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Show THE LADIES. An effort is making to oust tho postmistress post-mistress of Portland, Conn., simply because be-cause she is not a voter. A divorce ennnot be obtained in Ja-paD, Ja-paD, even if tho husband has not one hair left on hishcad. Carpenters who put up closet hooks ouulit to bo mure careful. A Philadelphia Phila-delphia woman broke down four bof'ore she could haoy herself. Chicago peoplo oclcbrato their golden gold-en weddios wiien married seven yearB. Seven years of married lile in that city is as good as iifiy anywliere else. Mrs. Scott of Omaha has had five husbands in seven years, and is now without one; She is subject to spells of insanity, and she carries a bowio-knife. bowio-knife. Mrs. Scott of Quebec dropped dead the other day while racingto catch her boy by tho huir an "chug" him. Will mothers Biill persist in the face of such warm fib?. When Boston girls want to go to tho circus, they bit down on tho sidewalk and weep copiously about tho loss of that na me old $2 bill which their mothers moth-ers entrusted them with. I A Michigan subscriber wants to know if we remember the spring floods of 1721. Wo don't, but Susan B. An-thoDy, An-thoDy, who was 40 years old thcD, oan tell him all about them. An unreasonable woman in London wants a wioo merchant there, named McOstrieh, to pay $5,000 for writing 214 love letters to her and then cooling off in his rhetoric. "I'm not in mourning," said a young lady frankly to a lady querist, "but as the widows aro getting all tho offers now-a days, wo poor girls have to resort re-sort to artifice." Thcro is something interesting in ob-Borving ob-Borving two women looking disdainfully disdainful-ly at each other, but when two old ladies la-dies whoso front teeth are gone curl the lips of eoorn, tho effort is very depressing. de-pressing. Boston young ladies put on a clean pair of stockings when they have their photographs taken; but after figuring over the question for several years Prof. Agassiz says ho does not know why they do bo. Young ladies arc always asking what flirting is. It is simply making yourself your-self agreeable. Flirts are always pretty, pret-ty, have big hearts, and when once caught, you will find them worth a dozed iceborgy girls who are on'y useful use-ful as ice-cream freezers. A young lady living at Eau Claire, Wisconsin, disappeared the other day and, after 300 people had searched for five hours, she was found Bitting on tho bank of tho river with her lover, squeezing hands and talking nonsense, aB if nothing had happened. Because she did not have boiled cabbage cab-bage for dinner, last Thursday, a Peoria Peo-ria husband wouldn't speak to his wife all the rest of the day, stayed out all night, and took his meals down town nest day, and for the next week he had boiled oabbage three times a day. He met Miss Kitty at a ball. Aftei talking about the balloon ascencion, the weather, and other things, hi asked rather abruptly; " Where if your mother?" "Oh," said tho sweel damsel, "I have lelt her at home. generally do when I oome to a ball, What is a homo without a mother?" "Charley, what is osculalioL?" "Osculation, Jenny dear, Is a learned expression queer, For a nice sensatioD. I put my arm, thus, round youi waist; This is approximation; You need not fear There's no ono here Your lips quite near, I then" "Oh, dear." ,LJcnny, that's osculation!" |