but I remember that lit In their gE general appearance lackIng only the prInted names of places they were indistinguishable from the maps the newspapers were prin printing ng in connection connection tion with the war var Any Anyhow An how General seems to have bave made this fatal error for he has bas been defeated with great loss ot of life unable either to advance or retreat be because cause e whichever way he turned ac according cording to the pattern be found him himself himself self In n a wilderness or of baby blouses knickerbocker trousers trouser pea and such lIke things The Jabs Ja s have been doing som tall work with their navy the they saId the Pont Yes they have said the Idiot When that little unarmored cruiser the Yan sailed into hanKi AA AA Bing harbor last night under cover ot of darkness and sunk seventeen Russian battleships live fic cruisers n tor torpedo torpedo boats and the dinkey of Admiral it made Deweys little Spanish at look like a egg If the they made a mistake in the dark and pinked Bob Evans flagship on the bowsprit withy with a 2 have been nothing but glory in the victory Wh Why I see anything In the papers about that said the maniac you Mr Bib returned the IdIot Well ma maybe be you dont read Tead your newspaper as carefully as you do you books Some people merely glance liTer the headlines an anyhow and think AAA A A AA A A I I they know nil an the news of the day a great mistake You might as aswell I w well claim to hare haie enjoyed the full flavor of a butternut from having merely into its plush overcoat I But that was as a famous exploit for the I Yan and if Lieutenant Pinky Po who was In command of her Is not made an admiral before the war warIs waris Is over It 91 11 be because the Is a man utterly devoid ot of appreciation appreciation The Idiot paused a moment That was great business it Mr how that detachment from forces crossed the Yalu river and ran off with all of General Gener l rations the IdIot resumed d AA I heard beard began the domi dominIe dominie nIe Do you ou know one thing I like about the Japs Jap interrupted the Ulo Idiot growing oV 1 his h subject Their daring is the of that of the French Musketeer o of fiction and theIr sense ot of ts Its beautiful The idea of including In the czars ransom a set ot of b by the way y I forgot to say these books are for the Carnegie library a at Toko te the Ide idea of doing that strikes me a as buly bully god good fun Cun Ad And tho then in th this s To th the Yau Yam In n a storm and sting stealing al all t the Russian I generals generals provisions and then leaving for him a note thanking Gorl General Pop PopI off for his popovers That to rue me was of Thatto W I delicious o Of coure course the ting thing lak lack the dignity of Washington cr the te digIt te Delaware Delaware and nobody y wil will over pant panta paint a a picture of hup crossing the he Yalu but somehow or 01 oter other It makes you thInk fob lows as brothers hua human being beings le like ourselves and tat that brings rg us pt pretty close to the front ont cose ns Its a an awful thing is wa war said Mr r ad and Ive aw always s stood b by old Hose Rosen Ez for wa war I cn call it murder al all right said the idiot Idiot But sometimes you ko know when a a people wont do their duty duty in te the mat matter mat matter ter or of race suicide war becomes nC ne and if I have two s sar I quarreling neighbors whose difference differences involve Involve the peee peace or of my family somehow o ox other I take an unholy joy when hen thing things come cometo come cometo to a climax and ech each tres tries t to give the theother theother other the licking he deserves By the way that wa was a a geat great a ot of Ha Hays s swant want i It invin inviting te the mikao and the czar to take tee with the car te wit powe powers Ir pro provided vIded promise not t Ia mahany ChIna China Sy Say Mr Poet Poet tat that man 18 has hasa 0 a sens sense of oC humr humor he heWell er erWen Wen Well sid said lf I Wish the wa war wa was ove ovea I he hate It Over cried th the Idiot WhY It hast begun n waiting Whet Pt for What are an anthe the these lights we her hear ot of dayT daily asked te the dotor doctor but bouts bUl bitt tuning up Getting n shap shape for the there thereal re real fight sid said the Idiot But what a are th they waiting fOt forT demanded r Brief Harding Davis sid said the Idiot IdiOt lie He has bus a contrat wIth all 1 the power powers requiring that no hostilities shall actually begin until hI hi ha has anve arrived Unfortunately r he be has hasben ben been detIne detained by the reh of ni his new play for Willie VUle come Collier NoW Now that tese these ar ar over over Well VeI sd said the Poet Poet The wr war ma may begin in earnest Tf re replied plied te the Idiot An hour later the Poet meeting the Idiot In the vestibule obre observed I sy say old man that wr war news or of yours It ut was Seal great Where did you get Oh laughed tb the IdIo Idiot when theros theres a war on I ean o m on news from the front Is Its as reliable a as ay any and you ou dont he 1 to contra dit diet i It publicly the next morning BY the way a Mr lr t te the lot adde added how do you ou Yan churIa Or 1 Manku rIa na Neither replied the Fact is is M Mr Poet thee there are men I never spek speak of The Ma you men tonI forget his la last namis one of them Copyright 14 by K K H |